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Hole In One

A turtle's target practice on the golf course

Hole In One thanks to Stan Kay

QuotaBills
Forget your opponents; always play against par. - Sam Snead

I am putting real plums into an imaginary cake. - Mary McCarthy

Putting your hands in the earth is very grounding. - John Glover

Golf is not so much a sport as an insult to lawns. - Unknown

If you drink, don't drive. Don't even putt. - Dean Martin

Try to be like the turtle - at ease in your own shell. - Bill Copeland

The uglier a man's legs are, the better he plays golf. - H G Wells

If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked? - George Carlin

Hold me, grip me, cherish me, pretend that I'm a golf club! - Unknown

You are absolutely free to describe me as a turtle or something. - Paul Giamatti

When I die, bury me on the golf course so my husband will visit. - Unknown

A lie travels round the world while truth is putting her boots on. - French proverb

The only time my prayers are never answered is on the golf course. - Billy Graham

I got a new set of golf clubs for my husband. Best trade I ever made. - Unknown

Golf is a game in which you yell fore, shoot six, and write down five. - Paul Harvey

If you break 100, watch your golf. If you break 80, watch your business. - Joey Adams

How has retirement affected my golf game? A lot more people beat me now. - Dwight D Eisenhower

In golf as in life, it's the follow-through that makes the difference. - Unknown

Show me a good loser and I'll show you a man playing golf with his boss. - Unknown

I'm at the age now where just putting my cigar in its holder is a thrill. - George Burns

Anytime you see a turtle up on top of a fence post, you know he had some help. - Alex Haley

A lie can travel halfway around the world while the truth is putting on its shoes. - Mark Twain

If you think it's hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball. - Jack Lemmon

Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad. - Miles Kington

Golf is the worst drug in the world. You just keep coming back fro more embarrassment. - Deacon Jones

It's good sportsmanship to not pick up lost golf balls while they are still rolling. - Mark Twain

Marriage is like putting your hand into a bag of snakes in the hope of pulling out an eel. - Leonardo da Vinci

Sometimes the game of golf is just too difficult to endure with a golf club in your hands. - Bobby Jones

If NASA really wants to find water on Mars, they should just send me there to hit a golf ball. - Gene Jaster

A good lie will have traveled half way around the world while the truth is putting on her boots. - Mark Twain

I played golf. I didn't get a hole in one, but I did hit a guy. That's way more satisfying. - Mitch Hedberg

Don't you just hate it when you try to think of something other than golf... and you can't? - Mike Purkey

Of all the useless things a person can do, limerick writing is right up there with golf and fishing. - Garrison Keillor

There are two things in this world that don't last long: dogs chasing cars, and pros putting for pars. - Lee Travino

Give me my golf clubs, fresh air, and a beautiful partner, and you can keep my golf clubs and the fresh air. - Jack Benny

One lesson you better learn if you want to be in politics is that you never go out on a golf course and beat the President. - Lyndon B. Johnson

Golf is a game whose aim is to hit a very small ball into an even smaller hole, with weapons singularly ill designed for the purpose. - Winston Churchill

It is often wonderful how putting down on paper a clear statement of a case helps one to see, not perhaps the way out, but the way in. - Arthur Christopher Benson

Learning to play golf is like learning to play the violin. It's not only difficult to do, it's very painful to everyone around you. - Hal Linden

If Obama resigns from office NOW, thereby doing a great service to the country, I will give him free lifetime golf at any one of my courses. - Donald Trump


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