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Car Surgeon

Has your Doctor diagnosed your timing belt?

Car Surgeon thanks to Idske Mulder, The Netherlands

Timing is everything

Physician, heal thyself. - Luke 4:23

Every disease is a physician. - Irish Proverb

No doctor is better than three. - German Proverb

I'm so mean, I make medicine sick. - Muhammad Ali

Nurses are the hospitality of the hospital. - Carrie Latet

Fashion saves a lot more lives than doctors. - Bruno Gehard

A little chocolate a day keeps the doctor at bay. - Marcia Carrington

My doctor tells me I got a communications disease. - Archie Bunker

Why do the best doctors have the sickest patients? - Unknown

Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died. - Erma Bombeck

Nursing would be a dream job if there were no doctors. - Gerhard Kocher

Feminism is a wonderful idea until the car goes wrong. - Nicola Zweig

A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running. - Groucho Marx

After two days in hospital I took a turn for the nurse. - WC Fields

A half doctor near is better than a whole one far away. - German Proverb

The doctor is often more to be feared than the disease. - French Proverb

Auto racing began 5 minutes after the second car was built. - Henry Ford

Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth. - Erma Bombeck

Trips to the dentist - I like to postpone that kind of thing. - Johnny Depp

You should never have more children than you have car windows. - Erma Bombeck

I had to stop driving my car for a while - the tires got dizzy. - Steven Wright

Anyone who goes to a psychiatrist should have his head examined. - Samuel Goldwyn

Only a biker knows why a dog sticks his head out of a car window. - Unknown

Living with a conscience is like driving a car with the brakes on. - Budd Schulberg

She got her good looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon. - Groucho Marx

The patient is not likely to recover who makes the doctor his heir. - Thomas Fuller

Joy is more divine than sorrow, for joy is bread and sorrow is medicine. - Henry Ward Beecher

The worst thing about medicine is that one kind makes another necessary. - Elbert Hubbard

A good laugh and a long sleep are the best cures in the Doctor's book. - Irish Proverb

Doctors think a lot of patients are cured who have simply quit in disgust. - Don Herold

Observation, Reason, Human Understanding, Courage; these make the physician. - Martin H. Fischer

Financial ruin from medical bills is almost exclusively an American disease. - Roul Turley

A woman doctor is only good for women's problems - like your groinocology - Archie Bunker

This is a sharp medicine, but it is a physician for all diseases and miseries. - Sir Walter Raleigh

You know you're a redneck if your home has wheels and your car doesn't. - Jeff Foxworthy

He's the best physician that knows the worthlessness of the most medicines. - Benjamin Franklin

The doctors can cure all sorts of ills, except the shock of doctors' bills. - Unknown

Oh, when I was a kid, I was ugly. When I was born, the doctor smacked my mother. - Rodney Dangerfield

The best doctors in the world are Doctor Diet, Doctor Quiet, and Doctor Merryman. - Jonathan Swift

Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do "practice"? - George Carlin

A psychiatrist is a man who goes to Les Folies Bergere and looks at the audience. - Mervyn Stockwood

When a man opens a car door for his wife, it's either a new car or a new wife. - Prince Philip

You don't have to carry a designer bag that costs more than a car to look cool. - Kesha

The lead car is absolutely unique, except for the one behind it which is identical. - Murray Walker

I got the bill for my surgery. Now I know what those doctors were wearing masks for. - James H. Boren

Wealthy people miss one of life's greatest thrills: making the last car payment. - Unknown

What clinical lectures I will give in heaven, demonstrating the ignorance of doctors! - Israel Zangwill

Virus: a Latin word used by doctors to mean, "Your guess is as good as mine." - Unknown

The latest thing in psychiatry is group therapy. Instead of couches, they use bunk beds. - Henny Youngman

Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys. - P.J. O'Rourke

Show me a Jewish boy who doesn't go to medical school and I'll show you a lawyer. - Milton Berle

I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places. - Henny Youngman

The dent in his car is hardly cold and he's coming over here to claim his pound of fish. - Archie Bunker

The practice of medicine occurs even in primitive society, but law accompanies civilization. - Saying

They say you only go around once, but with a muscle car you can go around two or three times. - Tim Allen

Constant attention by a good nurse may be just as important as a major operation by a surgeon. - Dag Hammarskjold

A physician buries his mistakes, a dentist pulls them out, but a teacher has to live with them. - Unknown

My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people. - Orson Welles

I wondher why ye can always read a doctor's bill an' ye niver can read his purscription. - Finley Peter Dunne

