#1 humor site on the 'net

Can Never Have Too Many Tools

Tim the Tool Man's SUV

Can Never Have Too Many Tools thanks to Bob Tasse

QuotaBills
Men have become the tools of their tools. - Henry David Thoreau

Chop your own path. Get off the car track. - A.Y. Jackson

Didn't he take the exercise tax off cars? - Archie Bunker

The man who has a full set of tools has no children. - Unknown

Reading is a basic tool in the living of a good life. - Joseph Addison

Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth. - Erma Bombeck

You should never have more children than you have car windows. - Erma Bombeck

History is a tool used by politicians to justify their intentions. - Ted Koppei

To attract men, I wear a perfume called "New Car Interior". - Rita Rudner

The most powerful leadership tool you have is your own personal example. - Unknown

Troubles are often the tools by which God fashions us for better things. - Henry Ward Beecher

A private railroad car is not an acquired taste. One takes to it immediately. - Eleanor R. Belmont

You know you're a redneck if your home has wheels and your car doesn't. - Jeff Foxworthy

If the only tool you have is a hammer, you tend to see every problem as a nail. - Abraham Maslow

I've exercised with women so thin that buzzards followed them to their cars. - Erma Bombeck

The most important persuasion tool you have in your entire arsenal is integrity. - Zig Ziglar

A guy knows he’s in love when he loses interest in his car for a couple of days. - Tim Allen

A gun is not a weapon, it’s a tool, like a hammer or a screwdriver or an alligator. - Homer Simpson

Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys. - P.J. O'Rourke

One only needs two tools in life: WD-40 to make things go, and duck tape to make them stop. - G.M. Weilacher

The dent in his car is hardly cold and he's coming over here to claim his pound of fish. - Archie Bunker

They say you only go around once, but with a muscle car you can go around two or three times. - Tim Allen

My mechanic told me, "I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder." - Steven Wright

The lead car is absolutely, truly unique, except for the one behind it which is exactly identical. - Murray Walker

Marriage has no guarantees. If that's what you're looking for, go live with a car battery. - Erma Bombeck

I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights, so it looks like I'm the only one moving. - Steven Wright

If I weren't skateboarding, I'd love to race cars. I like anything that's fast and active. - Ryan Sheckler

I'm going to the backseat of my car with the woman I love, and I won't be back for ten minutes. - Homer Simpson

I don't think I'm a celebrity. I'm just a guy from east Texas who loves cars and airplanes. - Carroll Shelby

There are two things in this world that don't last long: dogs chasing cars, and pros putting for pars. - Lee Travino

Our Age of Anxiety is, in great part, the result of trying to do today's jobs with yesterday's tools. - Marshall McLuhan

For all of the fights I have had in my life, both on and off the ice, I have only been in the back of a cop car once. - Tie Domi

I hooked up my accelerator pedal in my car to my brake lights. I hit the gas, people behind me stop, and I'm gone. - Steven Wright

The minute there's a map, there is no art. Paint by numbers is not art. Paint by numbers is a mechanical activity. - Seth Godin

The actual building of roads devoted to motor cars is not for the near future, in spite of many rumors to that effect. - Harper's Weekly

I'm not a car guy. The subway gets me where I need to go efficiently and cheaply, and I don't worry about traffic. - Joe Scarborough

Is fuel efficiency really what we need most desperately? I say what we really need is a car that can be shot when it breaks down. - George Carlin

When I die, I want to go peacefully like my grandfather did, in his sleep. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car. - Unknown

It is amazing how quickly the kids learn to drive a car, yet are unable to understand the lawn mower, snowblower and vacuum cleaner. - Ben Bergor

A man who has never gone to school may steal from a freight car; but if he has a university education, he may steal the whole railroad. - Theodore Roosevelt


Joburg Police

Behind Curtain Number One

One More Drop

Changing Priorities

Made His Bed

Dog Sled

Only In Canada - Nosey Moose

Camper Tank

Plane Pushers

Wise Electricity Use

Critter Control

Redneck Ice Fishing

Skeletons In The Closet

Captive Audience Twins

Brew Table

Nailed It Baby

Water Supply

Holding His Own Portraits

Hawaii Scuba Bus

Chicken Pie

Computer Challenged

Swiss Reaper

Original Play Station

Haunted Pancakes