#1 humor site on the 'net

Gift Shop for Stray Kids

What inattentive parents can expect at this gift shop

Gift Shop for Stray Kids thanks to Diane Baugh

QuotaBills
Thank God kids never mean well. - Lily Tomlin

Never have children, only grandchildren. - Gore Vidal

The soul is healed by being with children. - Fyodor Dostoyevski

My music is best understood by children and animals. - Igor Stravinsky

Insanity is hereditary. You get it from your children. - Sam Levenson

Anyone who hates children and dogs can't be all bad. - WC Fields

Your children need your presence more than your presents. - Jesse Jackson

The trouble with children is that they are not returnable. - Quentin Crisp

Children need love, especially when they do not deserve it. - Harold Hulbert

Our greatest natural resource is the minds of our children. - Walt Disney

There are two kinds of cruises - pleasure and with children. - George Burns

A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems. - Paul Erdos

Whenever I climb I am followed by a dog called "Ego". - Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche

The important things are children, honesty, integrity and faith. - Andy Williams

If your parents never had children, chances are... neither will you. - Dick Cavett

Kids. They're not easy. But there has to be some penalty for sex. - Bill Maher

Anybody who doesn't know what soap tastes like never washed a dog. - Franklin P Jones

If we don't stand up for children, then we don't stand for much. - Marian W. Edelman

Children's talent to endure stems from their ignorance of alternatives. - Maya Angelou

The hardest job kids face today is learning good manners without seeing any. - Fred Astaire

In America there are two classes of travel - first class, and with children. - Robert Benchley

It is easier for a father to have children than for children to have a real father. - Pope John XXIII

If we would listen to our kids, we'd discover that they are largely self-explanatory. - Robert Brault

I just want a hot cup of coffee, black, and I don't want to hear about your troubles. - Charles Bukowski

Children's games are hardly games. Children are never more serious than when they play. - Michel de Montaigne

Live so that when your children think of fairness, caring, and integrity, they think of you. - H. Jackson Brown

No matter how old a mother is, she watches her middle-aged children for signs of improvement. - Florida Scott-Maxwell

Don't worry that your children never listen to you; worry that they are always watching you. - Robert Fulghum

I married your mother because I wanted children.
Imagine my disappointment when you came along. - Groucho Marx

Mothers are fonder than fathers of their children because they are more certain they are their own. - Aristotle

When it comes to raising children, I believe in give and take. I give orders and they take ‘em. - Bernie Mac

Children are unpredictable. You never know what inconsistency they're going to catch you in next. - Franklin P. Jones

No matter how long we've been together Edith, you still, as the kids say, "turn me over." - Archie Bunker

Before I got married I had six theories about bringing up children; now I have six children and no theories. - John Wilmot

The best thing I've ever done? Well, I've created four beautiful children. You mean, other than that? - Donald Trump

When a dog bites a man, that is not news, because it happens so often. But if a man bites a dog, that is news. - John B. Bogart

Children raced outside. She surveyed their trail - traces of sticky fingerprints across everything, like wee poems. - Dr. SunWolf

Imagine if you succeeded in making the world perfect for your children what a shock the rest of life would be for them. - Joyce Maynard

Tarry a moment to watch the chaos of a playground, crayola-colored shirts of running children, all trying out their wings. - Dr. SunWolf

Children despise their parents until the age of forty, when they suddenly become just like them, thus preserving the system. - Quentin Crewe


Piano Dog

The Art Of Politics

Martini Shirt

American Mustache

Wedding Room Dress

Redneck TP

Big Bird Feeder

City Work Crew's Slow Day

Cow Trampoline

Suspicious Blood Donor

Friends In High Places

Hair Cut Toupee

Finger Physio

Texas Steak

Triathlete with a Drinking Problem

Awning Truck Advertising

Racial Profiling Starts Early

Your Move

Florida Bird Flu

Croc Surfing

Zip Tie Prank

Ukrainian Power Adaptor

World's Hardest Golf Shot

India Airlines Economy Flight