Psychiatrist: a person who will give you expensive answers that your wife will give you for free. - Unknown

The lead car is absolutely, truly unique, except for the one behind it which is exactly identical. - Murray Walker

Marriage has no guarantees. If that's what you're looking for, go live with a car battery. - Erma Bombeck

Medicine, the only profession that labours incessantly to destroy the reason for its own existence. - James Bryce

My physician has become warden of my medically imprisoned body, pharmaceuticals the bars on my cell. - Grey E. Livingston

When I was born the Doctor took one look at my face, turned me over and said, "Look, twins!" - Rodney Dangerfield

The only equipment lack in the modern hospital? Somebody to meet you at the entrance with a handshake! - Martin H. Fischer

I'm going to the backseat of my car with the woman I love, and I won't be back for ten minutes. - Homer Simpson

Psychiatry is the art of teaching people how to stand on their own two feet while reclining on couches. - Sigmund Freud

Happiness is your dentist telling you it won't hurt and then having him catch his hand in the drill. - Johnny Carson

Kindness and a generous spirit go a long way. And a sense of humor. It's like medicine - very healing. - Max Irons

The doctor sees all the weakness of mankind, the lawyer all the wickedness, the theologian all the stupidity. - Arthur Schopenhauer

When walking, you see things that you miss in a motor car or on the train. You give your mind space to ponder. - Tom Hodgkinson

In the sick room, ten cents' worth of human understanding equals ten dollars' worth of medical science. - Martin H. Fischer

Recommending gastric bypass as a national solution for our diabetes epidemic is bad medicine and bad economics. - Mark Hyman

'Tis not always in a physician's power to cure the sick; at times the disease is stronger than trained art. - Ovid

Following his doctor's orders, Nikita (Khrushchev) has cut his drinking in half. He's leaving out the water. - Bob Hope

There is no medicine like hope, no incentive so great, and no tonic so powerful as expectation of something tomorrow. - O.S. Marden

The doctor may also learn more about the illness from the way the patient tells the story than from the story itself. - James B. Herrick

For all of the fights I have had in my life, both on and off the ice, I have only been in the back of a cop car once. - Tie Domi

I hooked up my accelerator pedal in my car to my brake lights. I hit the gas, people behind me stop, and I'm gone. - Steven Wright

The only weapon with which the unconscious patient can immediately retaliate upon the incompetent surgeon is hemorrhage. - William Stewart Halsted

The best doctor in the world is a veterinarian. He can't ask his patients what is the matter - he's got to know. - Will Rogers

Anyone who thinks sitting in church can make you a Christian must also think that sitting in a garage can make you a car. - Garrison Keillor

My kids always perceived the bathroom as a place where you wait it out until all the groceries are unloaded from the car. - Erma Bombeck

Each patient ought to feel somewhat the better after the physician's visit, irrespective of the nature of the illness. - Warfield Theobald Longcope

Only one rule in medical ethics need concern you: that action on your part which best conserves the interest of your patient. - Martin H. Fischer

I've got a great doctor. He gave a guy six months to live. They couldn't pay his bill so he gave him another six months. - Henny Youngman

A doctor must work eighteen hours a day and seven days a week. If you cannot console yourself to this, get out of the profession. - Martin H. Fischer

I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away. - George Carlin

Sometimes, giving up your privacy is a little like going to the dentist and we have let him have access that no one's ever had. - Tom Petty

When I die, I want to go peacefully like my grandfather did, in his sleep. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car. - Unknown

It is amazing how quickly the kids learn to drive a car, yet are unable to understand the lawn mower, snowblower and vacuum cleaner. - Ben Bergor

I have an answering machine in my car. It says, "I'm home now. But leave a message and I'll call when I'm out." - Steven Wright

A man who has never gone to school may steal from a freight car; but if he has a university education, he may steal the whole railroad. - Theodore Roosevelt

I do not have a psychiatrist and I do not want one, for the simple reason that if he listened to me long enough, he might become disturbed. - James Thurber

When I was born the doctor came out to the waiting room and told my father, "We did everything we could... but he pulled through." - Rodney Dangerfield

A car hits a Jewish man. The paramedic rushes over and says, "Are you comfortable?" The guy says, "I make a good living." - Henny Youngman

The physician should look upon the patient as a besieged city and try to rescue him with every means that art and science place at his command. - Alexander of Tralles

When I get real bored, I like to drive downtown and get a great parking spot, then sit in my car and count how many people ask me if I'm leaving. - Steven Wright

One of the first duties of the physician is to educate the masses not to take medicine... Soap and water and common sense are the best disinfectants. - William Osler

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