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Car Surgeon

Has your Doctor diagnosed your timing belt?

Car Surgeon thanks to Idske Mulder, The Netherlands

Timing is everything

QuotaBills
Physician, heal thyself. - Luke 4:23

Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman - Christopher Walken

Laughter is the best medicine. - the Joe-kster

Good doctors make poor patients. - Unknown

I'm so mean, I make medicine sick. - Muhammad Ali

God heals, and the doctor takes the fees. - Benjamin Franklin

Chop your own path. Get off the car track. - A.Y. Jackson

The way a doctor writes out a subscription. - Archie Bunker

Nurses are the hospitality of the hospital. - Carrie Latet

Fashion saves a lot more lives than doctors. - Bruno Gehard

A little chocolate a day keeps the doctor at bay. - Marcia Carrington

Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died. - Erma Bombeck

I always say shopping is cheaper than a psychiatrist. - Tammy Faye Bakker

Feminism is a wonderful idea until the car goes wrong. - Nicola Zweig

After two days in hospital I took a turn for the nurse. - WC Fields

A half doctor near is better than a whole one far away. - German Proverb

The doctor is often more to be feared than the disease. - French Proverb

There is no physician who can cure the disease of love. - African Proverb

Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth. - Erma Bombeck

Psychiatrist: an M.D. who can't stand the sight of blood. - Unknown

I had to stop driving my car for a while - the tires got dizzy. - Steven Wright

A smart mother makes often a better diagnosis than a poor doctor. - August Bier

A dentist at work in his vocation always looks down in the mouth. - George D. Prentice

Be kind to your dentist because he has "fillings" too. - Unknown

Only a biker knows why a dog sticks his head out of a car window. - Unknown

My doctor gave me two weeks to live. I hope they're in August. - Ronnie Shakes

Living with a conscience is like driving a car with the brakes on. - Budd Schulberg

She got her good looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon. - Groucho Marx

The patient is not likely to recover who makes the doctor his heir. - Thomas Fuller

To attract men, I wear a perfume called "New Car Interior". - Rita Rudner

If a patient cannot clean his teeth, no dentist can clean them for him. - Martin H. Fischer

Joy is more divine than sorrow, for joy is bread and sorrow is medicine. - Henry Ward Beecher

We do have a zeal for laughter in most situations, give or take a dentist. - Joseph Heller

Observation, Reason, Human Understanding, Courage; these make the physician. - Martin H. Fischer

Financial ruin from medical bills is almost exclusively an American disease. - Roul Turley

I told my dentist my teeth are going yellow. he told me to wear a brown tie. - Rodney Dangerfield

It is sometimes as dangerous to be run into by a microbe as by a trolley car. - J.J. Walsh

A private railroad car is not an acquired taste. One takes to it immediately. - Eleanor R. Belmont

To array a man's will against his sickness is the supreme art of medicine. - Henry Ward Beecher

It is said to be the manner of hypochondriacs to change often their physician. - William Cullen

This is a sharp medicine, but it is a physician for all diseases and miseries. - Sir Walter Raleigh

He's the best physician that knows the worthlessness of the most medicines. - Benjamin Franklin

The doctors can cure all sorts of ills, except the shock of doctors' bills. - Unknown

I wanted to study to be a dental hygienist, marry a rich dentist, and hang it up. - Vicki Lawrence

A psychiatrist is a man who goes to Les Folies Bergere and looks at the audience. - Mervyn Stockwood

The art of medicine consists in amusing the patient while nature cures the disease. - Voltaire

I got the bill for my surgery. Now I know what those doctors were wearing masks for. - James H. Boren

Poisons and medicine are oftentimes the same substance given with different intents. - Peter Mere Latham

Wealthy people miss one of life's greatest thrills: making the last car payment. - Unknown

The only medicine for suffering, crime, and all the other woes of mankind, is wisdom. - Thomas Huxley

No, Doctor, I don't want to grow young again. I just want to keep on growing old. - Madame de Rothschild

People pay the doctor for his trouble; for his kindness they still remain in his debt. - Seneca

A guy knows he’s in love when he loses interest in his car for a couple of days. - Tim Allen

Psychiatry enables us to correct our faults by confessing our parents' shortcomings. - Laurence J Peter

Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys. - P.J. O'Rourke

The practice of medicine is a thinker's job, the practice of surgery a plumber's. - Martin H. Fischer

Show me a Jewish boy who doesn't go to medical school and I'll show you a lawyer. - Milton Berle

I'm not feeling very well - I need a doctor immediately. Ring the nearest golf course. - Groucho Marx

Physiology is the stepchild of medicine. That is why Cinderella often turns out the queen. - Martin H. Fischer

