#1 humor site on the 'net

Wrong Way Train

Train derail-meant - your last train ride

Wrong Way Train thanks to Karen Moore

QuotaBills
Fortissimo at last! - Gustav Mahler

Last will and tentacle - Archie Bunker

He who laughs last laughs loudest. - Unknown

He who laughs last didn't get it. - Helen Giangregorio

Oil and truth will get uppermost at last. - Proverb

Old and young, we are all on our last cruise. - Robert Louis Stevenson

Stress cannot exist in the presence of a pie. - David Mamet

Nice guys finish last, but we get to sleep in. - Evan Davis

Last words are for fools who haven't said enough. - Karl Marx

Newcastle, of course, unbeaten in their last five wins. - Brian Moore

Threats are the last resort of a man with no vocabulary. - Tamora Pierce

Data processing is a fad that won't last out the year. - Unknown

Stress should be a powerful driving force, not an obstacle. - Bob Phillips

Success will come to the side that has the last man standing. - Philippe Petain

Victory goes to the player who makes the next-to-last mistake. - Savielly Grigorievitch Tartakower

What counts in science is to be not so much the first as the last. - Erwin Chargaff

I'm the last guy in the world to feel overlooked by the Academy. - Jack Nicholson

The last mosquito that bit me had to check into the Betty Ford clinic. - Joanna Lumley

A man loses his illusions first, his teeth second, and his follies last. - Helen Rowland

I'll be down in the front row with a basket of last month's eggs. - WC Fields

I drink too much. Last time I gave a urine sample there was an olive in it. - Rodney Dangerfield

My wife only has sex with me for a purpose. Last night she used me to time an egg. - Rodney Dangerfield

A study of economics usually reveals that the best time to buy anything is last year. - Marty Allen

Men always want to be a woman's first love - women like to be a man's last romance. - Oscar Wilde

We are, in the comics, the last frontier of good, wholesome family humor and entertainment. - Bill Keane

Beethoven's last quartets were written by a deaf man and should only be listened to by a deaf man. - Thomas Beecham

I had a meal last night. I ordered everything in French - surprised everybody, it was a Chinese restaurant. - Tommy Cooper

How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter? - Woody Allen

Dance as if no one's watching, sing as if no one's listening, and live everyday as if it were your last. - Irish Proverb

The last fight was my fault though. My wife asked, "What's on the TV?"
I said, "Dust!" - Red Skelton

All the plants in my house are dead - I shot them last night. I was teasing them by watering them with ice cubes. - Steven Wright

Sometimes me think, 'What is Friend?' and then me say, 'Friend is someone to share the last cookie with.' - Cookie Monster

I like thieves. Some of my best friends are thieves. Why, just last week we had the president of the bank over for dinner. - WC Fields

When was the last time anybody saw us beating, let's say, China in a trade deal? They kill us. I beat China all the time. - Donald Trump

Our ancestors are very good kind of folks; but they are the last people I should choose to have a visiting acquaintance with. - Richard B. Sheridan

As long as the world shall last there will be wrongs, and if no man objected and no man rebelled, those wrongs would last forever. - Clarence Darrow

My wife and I tried two or three times in the last 40 years to have breakfast together, but it was so disagreeable we had to stop. - Winston Churchill

Keep your sense of humor. There's enough stress in the rest of your life to let bad shots ruin a game you're supposed to enjoy. - Amy Alcott

We spend money we don't have, on things we don't need, to make impressions that don't last, on people we don't care about. - Tim Jackson

I found my prince - he's a hockey player and we met at an NHL event, the last place I'd ever expect to meet someone, but there he was. - Carol Alt


Redneck Estate Sale

Blonde Car Mirror

Corn Maze Warning

Lane Closure

Texting For Dummies

Clever Weather Billboard

Tree Huggers

Australian Construction Security

India Road Assistance

Cow Walking

Cultural Exchange

Meowzart

Bonus Baby

Strawberry Heart

Water Skiing in Russia

Plumber's Party

Hand Face

Moon Harvest

Reach For The High-Hanging Fruit

CheckMate

Ship Tow

Redneck Turkey Shoot

Costco Wine

Downer Parking