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Help Me Before It's Too Late!

Best Man's last prank on the Groom

Help Me Before It's Too Late! thanks to Pierre Belleau, Quebec

QuotaBills
Marriage is heaven and hell. - German Proverb

I married beneath me. All women do. - Lady Nancy Astor

The most dangerous food is wedding cake. - American Saying

O Lord, help me to be pure, but not yet. - St. Augustine

A really good detective never gets married. - Raymond Chandler

Love is blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener. - Paula Deen

If you marry for money you will earn every penny. - Dr. Phil McGraw

Make love, not war... or get married and do both. - Unknown

Some of us are becoming the men we wanted to marry. - Gloria Steinem

There is nothing so difficult to marry as a large nose. - Oscar Wilde

Love is a fair garden, and marriage a field of nettles. - Finnish Proverb

Bride: A woman with a fine prospect of happiness behind her. - Ambrose Bierce

I don't worry about terrorism. I was married for two years. - Sam Kinison

The more you invest in a marriage, the more valuable it becomes. - Amy Grant

A girl must marry for love, and keep on marrying until she finds it. - Zsa Zsa Gabor

A man in love is incomplete until he is married. Then he is finished. - Zsa Zsa Gabor

I quit therapy because my analyst was trying to help me behind my back. - Richard Lewis

I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always. - Red Skelton

Never marry anyone you could not sit next to during a three-day bus trip. - Roger Ebert

Marriage is too interesting an experiment to be tried only once or twice. - Eva Gabor

College is a place to keep warm between high school and an early marriage. - George Gobel

No man is truly married until he understands every word his wife is NOT saying. - Unknown

Help me, I can’t breathe, your ego is pushing all the air out of the room. - Ilona Andrews

Well, at least he has found his true love - what a pity he can't marry himself. - Frank Sinatra

My boyfriend and I broke up. He wanted to get married and I didn't want him to. - Rita Rudner

Only choose in marriage a woman whom you would choose as a friend if she were a man. - Joseph Joubert

How marriage ruins a man! It is as demoralizing as cigarettes, and far more expensive. - Oscar Wilde

Men marry because they are tired, women because they are curious; both are disappointed. - Oscar Wilde

Let us now set forth one of the fundamental truths about marriage: the wife is in charge. - Bill Cosby

Our marriage vows: till death do us part, for better for worse, in secrets and in health. - Archie Bunker

We seldom give each other advice - I think that's the success of 25 years of marriage. - Laura Bush

If you meet someone who can cook and do housework, don't hesitate a minute - marry him! - Rita Rudner

I married your mother because I wanted children.
Imagine my disappointment when you came along. - Groucho Marx

The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his checkbook open. - Groucho Marx

Before I got married I had six theories about bringing up children; now I have six children and no theories. - John Wilmot

There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage. - Sam Kinison

Just because I have rice on my clothes doesn't mean I've been to a wedding. A Chinese man threw up on me. - Phyllis Diller

I've never been married, but I tell people I'm divorced so they won't think something is wrong with me. - Elayne Boosler

I should have suspected my husband was lazy. On our wedding day, his mother told me: "I'm not losing a son; I'm gaining a couch." - Phyllis Diller

One advantage of marriage is that when you fall out of love with him or he falls out of love with you, it keeps you together until you fall in again. - Judith Viorst


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