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Help Me Before It's Too Late!

Best Man's last prank on the Groom

Help Me Before It's Too Late! thanks to Pierre Belleau, Quebec

QuotaBills
Marry money. - Max Shulman

I use a Mac to help me design the next Cray. - Seymoure Cray

A happy marriage is the union of two forgivers. - Ruth Bell Graham

Some of us are becoming the men we wanted to marry. - Gloria Steinem

Don't marry for money, you can borrow it cheaper. - Scottish Saying

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury. - Groucho Marx

Before you marry keep both eyes open; after marriage shut one. - Jamaican Proverb

In Hollywood, brides keep the bouquets and throw away the groom. - Groucho Marx

Whenever you want to marry someone, go have lunch with his ex-wife. - Shelley Winters

Men are my hobby. If I ever got married, I'd have to give it up. - Mae West

Tenderness is greater proof of love than the most passionate of vows. - Marlene Dietrich

Marriage is better than leprosy because it's easier to get rid of. - WC Fields

I quit therapy because my analyst was trying to help me behind my back. - Richard Lewis

There's one thing about a late marriage - it doesn't last long. - Unknown

One should always be in love. That is the reason one should never marry. - Oscar Wilde

I believe in love and marriage, but not necessarily with the same person. - John Travolta

If you have a boat and a happy marriage, you don't need another thing. - Ed McMahon

I've been married so long I'm on my third bottle of Tabasco sauce. - Susan Vass

Marriage is really tough because you have to deal with feelings and lawyers. - Richard Pryor

In marriage, being the right person is as important as finding the right person. - Wilbert Donald Gough

If I get married again, I want a guy there with a drum to do rim shots during the vows. - Sam Kinison

Our marriage vows: till death do us part, for better for worse, in secrets and in health. - Archie Bunker

Marriage is like putting your hand into a bag of snakes in the hope of pulling out an eel. - Leonardo da Vinci

I'm a very committed wife. I should be committed, too, for being married so many times. - Elizabeth Taylor

Marriage has no guarantees. If that's what you're looking for, go live with a car battery. - Erma Bombeck

The one charm of marriage is that it makes a life of deception absolutely necessary for both parties. - Oscar Wilde

My husband always felt that a marriage and career don't mix. That's why he's never worked. - Phyllis Diller

It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won't drink from my glass! - Rodney Dangerfield

Before I got married I had six theories about bringing up children; now I have six children and no theories. - John Wilmot

If your cousin Maude says one wrong word to me, we're gonna be leaving before the bride takes the shower. - Archie Bunker

I'm taking memory power boost tablets to help me every day and doing the puzzles to help me stay focused. - Terry Bradshaw

Marriage always demands the greatest understanding of the art of insincerity possible between two human beings. - Vicki Baum

It's a funny thing that when a man hasn't anything on earth to worry about, he goes off and gets married. - Robert Frost

I've never been married, but I tell people I'm divorced so they won't think something is wrong with me. - Elayne Boosler

For two people in a marriage to live together day after day is unquestionably the only miracle the Vatican has overlooked. - Bill Cosby

Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming: 1. Whenever you're wrong, admit it; 2. Whenever you're right, shut up. - Patrick Murra

Marriage is an alliance entered into by a man who cannot sleep with the window shut, and a woman who cannot sleep with the window open. - George Bernard Shaw

Your marriage is in trouble if your wife says, 'You're only interested in one thing,' and you can't remember what it is. - Milton Berle

In every marriage more than a week old, there are grounds for divorce. The trick is to find, and continue to find, grounds for marriage. - Robert Anderson

If you never want to see a man again, just tell him, "I love you. I want to marry you. I want to have children." They leave skid marks. - Rita Rudner


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