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Help Me Before It's Too Late!

Best Man's last prank on the Groom

Help Me Before It's Too Late! thanks to Pierre Belleau, Quebec

QuotaBills
Marry money. - Max Shulman

Marry in haste, repent at leisure. - English Proverb

I married beneath me. All women do. - Lady Nancy Astor

Marriage is the chief cause of divorce. - Groucho Marx

I've seen better fights at a wedding. - Harry Redknapp

Love is blind, but marriage restores its sight. - Georg C. Lichtenberg

In married life, three is company and two none. - Oscar Wilde

Love - a temporary insanity curable by marriage. - Ambrose Bierce

An Irish wedding is a tame thing to an Irish funeral. - Mary Deasy

Now a soft kiss; Aye, by that kiss, I vow an endless bliss. - John Keats

Marriage is the only war in which you sleep with the enemy. - Unknown

The key to success? Work hard, stay focused and marry a Kennedy. - Arnold Schwarzenegger

I'll never forget my wedding day... they threw vitamin pills. - Groucho Marx

The general rule is that people who enjoy life also enjoy marriage. - Phyllis Battelle

Whenever you want to marry someone, go have lunch with his ex-wife. - Shelley Winters

A man in love is incomplete until he is married. Then he is finished. - Zsa Zsa Gabor

Never marry anyone you could not sit next to during a three-day bus trip. - Roger Ebert

Marriage is too interesting an experiment to be tried only once or twice. - Eva Gabor

If you have a boat and a happy marriage, you don't need another thing. - Ed McMahon

The great majority of neuroses in women have their origin in the marriage bed. - Sigmund Freud

Help me, I can’t breathe, your ego is pushing all the air out of the room. - Ilona Andrews

I wanted to study to be a dental hygienist, marry a rich dentist, and hang it up. - Vicki Lawrence

The world has grown suspicious of anything that looks like a happily married life. - Oscar Wilde

Marriage is wonderful institution... if, of course, you like living in an institution. - Groucho Marx

If I get married again, I want a guy there with a drum to do rim shots during the vows. - Sam Kinison

Our marriage vows: till death do us part, for better for worse, in secrets and in health. - Archie Bunker

I'm a very committed wife. I should be committed, too, for being married so many times. - Elizabeth Taylor

I believe in the institution of marriage, and I intend to keep trying until I get it right. - Richard Pryor

The trouble with some women is that they get all excited about nothing - and then marry him. - Cher

First of all you’ve got to have talent. And then you've got to marry her like I did. - George Burns

Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age - as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight. - Phyllis Diller

The key to a long and healthy marriage is that, honestly, there's nothing worth fighting about. - Jay Leno

If your cousin Maude says one wrong word to me, we're gonna be leaving before the bride takes the shower. - Archie Bunker

Marriage is like a cage; one sees the birds outside desperate to get in, and those inside desperate to get out. - Ogden Nash

Just because I have rice on my clothes doesn't mean I've been to a wedding. A Chinese man threw up on me. - Phyllis Diller

It's a funny thing that when a man hasn't anything on earth to worry about, he goes off and gets married. - Robert Frost

I've never been married, but I tell people I'm divorced so they won't think something is wrong with me. - Elayne Boosler

The best reason for a knitter to marry is that you can't teach the cat to be impressed when you finish a lace scarf. - Stephanie Pearl-McPhee

For two people in a marriage to live together day after day is unquestionably the only miracle the Vatican has overlooked. - Bill Cosby

Fraud in business is no different from infidelity in marriage or plagiarism in scholarly work. Even people committed to high moral standards succumb. - Miroslav Volf


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