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Daddy, Can I Drive?

Training wheels for your high octane child

Daddy, Can I Drive? thanks to Idske Mulder, The Netherlands

Dad's 'Young Driver' insurance and assurance program

QuotaBills
Do your kids a favor - don't have any. - Robert Orben

No one is in your mind - you are its only driver. - Unknown

Raising kids is part joy and part guerrilla warfare. - Ed Asner

Kids don't remember their best day of television. - Unknown

With kids, the days are long, but the years are short. - John Leguizamo

Feminism is a wonderful idea until the car goes wrong. - Nicola Zweig

Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth. - Erma Bombeck

Kids are life's only guaranteed bona fide upside surprise. - Jack Nicholson

On Halloween, the parents sent their kids out looking like me. - Rodney Dangerfield

Drive slow and enjoy the scenery. Drive fast and join the scenery. - Douglas Horton

Kids: they dance before they learn there is anything that isn't music. - William Stafford

Short of screaming-hot Thai food, everything can be suitable for kids too. - Guy Fieri

I admit, I have a tremendous sex drive. My boyfriend lives forty miles away. - Phyllis Diller

When a kid says "smell my hand," it almost never smells like cinnamon. - Brian P. Cleary

If a man does not know what port he is steering for, no wind is favorable to him. - Seneca

When a man opens a car door for his wife, it's either a new car or a new wife. - Prince Philip

My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor. - Phyllis Diller

When I was a kid, I used to think pork chops and karate chops were the same thing. - Shane Koyczan

The drivers have one foot on the brake, one on the clutch, and one on the throttle. - Bob Varsha

Drive-in banks were established so most of the cars today could see their real owners. - E. Joseph Crossman

Intelligence is like a 4 wheel drive - it allows you to get stuck in more remote places. - Garrison Keillor

I am who I am: an Irish Catholic kid, working class from Long Island. And I made it big. - Bill O'Reilly

If it weren't for baseball, many kids wouldn't know what a millionaire looked like. - Phyllis Diller

The man who can drive himself further once the effort gets painful is the man who will win. - Roger Bannister

The dent in his car is hardly cold and he's coming over here to claim his pound of fish. - Archie Bunker

They say you only go around once, but with a muscle car you can go around two or three times. - Tim Allen

The reason there are two senators for each state is so that one can be the designated driver. - Jay Leno

Most of American life is driving somewhere and then driving back wondering why the hell you went. - John Updike

When I was a little kid we had a sand box. It was a quicksand box. I was an only child... eventually. - Steven Wright

When Henry Ford made cheap, reliable cars people said, 'Nah, what's wrong with a horse?' - Elon Musk

No matter how long we've been together Edith, you still, as the kids say, "turn me over." - Archie Bunker

I'm going to the backseat of my car with the woman I love, and I won't be back for ten minutes. - Homer Simpson

No kid is unsmart. Every kid's a genius at something. Our job is to find it. And then encourage it. - Robin Sharma

Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing is like shovelling the walk before it stops snowing. - Phyllis Diller

Women are like cars: we all want a Ferrari, sometimes want a pick-up truck, and end up with a station wagon. - Tim Allen

I love to go to a movie, get a Diet Coke and a barrel of popcorn, and sit there with my kids and watch a film. - William Shatner

The actual building of roads devoted to motor cars is not for the near future, in spite of many rumors to that effect. - Harper's Weekly

There's no such thing as a soul. It's just something they made up to scare kids, like the bogeyman or Michael Jackson. - Bart Simpson

It is amazing how quickly the kids learn to drive a car, yet are unable to understand the lawn mower, snowblower and vacuum cleaner. - Ben Bergor

You can imagine me as a kid growing up in redneck Texas with ballet shoes, tucking the violin under my arm. I had to fight my way up. - Patrick Swayze


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