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Opinion Scale

Finding the perfect gift for her

Three men are sitting at a bar. The first says, “I bought my wife something which goes from 0 to 100 in 6 seconds - I bought her a nice Porsche.”

The second guy says, “I bought something which goes from 0 to 100 in 4 seconds - a nice red Ferrari.”

The third one says, “I bought my wife something which goes from 0 to 200 IN JUST 2 SECONDS!”

Opinion Scale thanks to Shawn Kennedy

QuotaBills
I'm a fat anorexic. - Kiri Te Kanawa

Gladly accept the gifts of the present hour. - Horace

You know why fish are so thin? They eat fish. - Jerry Seinfeld

Every good and perfect gift comes from above. - Bible

Every problem has a gift for you in its hands. - Richard Bach

A book is a gift you can open again and again. - Garrison Keillor

Diets are for those who are thick and tired of it. - Unknown

Restore a man to his health, his purse lies open to thee. - Robert Burton

The first great gift we can bestow on others is a good example. - Morell

I'm tired of people not treating me like the gift that I am. - Paula Abdul

Whatsoever was the father of a disease, an ill diet was the mother. - George Herbert

Nobody likes insurance companies, especially health insurance companies. - P.J. O'Rourke

In nothing do men more nearly approach the gods than in giving health to men. - Cicero

Health is like money - we never have a true idea of its value until we lose it. - Josh Billings

The two kinds of people on earth are the people who lift and the people who lean. - Unknown

"The Hunchback Of Notre Dame" had the big fat English actor, Charles Lawson. - Archie Bunker

Whoever said money can't buy happiness simply didn't know where to go shopping. - Bo Derek

Older people shouldn't eat health food, they need all the preservatives they can get. - Robert Orben

Cheerfulness is the best promoter of health and is as friendly to the mind as to the body. - Joseph Addison

The shovels haven't arrived, and until they do, you'll have to lean on each other. - Unknown

Life, if you're fat, is a minefield - you have to pick your way, otherwise you blow up. - Miriam Margolyes

It's a strange world of language in which skating on thin ice can get you into hot water. - Franklin P. Jones

We don't come to Canada for our health. We can think of other ways of enjoying ourselves. - Prince Philip

Make pumpkin bread as the default gift for everyone. It is cheap, it is beloved, it is carbs. - Karen Bender

I believe that how you feel is very important to how you look - that healthy equals beautiful. - Victoria Principal

The second day of a diet is always easier than the first. By the second day you're off it. - Jackie Gleason

Many of our fears are tissue-paper-thin, and a single courageous step would carry us clear through them. - Brendan Francis

Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, today is a gift of God, which is why we call it the present. - Bil Keane

Nobody can fail to lose weight in the jungle, unless they've got a secret stash of pork pies somewhere. - Colin Baker

Inside me there's a thin person struggling to get out, but I can usually sedate him with four or five cupcakes. - Bob Thaves

The worst gift is a fruitcake. There is only one fruitcake in the entire world, and people keep sending it to each other. - Johnny Carson

We are all born with a grab bag on gifts and gaps. Identify your true talents, then find out how to use them to make money. - Bill O'Reilly

In all affairs it's a healthy thing now and then to hang a question mark on the things you have long taken for granted. - Bertrand Russell

I feel about airplanes the way I feel about diets. It seems to me that they are wonderful things for other people to go on. - Jean Kerr

I cannot but bless the memory of Julius Caesar, for the great esteem he expressed for fat men; and his aversion to lean ones. - David Hume

In soap, fatty acids made from boiling pork bone fat are used as a hardening agent, but also for giving it a pearl-like effect. - Christien Meindertsma

The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like, and do what you'd druther not. - Mark Twain

She's so fat she's my two best friends. She wears stretch caftans. She's got more chins than the Chinese telephone directory. - Joan Rivers

Thank you... fat dude with giant headphones on the subway, for looking like what would've happened if Jabba the Hutt mated with Princess Leia. - Jimmy Fallon

The best way to lose weight is to close your mouth - something very difficult for a politician. Or watch your food - just watch it, don't eat it. - Edward I Kock


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