IRS Middle Class Pencil Sharpener
Exercise to help you prepare for this year's taxes!
Let the government sharpen your pencils
Tax his land,
Tax his bed,
Tax the table
At which he's fed.
Tax his tractor,
Tax his mule,
Teach him taxes
Are the rule.
Tax his cow,
Tax his goat,
Tax his pants,
Tax his coat.
Tax his ties,
Tax his shirt,
Tax his work,
Tax his dirt.
Tax his tobacco,
Tax his drink,
Tax him if he tries to think.
Tax his cigars,
Tax his beers,
If he cries, then tax his tears.
Tax his car,
Tax his gas,
Find other ways to tax his ass.
Tax all he has,
Then let him know
That you won't be done 'til he has no dough.
When he screams and hollers,
Then tax him some more,
Tax him till he's good and sore.
Then tax his coffin,
Tax his grave,
Tax the sod in which he's laid.
Put these words upon his tomb,
“Taxes drove me to my doom.”
When he's gone, do not relax,
Its time to apply
The inheritance tax...
... and just a few more...
Accounts Receivable Tax
Building Permit Tax
CDL license Tax
Corporate Income Tax
Dog License Tax
Federal Income Tax
Federal Unemployment Tax (FUTA)
Fishing License Tax
Food License Tax
Fuel permit tax
Gasoline Tax (42 cents per gallon)
Gross Receipts Tax
Hunting License Tax
IRS Interest Charges IRS Penalties
Marriage License Tax
Personal Property Tax
Real Estate Tax
Service charge taxes
Social Security Tax
Road usage taxes
Recreational Vehicle Tax
State Income Tax
State Unemployment Tax (SUTA)
Telephone federal excise tax
Telephone federal universal service fee tax
Telephone federal, state and local surcharge taxes
Telephone minimum usage surcharge tax
Telephone recurring and non-recurring charges tax
Telephone state and local tax
Telephone usage charge tax
Vehicle License Registration Tax
Vehicle Sales Tax
Watercraft registration Tax
Well Permit Tax
Workers Compensation Tax
Not one of these taxes existed 100 years ago...
We had absolutely no national debt, had the largest middle class in the world,
and Mom stayed home to raise the kids...
What happened? Can you spell 'politicians'?
Stress makes you stupid. - Unknown
Read my lips: no new taxes. - George Bush
Under every stone lurks a politician. - Aristophanes
A government of law is a government of lawyers. - Saying
Turn on to politics, or politics will turn on you. - Ralph Nader
Death and taxes are unsolved engineering problems. - Romana Machado
Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows - marriage does. - Groucho Marx
We live in a world in which politics has replaced philosophy. - Martin L. Gross
A government is the only known vessel that leaks from the top. - James Reston
We have the best government in the world... that money can buy. - Mark Twain
I believe that truth is the glue that holds government together. - Gerald R. Ford
Champagne for my real friends and real pain for my sham friends. - Tom Waits
The sad duty of politics is to establish justice in a sinful world. - Reinhold Niebuhr
One of the greatest pains to human nature is the pain of a new idea. - Walter Bagehot
I wish the government would put a tax on pianos for the incompetent. - Edith Sitwell
A politician is a fellow who will lay down your life for his country. - Tex Guinan
Politics is the chloroform of the Irish people, or, rather the hashish. - Oliver St. John Gogarty
Stress is an important dragon to slay - or at least tame - in your life. - Marilu Henner
The great art of life is sensation; to feel that we exist, even in pain. - Lord Byron
Humor does not diminish the pain - it makes the space around it get bigger. - Allen Klein
Ninety percent of the politicians give the other ten percent a bad reputation. - Henry Kissinger
A filmmaker we almost lost to politics... my friend and colleague, Warren Beatty. - Jack Nicholson
Either the government will be given to us or we shall seize it by marching on Rome. - Benito Mussolini
The greatest weapon against stress is our ability to choose one thought over another. - William James
I love Canada. I am from Canada. I will bash the Canadian government but never Canada. - Jason Priestley
Taxes are the dues that we pay for the privilege of membership in an organized society. - Franklin D Roosevelt
Of all the tasks of government, the most basic is to protect its citizens from violence. - John Foster Dulles
There is a thin line that separates laughter and pain, comedy and tragedy, humor and hurt. - Erma Bombeck
My brother Bob doesn't want to be in government - he promised Dad he'd go straight. - John F Kennedy
Politicians are the same all over. They promise to build bridges even when there are no rivers. - Nikita Khruschev
Good thing we've still got politics in Texas - finest form of free entertainment ever invented. - Molly Ivins
I could juggle anything in my day: balls, cigar boxes, knives. But I could never juggle my income tax. - WC Fields
I have certain rules I live by. My first rule: I don't believe anything the government tells me. Nothing. Zero. - George Carlin
Politics is the only business where doing nothing other than making the other guy look bad is an acceptable outcome. - Mark Warner
Frankly, I'd like to see the government get out of war altogether and leave the whole field to private industry. - Joseph Heller
Transformation also means looking for ways to stop pushing yourself so hard professionally or inviting so much stress. - Gail Sheehy
It's especially hard if the government is not providing services, or is even conducting ethnic cleansing against you. - Paul Harvey
Ever occur to you why some of us can be this much concerned with animals suffering? Because government is not. Why not? Animals don't vote. - Paul Harvey
Being in politics is like being a football coach; you have to be smart enough to understand the game, and dumb enough to think it's important. - Eugene McCarthy
Regarded simply as a politician, and compared with the other leading political figures of our time, how clean a smell he has managed to leave behind. - Mahatma Gandhi