#1 humor site on the 'net

Family Reunion

Reuniting with long-lost family members

Family Reunion thanks to Darwin McKee

QuotaBills
People like to trace their ancestry. - Richard Dawkins

My family tree could use some pruning. - Unknown

You live as long as you are remembered. - Russian Proverb

The family is the nucleus of civilization. - William Durant

My parents put a live teddy bear in my crib. - Woody Allen

Our ancestors ... were laborers, not lawyers. - Thomas Jefferson

The rich man has more relations than he knows. - French Proverb

Take it from me, parents just don't understand. - Will Smith

I come from a family where gravy is considered a beverage. - Erma Bombeck

Some men by ancestry are only the shadow of a mighty name. - Etheridge Knight

Love is the child of illusion and the parent of disillusion. - Miguel de Unamuno

Do not remove the ancient landmark that your ancestors set up. - Bible

I'm super laid back. I'm from Texas. I love my family. - Selena Gomez

The meek may inherit the earth, but they don't get in to Harvard. - Robin Williams

You can't choose your ancestors, and neither can your descendants. - Unknown

As a child, my family's menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it. - Buddy Hackett

Conventions are like coins, an easy way of dealing with the commerce of relations. - Freya Stark

Times are bad. Children no longer obey their parents, and everyone is writing a book. - Cicero

It is a desirable thing to be well-descended, but the glory belongs to our ancestors. - Plutarch

The first half of our lives is ruined by our parents and the second half by our children. - Clarence Darrow

He that has no fools, knaves, nor beggars in his family was begot by a flash of lightning. - Thomas Fuller

There's no road map on how to raise a family: it's always an enormous negotiation. - Meryl Streep

I unfortunately still crave chicken McNuggets and bacon, which is the meat candy of the world. - Katy Perry

There are only two lasting bequests we can give our children - one is roots, and the other, wings. - Hodding S. Carter

There's a lot of baggage that comes along with our family, but it's Louis Vuitton baggage. - Kim Kardashian

I don't know who my grandfather was, I am much more concerned to know what his grandson will be. - Abraham Lincoln

Why pay money to have your family tree traced; go into politics and your opponents will do it for you. - Unknown

My family was so poor that if I hadn't been born a boy, I wouldn't of had anything to play with. - Rodney Dangerfield

Family faces are magic mirrors. Looking at people who belong to us, we see the past, present and future. - Gail L. Buckley

I'm going to the Colonel next. I'm gonna get a big bucket of chicken chests and smashed potatoes. - Archie Bunker

The place of the father in the modern suburban family is a very small one, particularly if he plays golf. - Bertrand Russell

My parents have been visiting me for a few days. I just dropped them off at the airport. They leave tomorrow. - Margaret Smith

Life's golden age is when the children are too old to need babysitters and too young to borrow the family car. - Unknown

Her capacity for family affection is extraordinary: when her third husband died, her hair turned quite gold from grief. - Oscar Wilde

The family, that dear octopus from whose tentacles we never quite escape, nor in our innermost hearts never quite wish to. - Dodie Smith

The greatest thing about man is his ability to transcend himself, his ancestry and his environment and to become what he dreams of being. - Tully C. Knoles

What's the two things they tell you are healthiest to eat? Chicken and fish. You know what you should do? Combine them, eat a penguin. - Dave Attell

Fang took the entire family out for coffee and donuts the other night. The kids enjoyed it. It was the first time they'd ever given blood. - Phyllis Diller

Like all parents, my husband and I just do the best we can, and hold our breath and hope we've set aside enough money for our kids' therapy. - Michelle Pfeiffer

I can't help detesting my relations. I suppose it comes from the fact that none of us can stand other people having the same faults as ourselves. - Oscar Wilde


Centennial Puff

Don't Be A Stick In The Mud

Redneck Hitch Attachment

Texas Rims

Window Fall Repair

Louvre Paintings

Parking Spot For Women

Generations Past And Present

Jumping The Gun

New Speed Trap

Window Cleaning in New York

Welcome Beer Mat

Mr. Dressup II

Puppy Special

Breast Cancer Cure

Who Needs Physics?

Bach Scratching

OCD Cookie Jar

Dwarf Plane Pull

Fire Truck

When Not To Stop Too Fast

Cruise Ship Trailer

Lunar Powered Sailing

Hawg'n The Road