Only in Las Vegas

Marriage is heaven and hell. - German Proverb

I've seen better fights at a wedding. - Harry Redknapp

Our dog died from licking our wedding picture. - Phyllis Diller

Love is blind, but marriage restores its sight. - Georg C. Lichtenberg

Love - a temporary insanity curable by marriage. - Ambrose Bierce

Love is blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener. - Paula Deen

Sticking with a marriage. That's true grit, man. - Jeff Bridges

Love is a fair garden, and marriage a field of nettles. - Finnish Proverb

There's more to marriage than four bare legs in a bed. - English Proverb

Before you marry keep both eyes open; after marriage shut one. - Jamaican Proverb

Marriage: A word which should be pronounced "mirage." - Herbert Spencer

The more you invest in a marriage, the more valuable it becomes. - Amy Grant

A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband. - Ogden Nash

There's one thing about a late marriage - it doesn't last long. - Unknown

Marriage, like a submarine, is only safe if you get all the way inside. - Frank Pittman

Marriage is too interesting an experiment to be tried only once or twice. - Eva Gabor

Marriage requires a special talent like acting. Monogamy requires genius. - Warren Beatty

Marriage is a lottery, but you can't tear up your ticket if you lose. - F.M. Knowles

Marriage halves our griefs, doubles our joys, and quadruples our expenses. - G K Chesterton

Marriage is really tough because you have to deal with feelings and lawyers. - Richard Pryor

I don't follow trends. I make each cake for a particular wedding, or event. - Ron Ben-Israel

Marriage is one of the few institutions that allow a man to do as his wife pleases. - Milton Berle

Only choose in marriage a woman whom you would choose as a friend if she were a man. - Joseph Joubert

Our marriage vows: till death do us part, for better for worse, in secrets and in health. - Archie Bunker

We seldom give each other advice - I think that's the success of 25 years of marriage. - Laura Bush

Marriage is like putting your hand into a bag of snakes in the hope of pulling out an eel. - Leonardo da Vinci

In Las Vegas, a man said to his wife, "Give me the money I told you not to give me." - Henny Youngman

The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his checkbook open. - Groucho Marx

The key to a long and healthy marriage is that, honestly, there's nothing worth fighting about. - Jay Leno

The one charm of marriage is that it makes a life of deception absolutely necessary for both parties. - Oscar Wilde

Wit is the sudden marriage of ideas which before their union were not perceived to have any relation. - Mark Twain

For marriage to be a success, every woman and every man should have her and his own bathroom. The end. - Catherine Zeta-Jones

The most happy marriage I can picture or imagine to myself would be the union of a deaf man to a blind woman. - Samuel Taylor Coleridge

Love is an ideal thing, marriage is a real thing. A confusion of the real with the ideal never goes unpunished. - Johann Wolfgang Goethe

Just because I have rice on my clothes doesn't mean I've been to a wedding. A Chinese man threw up on me. - Phyllis Diller

Your marriage is in trouble if your wife says, 'You're only interested in one thing,' and you can't remember what it is. - Milton Berle

I think that weddings have probably been crashed since the beginning of time. Cavemen crashed them. You go to meet girls. It makes sense. - Christopher Walken

I should have suspected my husband was lazy. On our wedding day, his mother told me: "I'm not losing a son; I'm gaining a couch." - Phyllis Diller

One advantage of marriage is that when you fall out of love with him or he falls out of love with you, it keeps you together until you fall in again. - Judith Viorst

Fraud in business is no different from infidelity in marriage or plagiarism in scholarly work. Even people committed to high moral standards succumb. - Miroslav Volf