#1 humor site on the 'net

Japanese Yen for Downside Housing

Downside House in a Rightside World

Japanese Yen for Downside Housing thanks to Jan Newell

QuotaBills
Every man is a king at home. - English Proverb

There will be no whitewash at the White House. - Richard M Nixon

There are no elevators in the house of success. - H.H. Vreeland

He'd go through the house like Typhoon Mary. - Archie Bunker

What's the need of a home if you are never in it? - George Grossmith

Home is not where you live but where they understand you. - Christion Morgenstern

While in the ER, she was examined, X-rated and sent home. - Unknown

He taught me housekeeping; when I divorce I keep the house. - Zsa Zsa Gabor

A man's home is his castle, and his wife is the janitor. - Lucille Kallen

Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one. - Albert Einstein

Love is the child of illusion and the parent of disillusion. - Miguel de Unamuno

My wife is such a bad cook, in my house we pray after the meal. - Rodney Dangerfield

In my house I'm the boss. My wife is just the decision maker. - Woody Allen

I suppose I could have stayed home and baked cookies and had teas. - Hillary Clinton

Every bathroom in my house will ultimately have a Toto bidet in it. - Ken Marino

I am a marvelous housekeeper. Every time I leave a man, I keep his house. - Zsa Zsa Gabor

I bought a house on a one-way dead-end road. I don't know how I got there. - Steven Wright

The structure of a play is always the story of how the birds come home to roost. - Arthur Miller

I wouldn't run for President. I wouldn't want to move to a smaller house. - Bono

I love contemporary art, although I wouldn't want a pickled shark in my house. - Bruno Tonioli

The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place. - George Bernard Shaw

Strength of character may be learned at work, but beauty of character is learned at home. - Henry Drummond

If you burn your neighbor's house down, it doesn't make your house look any better. - Lou Holtz

We live in a fantasy world, a world of illusion. The great task in life is to find reality. - Irish Murdoch

I want a house with a garden, but slap bang in the centre of London. Next door to a sushi bar. - Michelle Dockery

If we build in the desert, let the house know the desert and the desert be proud of the house. - Frank Lloyd Wright

He hath eaten me out of house and home; he hath put all my substance into that fat belly of his. - William Shakespeare

You have a cough? Go home tonight, eat a whole box of Ex-Lax - tomorrow you'll be afraid to cough. - Pearl Williams

A woman should cleave into her husband. Right here in this house is where Edith's cleavage belongs. - Archie Bunker

Love is a fire. But whether it is going to warm your hearth or burn down your house, you can never tell. - Joan Crawford

Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing is like shovelling the walk before it stops snowing. - Phyllis Diller

No one realizes how beautiful it is to travel until he comes home and rests his head on his old, familiar pillow. - Lin Yutang

A happy home is one in which each spouse grants the possibility that the other may be right, though neither believes it. - Don Fraser

My friend Sally is a nudist. I went to her house. The closets have no doors. The walls are covered with see-through wallpaper. - Steven Wright

Hockey on roller skates is like MMA in a bounce house: the elements are there, but the medium makes the whole thing ridiculous. - David Walton

Camping is not a date; it's an endurance test. If you can survive camping with someone, you should marry them on the way home. - Yvonne Prinz

The worst thing about work in the house or home is that whatever you do it is destroyed, laid waste or eaten within twenty-four hours. - Lady Hasluck

Science is built up with facts, as a house is with stones. But a collection of facts is not more a science than a heap of stones is a house. - Jules Poincare

One of my biggest fears is that I'm going to die alone in my home, and my cats will eat me because I am too dead to open their food cans. - Kelli Jae Baeli

I went to the hardware store and bought some used paint. It was in the shape of a house. I also bought some batteries, but they weren't included. - Steven Wright


Trunk Drinkers

Foamtastic

Pyramid Kiss

What Goes Round Comes Round

Mistaken Door

Cleanup

Leave Toes Outside

Google Age

Meat Loaf

Heavy Sleeper

So Close

Economy Flight

StandOut Island

Poor Fishing Day

Is Your Diaper Full?

Lunch Break on a Hot Day

Moving Level Pro

Plain Plane School

Wireframe Dog

SUV Sinkhole

Wireless Doorbells Sitting On Their Chargers

Smoke Coolant

Front Row Seats

A Frayed Knot