#1 humor site on the 'net

Five Stages of a Female's Life

Are you growing up or slimming down?

Five Stages of a Female's Life thanks to Phoebe Moll,Raub, North Dakota

1. To Grow Up

Five Stages of a Female's Life thanks to Phoebe Moll,Raub, North Dakota

2. To Fill Out

Five Stages of a Female's Life thanks to Phoebe Moll,Raub, North Dakota

3. To Slim Down

Five Stages of a Female's Life thanks to Phoebe Moll,Raub, North Dakota

4. To Hold It In

Five Stages of a Female's Life thanks to Phoebe Moll,Raub, North Dakota

5. To Heck with it...

QuotaBills
Women Liberteens - Archie Bunker

Some leaders are born women. - Unknown

Dull women have immaculate homes. - Unknown

Women and elephants never forget. - Dorothy Parker

There are no ugly women, only lazy ones. - Helena Rubinstein

Americans like fat books and thin women. - Russell Baker

I like my whiskey old and my women young. - Errol Flynn

A woman's work is never done - by men. - Unknown

Age to women is like Kryptonite to Superman. - Kathy Lette

There's a great woman behind every idiot. - John Lennon

A man thinks he knows, but a woman knows better. - Indian Proverb

Women are meant to be loved, not to be understood. - Oscar Wilde

Taking joy in life is a woman's best cosmetic. - Rosalind Russell

When a woman is openly bad she is then at her best. - Latin Proverb

The woman cries before the wedding and the man after. - Polish Proverb

Women like silent men. They think they're listening. - Marcel Achard

This is a feminist bookstore. There is no humour section. - John Callahan

I like a woman with a head on her shoulders. I hate necks. - Steve Martin

What would men be without women? Scarce, sir, mighty scarce. - Mark Twain

There are two theories to arguing with a woman. Neither works. - Will Rogers

Amazing women don't have hot flashes. We have power surges. - Unknown

Honesty is probably the sexiest thing a man can give to a woman. - Debra Messing

I've never struck a woman in my life, not even my own mother. - WC Fields

Behind every successful man is a woman.
Behind her is his wife. - Groucho Marx

Give me a woman who truly loves beer and I will conquer the world. - Kaiser Willhelm II

It is much easier to take care of a sackful of fleas than a woman. - German Proverb

A man can be happy with any woman, as long as he does not love her. - Oscar Wilde

Men fall in love with their eyes. Women fall in love with their ears. - Dr. Phil McGraw

How do you feel about women's rights? I like either side of them. - Groucho Marx

Most women are afraid of clowns, but somehow end up still dating one. - Unknown

When women kiss it always reminds one of prize fighters shaking hands. - H L Mencken

No one but a woman in love ever sees the maximum of men's greatness. - Anais Nin

Every woman dreams of her own political career and her own place in life. - Raisa M. Gorbachev

Man does not control his own fate. The women in his life do that for him. - Groucho Marx

A woman knows the face of the man she loves as a sailor knows the open sea. - Honore de Balzac

The testimony of a woman has only half the value of the testimony of a man. - Iranian Penal Code

If women didn't exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning. - Aristotle Onassis

Beauty is the first present nature gives to a woman and the first it takes away. - Fay Weldon

A man's face is his autobiography. A woman's face is her work of fiction. - Oscar Wilde

To God I speak Spanish, to women Italian, to men French, and to my horse - German. - Emperor Charles V

This woman was so cross-eyed. She can go to a tennis match and never move her head. - Phyllis Diller

When women are mad or depressed, they eat or go shopping. Men invade another country. - Elayne Boosler

When once a woman has given you her heart, you can never get rid of the rest of her body. - John Vanbrugh

My heart says chocolate and wine but my jeans say, for the love of God women, eat a salad. - Unknown

A man has to be Joe McCarthy to be called ruthless. All a woman has to do is put you on hold. - Marlo Thomas

One of the few articles of clothing that a man won't try to remove from a woman is an apron. - Marilyn Vos Savant

As long as a woman can look ten years younger than her own daughter, she is perfectly satisfied. - Oscar Wilde

Men forget everything; women remember everything. That's why men need instant replays in sports. - Rita Rudner

The only reason they say 'Women and children first' is to test the strength of the lifeboats. - Jean Kerr

The expression a woman wears on her face is far more important than the clothes she wears on her back. - Dale Carnegie

I'm going to the backseat of my car with the woman I love, and I won't be back for ten minutes. - Homer Simpson

A woman, especially if she has the misfortune of knowing anything, should conceal it as well as she can. - Jane Austen

Democracy is very different in U.S. and A. from Kazakhstan. In America, woman can vote, but horse cannot! - Borat Sagdiyev

One should never trust a woman who tells her real age; a woman who would tell one would tell one anything. - Oscar Wilde

If women want any rights more than they got, why don't they just take them and not be talking about it? - Sojourner Truth

An archaeologist is the best husband a woman can have. The older she gets the more interested he is in her. - Agatha Christie

The most happy marriage I can picture or imagine to myself would be the union of a deaf man to a blind woman. - Samuel Taylor Coleridge

A family is a unit composed not only of children but of men, women, an occasional animal, and the common cold. - Ogden Nash

They say women talk too much. If you have worked in Congress you know that the filibuster was invented by men. - Clare Boothe Luce

I see when men love women. They give them but a little of their lives. But women when they love give everything. - Oscar Wilde

Why does a woman work ten years to change a man's habits and then complain that he's not the man she married? - Barbara Streisand

There is nothing in the world like the devotion of a married woman. It is a thing no married man knows anything about. - Oscar Wilde

People are more violently opposed to fur than leather because it's safer to harass rich women than motorcycle gangs. - Unknown

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man. - Lana Turner

How can a woman be expected to be happy with a man who insists on treating her as if she were a perfectly normal human being. - Oscar Wilde

I think being a woman is like being Irish. Everyone says you're important and nice, but you take second place all the same. - Iris Murdoch

A woman should never be seen eating or drinking, unless it be lobster salad and Champagne, the only true feminine and becoming viands. - George G. Byron

Like many other women, I could not understand why every man who changed a diaper has felt impelled, in recent years, to write a book about it. - Barbara Ehrenreich

I was just so lucky with 'Real Women Have Curves.' At that point, I would have done an insurance commercial. I would have done anything. - America Ferrera

Never play cards with a man called Doc, never eat at a place called Mom's, and never sleep with a woman whose troubles are worse than your own. - Nelson Algren


Big Hands Baby

Fire Truck Sinkhole

Cyclist Mailbox

Tearable Puns

Penmanship

Tree Removal

I Sea Drums

Statue of Libertea

Breakfast, Lunch, and Dinner Burrito

Cow Photobomb

Commas Save Lives

Never Give Up

Girl Sitting or Boy Hugging?

The Domino's Effect

Outdoor Pool

Wedding Pound Cake

Fear Of Light

Maiden Rock Illusion

Why Men Shouldn't Babysit

Noodle Art

Windows Scoreboard

Mummy Dogs

Swimming Without Getting Your Hair Wet

Media Bondage