#1 humor site on the 'net

Only In Texas

They do things differently in Texas

Only In Texas thanks to Karl Schneider

Only In Texas thanks to Karl Schneider

QuotaBills
I should like to be a horse. - Queen Elizabeth II

Texas is as odd as it is vast. - Henry Rollins

Act like a horse. Be dumb. Just run. - Unknown

Use a little of your horse's sense. - Archie Bunker

Why, I'd horse-whip you if I had a horse. - Groucho Marx

Parts of Texas look like Kansas with a goiter. - Unknown

Care, and not fine stables, makes a good horse. - Danish Proverb

I never saw anything funnier than Texas politics. - Molly Ivins

Paying alimony is like feeding hay to a dead horse. - Groucho Marx

The police must obey the law while enforcing the law. - Earl Warren

This is really a lovely horse. I once rode her mother. - Ted Walsh

Texas is a hotbed of insanely good bands and musicians. - Henry Rollins

A rabbit's foot is a poor substitute for horse sense. - Unknown

In plain Texas talk, it's 'do the right thing'. - Ross Perot

Your fences need to be horse-high, pig-tight, and bull-strong. - Unknown

You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him float. - Unknown

The only thing worse than beating a dead horse is betting on one. - Relient K

Don't worry about the horse being blind, just load the wagon. - John Madden

In Texas it's always hot, dry, sunny, not a cloud in the sky. - Piper Perabo

The wagon rests in winter, the sleigh in summer, the horse never. - Yiddish Proverb

The folks in Mississippi are saying, 'Thank God for Texas.' - Kinky Friedman

You know the good part about all those executions in Texas? Fewer Texans. - George Carlin

You can lead a horse to water but I'd rather ride it to the liquor store. - Wayne Nowazek

If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent? - George Carlin

Some people play a horse to win, some to place. I should have bet this horse to live. - Henny Youngman

Half of the failures in life come from pulling one’s horse when he is leaping. - Thomas Hood

I thought I knew Texas pretty well, but I had no notion of its size until I campaigned it. - Ann Richards

One of the worst things that can happen in life is to win a bet on a horse at an early age. - Danny McGoorty

I'd call him a sadistic, hippophilic necrophile, but that would be beating a dead horse. - Woody Allen

There's only two people in your life you should lie to... the police and your girlfriend. - Jack Nicholson

A definite purpose, like blinders on a horse, inevitably narrows its possessor's point of view. - Robert Frost

Good thing we've still got politics in Texas - finest form of free entertainment ever invented. - Molly Ivins

I don't think I'm a celebrity. I'm just a guy from east Texas who loves cars and airplanes. - Carroll Shelby

Like the old adverb, "you can lead a gift horse to the water but ya can't look in his mouth." - Archie Bunker

Flaming enthusiasm, backed up by horse sense and persistence, is the quality that most frequently makes for success. - Dale Carnegie

The reason gas prices are so high is because the oil is in Texas and Oklahoma and all the dipsticks are in Washington. - Yakov Smirnoff

When you're young and you fall off a horse, you may break something. When you're my age and you fall off, you splatter. - Roy Rogers

You can imagine me as a kid growing up in redneck Texas with ballet shoes, tucking the violin under my arm. I had to fight my way up. - Patrick Swayze

The pleasure of jogging and running is rather like that of wearing a fur coat in Texas in August: the true joy comes in being able to take the damn thing off. - Joseph Epstein

If you want to surf, move to Hawaii. If you like to shop, move to New York. If you like acting and Hollywood, move to California. But if you like college football, move to Texas. - Ricky Williams


Lunch Break

Wash Day On The Farm

High Tide Heels

Frozen Fish Meal

Stork Exhaust

I 'Saw' An Accident

Protractor Cook

Street Genius

Rebar Walker

No Worries

Road To Success

Politician Training

Math in Africa

Customers Wanted

Sock Storage

Hung Out To Dry

Need More Horsepower?

Japanese Diving Platform

Water Taxi

Wrench Family

How To Burn Fat

Ghetto Boat

Car Surgeon

Just Blew It