#1 humor site on the 'net

Hole In One

A turtle's target practice on the golf course

Hole In One thanks to Stan Kay

QuotaBills
Golf, like measles, should be caught young. - P G Wodehouse

Where there's a Will there's a Fairway. - Unknown

I am putting real plums into an imaginary cake. - Mary McCarthy

Golf is not so much a sport as an insult to lawns. - Unknown

If you drink, don't drive. Don't even putt. - Dean Martin

Real golfers don't miss putts, they get robbed. - Unknown

Try to be like the turtle - at ease in your own shell. - Bill Copeland

Take a walk with a turtle. And behold the world in pause. - Bruce Feiler

Hold me, grip me, cherish me, pretend that I'm a golf club! - Unknown

Are we playing Men's Rules today or do we count every putt? - Unknown

If it weren't for golf, I'd probably be a caddie today. - George Archer

You are absolutely free to describe me as a turtle or something. - Paul Giamatti

When I die, bury me on the golf course so my husband will visit. - Unknown

A lie travels round the world while truth is putting her boots on. - French proverb

I got a new set of golf clubs for my husband. Best trade I ever made. - Unknown

Behold the turtle. He only makes progress when he sticks his neck out. - James Bryant Conant

Income tax has made more liars out of the American people than golf has. - Will Rogers

If you break 100, watch your golf. If you break 80, watch your business. - Joey Adams

How has retirement affected my golf game? A lot more people beat me now. - Dwight D Eisenhower

They call it golf because all of the other four-letter names were taken. - Ray Floyd

One advantage of golf over bowling is that you never lose a bowling ball. - Don Carter

He writes so well he makes me feel like putting the quill back in the goose. - Fred Allen

Retirement means no pressure, no stress, no heartache... unless you play golf. - Gene Perret

Anytime you see a turtle up on top of a fence post, you know he had some help. - Alex Haley

I do know the American gentleman, God forgive me for putting two such words together. - Charles Dickens

Death is not extinguishing the light; it is putting out the lamp because dawn has come. - Rabindranath Tagore

Sometimes the game of golf is just too difficult to endure with a golf club in your hands. - Bobby Jones

One of the quickest ways to meet new people is to pick up the wrong ball on a golf course. - Unknown

It is almost impossible to remember how tragic a place the world is when one is playing golf. - Robert Lynd

I have a tip that can take five strokes off anyone's golf game. It's called an eraser. - Arnold Palmer

If NASA really wants to find water on Mars, they should just send me there to hit a golf ball. - Gene Jaster

A good lie will have traveled half way around the world while the truth is putting on her boots. - Mark Twain

Don't you just hate it when you try to think of something other than golf... and you can't? - Mike Purkey

Of all the useless things a person can do, limerick writing is right up there with golf and fishing. - Garrison Keillor

Give me golf clubs, fresh air and a beautiful partner, and you can keep the clubs and the fresh air. - Jack Benny

The reason your golf pro tells you to keep your head down is so that you can't see him laughing. - Phyllis Diller

Golf is like any other sports competition. There is not a whole lot of point to it unless someone suffers. - Kevin Wohl

Give me my golf clubs, fresh air, and a beautiful partner, and you can keep my golf clubs and the fresh air. - Jack Benny

I still play hockey every now and then, and I still golf. But my biggest exercise is walking my big dog in the park every day. - Michael J. Fox

Golf is a game whose aim is to hit a very small ball into an even smaller hole, with weapons singularly ill designed for the purpose. - Winston Churchill


Dog Sled

Only In Canada - Nosey Moose

Camper Tank

Plane Pushers

Wise Electricity Use

Critter Control

Redneck Ice Fishing

Skeletons In The Closet

Captive Audience Twins

Brew Table

Nailed It Baby

Water Supply

Holding His Own Portraits

Hawaii Scuba Bus

Chicken Pie

Computer Challenged

Swiss Reaper

Original Play Station

Haunted Pancakes

No Neck

Five Pound Note

Selena Stopmez

AirHeads

Redneck Power Windows