The practice of medicine occurs even in primitive society, but law accompanies civilization. - Saying

A physician buries his mistakes, a dentist pulls them out, but a teacher has to live with them. - Unknown

I wondher why ye can always read a doctor's bill an' ye niver can read his purscription. - Finley Peter Dunne

The art of medicine consists of amusing the patient, whilst Mother Nature takes care of the cure. - Voltaire

The lead car is absolutely, truly unique, except for the one behind it which is exactly identical. - Murray Walker

Medicine, the only profession that labours incessantly to destroy the reason for its own existence. - James Bryce

I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights, so it looks like I'm the only one moving. - Steven Wright

When I was born the Doctor took one look at my face, turned me over and said, "Look, twins!" - Rodney Dangerfield

Psychiatry is the art of teaching people how to stand on their own two feet while reclining on couches. - Sigmund Freud

The Christian's Bible is a drug store. Its contents remain the same, but the medical practice changes. - Mark Twain

The road to medical knowledge is through the pathological museum and not through an apothecary's shop. - William Withey Gull

If my doctor told me I had only six minutes to live, I wouldn't brood, I'd just type a little faster. - Isaac Asimov

The doctor sees all the weakness of mankind, the lawyer all the wickedness, the theologian all the stupidity. - Arthur Schopenhauer

You go to a psychiatrist when you're slightly cracked and keep going until you're completely cracked. - Unknown

Even if the doctor does not give you a year ... make one brave push and see what can be accomplished in a week. - Robert Louis Stevenson

In the sick room, ten cents' worth of human understanding equals ten dollars' worth of medical science. - Martin H. Fischer

The New England Journal of Medicine reports that 9 out of 10 doctors agree that 1 out of 10 doctors is an idiot. - Jay Leno

I told my doctor I get very tired when I go on a diet, so he gave me pep pills. Know what happened? I ate faster. - Joe E. Lewis

Life's golden age is when the children are too old to need babysitters and too young to borrow the family car. - Unknown

My illness is due to my doctor's insistence that I drink milk, a whitish fluid they force down helpless babies. - WC Fields

'Tis not always in a physician's power to cure the sick; at times the disease is stronger than trained art. - Ovid

There is no medicine like hope, no incentive so great, and no tonic so powerful as expectation of something tomorrow. - O.S. Marden

Despite all our toil and progress, the art of medicine still falls somewhere between trout casting and spook writing. - Ben Hecht

I hooked up my accelerator pedal in my car to my brake lights. I hit the gas, people behind me stop, and I'm gone. - Steven Wright

The best doctor in the world is a veterinarian. He can't ask his patients what is the matter - he's got to know. - Will Rogers

Anyone who thinks sitting in church can make you a Christian must also think that sitting in a garage can make you a car. - Garrison Keillor

My kids always perceived the bathroom as a place where you wait it out until all the groceries are unloaded from the car. - Erma Bombeck

Each patient ought to feel somewhat the better after the physician's visit, irrespective of the nature of the illness. - Warfield Theobald Longcope

To the person with a toothache, even if the world is tottering, there is nothing more important than a visit to a dentist. - George Bernard Shaw

It's a funny relationship that makeup artists have. I always feel kind of like a dentist. People look at me and think of pain. - Rick Baker

I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away. - George Carlin

Sometimes, giving up your privacy is a little like going to the dentist and we have let him have access that no one's ever had. - Tom Petty

I went to the doctor because I'd swallowed a bottle of sleeping pills. My doctor told me to have a few drinks and get some rest. - Rodney Dangerfield

I have an answering machine in my car. It says, "I'm home now. But leave a message and I'll call when I'm out." - Steven Wright

A man who has never gone to school may steal from a freight car; but if he has a university education, he may steal the whole railroad. - Theodore Roosevelt

I do not have a psychiatrist and I do not want one, for the simple reason that if he listened to me long enough, he might become disturbed. - James Thurber

When I was born the doctor came out to the waiting room and told my father, "We did everything we could... but he pulled through." - Rodney Dangerfield

The physician should look upon the patient as a besieged city and try to rescue him with every means that art and science place at his command. - Alexander of Tralles

My life is the land, the dogs, the car, the motorcycle, the pond, the canoe, going to pick up mail. It's just a rural retreat that I enjoy. - Burt Shavitz

When I get real bored, I like to drive downtown and get a great parking spot, then sit in my car and count how many people ask me if I'm leaving. - Steven Wright

I am keeping with tradition today. After I learned of my Golden Globe nomination, I went to the dentist, so today, let's make it the orthodontist. - Frankie Muniz


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