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Car Surgeon

Has your Doctor diagnosed your timing belt?

Car Surgeon thanks to Idske Mulder, The Netherlands

Timing is everything

QuotaBills
Physician, heal thyself. - Luke 4:23

Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman - Christopher Walken

Time is generally the best doctor. - Ovid

I'm so mean, I make medicine sick. - Muhammad Ali

Surgery is the cry of defeat in medicine. - Martin H. Fischer

God heals, and the doctor takes the fees. - Benjamin Franklin

Chop your own path. Get off the car track. - A.Y. Jackson

The doctors X-rayed my head an found nothing. - Dizzy Dean

When fate arrives the physician becomes a fool. - Arabic proverb

Always laugh when you can. It is cheap medicine. - Lord Byron

My doctor tells me I got a communications disease. - Archie Bunker

Why do the best doctors have the sickest patients? - Unknown

I always say shopping is cheaper than a psychiatrist. - Tammy Faye Bakker

Nursing would be a dream job if there were no doctors. - Gerhard Kocher

After two days in hospital I took a turn for the nurse. - WC Fields

The doctor is often more to be feared than the disease. - French Proverb

There is no physician who can cure the disease of love. - African Proverb

No man is a good doctor who has never been sick himself. - Chinese Proverb

What do we need a psychiatrist for? We know our kid is nuts. - Homer Simpson

A doctor whose breath smells has no right to medical opinion. - Martin H. Fischer

Trips to the dentist - I like to postpone that kind of thing. - Johnny Depp

I had to stop driving my car for a while - the tires got dizzy. - Steven Wright

Be kind to your dentist because he has "fillings" too. - Unknown

My doctor gave me two weeks to live. I hope they're in August. - Ronnie Shakes

Living with a conscience is like driving a car with the brakes on. - Budd Schulberg

She got her good looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon. - Groucho Marx

The patient is not likely to recover who makes the doctor his heir. - Thomas Fuller

To attract men, I wear a perfume called "New Car Interior". - Rita Rudner

A good laugh and a long sleep are the best cures in the Doctor's book. - Irish Proverb

Doctors think a lot of patients are cured who have simply quit in disgust. - Don Herold

Observation, Reason, Human Understanding, Courage; these make the physician. - Martin H. Fischer

I told my dentist my teeth are going yellow. he told me to wear a brown tie. - Rodney Dangerfield

It is sometimes as dangerous to be run into by a microbe as by a trolley car. - J.J. Walsh

This is a sharp medicine, but it is a physician for all diseases and miseries. - Sir Walter Raleigh

You know you're a redneck if your home has wheels and your car doesn't. - Jeff Foxworthy

The doctors can cure all sorts of ills, except the shock of doctors' bills. - Unknown

The best doctors in the world are Doctor Diet, Doctor Quiet, and Doctor Merryman. - Jonathan Swift

When a man opens a car door for his wife, it's either a new car or a new wife. - Prince Philip

The art of medicine consists in amusing the patient while nature cures the disease. - Voltaire

Poisons and medicine are oftentimes the same substance given with different intents. - Peter Mere Latham

Wealthy people miss one of life's greatest thrills: making the last car payment. - Unknown

The only medicine for suffering, crime, and all the other woes of mankind, is wisdom. - Thomas Huxley

The grinding of the intellect is for most people as painful as a dentist's drill. - Leonard Woolf

People pay the doctor for his trouble; for his kindness they still remain in his debt. - Seneca

A guy knows he’s in love when he loses interest in his car for a couple of days. - Tim Allen

If suffering brought wisdom, the dentist's office would be full of luminous ideas. - Mason Cooley

I'm having difficulty getting the doctors around here to sign the appropriate form. - Spike Milligan

Virus: a Latin word used by doctors to mean, "Your guess is as good as mine." - Unknown

Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys. - P.J. O'Rourke

The practice of medicine is a thinker's job, the practice of surgery a plumber's. - Martin H. Fischer

Show me a Jewish boy who doesn't go to medical school and I'll show you a lawyer. - Milton Berle

I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places. - Henny Youngman

A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines. - Frank Lloyd Wright

The dent in his car is hardly cold and he's coming over here to claim his pound of fish. - Archie Bunker

The practice of medicine occurs even in primitive society, but law accompanies civilization. - Saying

They say you only go around once, but with a muscle car you can go around two or three times. - Tim Allen

Yesterday I parked my car in a tow-away zone... when I came back the entire area was missing. - Steven Wright

Dentist: a prestidigitator who, putting metal into your mouth, pulls coin out of your pocket. - Ambrose Bierce

Constant attention by a good nurse may be just as important as a major operation by a surgeon. - Dag Hammarskjold

A physician buries his mistakes, a dentist pulls them out, but a teacher has to live with them. - Unknown

The art of medicine consists of amusing the patient, whilst Mother Nature takes care of the cure. - Voltaire

Medicine, the only profession that labours incessantly to destroy the reason for its own existence. - James Bryce

My physician has become warden of my medically imprisoned body, pharmaceuticals the bars on my cell. - Grey E. Livingston

I live at the dentist's. I'm on my third set of teeth that they put in with nails and screws. - Charles N. Reilly

When I was born the Doctor took one look at my face, turned me over and said, "Look, twins!" - Rodney Dangerfield

The only equipment lack in the modern hospital? Somebody to meet you at the entrance with a handshake! - Martin H. Fischer

Psychiatry is the art of teaching people how to stand on their own two feet while reclining on couches. - Sigmund Freud

Happiness is your dentist telling you it won't hurt and then having him catch his hand in the drill. - Johnny Carson

The Christian's Bible is a drug store. Its contents remain the same, but the medical practice changes. - Mark Twain

The road to medical knowledge is through the pathological museum and not through an apothecary's shop. - William Withey Gull

The abdomen, the chest, and the brain will forever be shut from the intrusion of the wise and humane surgeon. - Eric Ericksen

When walking, you see things that you miss in a motor car or on the train. You give your mind space to ponder. - Tom Hodgkinson

The New England Journal of Medicine reports that 9 out of 10 doctors agree that 1 out of 10 doctors is an idiot. - Jay Leno

I told my doctor I get very tired when I go on a diet, so he gave me pep pills. Know what happened? I ate faster. - Joe E. Lewis

Life's golden age is when the children are too old to need babysitters and too young to borrow the family car. - Unknown

My illness is due to my doctor's insistence that I drink milk, a whitish fluid they force down helpless babies. - WC Fields

Following his doctor's orders, Nikita (Khrushchev) has cut his drinking in half. He's leaving out the water. - Bob Hope

Despite all our toil and progress, the art of medicine still falls somewhere between trout casting and spook writing. - Ben Hecht

The doctor may also learn more about the illness from the way the patient tells the story than from the story itself. - James B. Herrick

My doctor recently told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I feel ten years older already. - Milton Berle

My kids always perceived the bathroom as a place where you wait it out until all the groceries are unloaded from the car. - Erma Bombeck

Each patient ought to feel somewhat the better after the physician's visit, irrespective of the nature of the illness. - Warfield Theobald Longcope

The public blabbers about preventive medicine, but will neither appreciate nor pay for it. You get paid for what you cure. - Martin H. Fischer

I'm not a car guy. The subway gets me where I need to go efficiently and cheaply, and I don't worry about traffic. - Joe Scarborough

To the person with a toothache, even if the world is tottering, there is nothing more important than a visit to a dentist. - George Bernard Shaw

Health is the state about which medicine has nothing to say; sanctity is the state about which theology has nothing to say. - W H Auden

I've got a great doctor. He gave a guy six months to live. They couldn't pay his bill so he gave him another six months. - Henny Youngman

Let no one suppose that the words doctor and patient can disguise from the parties the fact that they are employer and employee. - George Bernard Shaw

Is fuel efficiency really what we need most desperately? I say what we really need is a car that can be shot when it breaks down. - George Carlin

A doctor must work eighteen hours a day and seven days a week. If you cannot console yourself to this, get out of the profession. - Martin H. Fischer

It's a funny relationship that makeup artists have. I always feel kind of like a dentist. People look at me and think of pain. - Rick Baker

I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away. - George Carlin

A physician is obligated to consider more than a diseased organ, more even than the whole man — he must view the man in his world. - Harvey Cushing

A man who has never gone to school may steal from a freight car; but if he has a university education, he may steal the whole railroad. - Theodore Roosevelt

I do not have a psychiatrist and I do not want one, for the simple reason that if he listened to me long enough, he might become disturbed. - James Thurber

When I was born the doctor came out to the waiting room and told my father, "We did everything we could... but he pulled through." - Rodney Dangerfield

A car hits a Jewish man. The paramedic rushes over and says, "Are you comfortable?" The guy says, "I make a good living." - Henny Youngman

A neurotic is a man who builds a castle in the air. A psychotic is the man who lives in it. And a psychiatrist is a man who collects the rent. - Lord Webb-Johnson

When I get real bored, I like to drive downtown and get a great parking spot, then sit in my car and count how many people ask me if I'm leaving. - Steven Wright

I am keeping with tradition today. After I learned of my Golden Globe nomination, I went to the dentist, so today, let's make it the orthodontist. - Frankie Muniz


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