#1 humor site on the 'net

It's A Cracker

People from Down Under & the U.K. think this is hilarious

It's A Cracker thanks to Bryan Harrap

QuotaBills
Humor is reason gone mad. - Groucho Marx

Wit is educated insolence. - Aristotle

Brevity is the soul of wit. - William Shakespeare

Living Happily Ever Laughter! - Joe-kster

Housekeeping ain't no joke. - Louisa May Alcott

The gods too are fond of a joke. - Aristotle

A pun is the lowest form of wit. - John Dennis

Coincidences are spiritual puns. - G K Chesterton

The secret to humor is surprise. - Aristotle

Wit is the lowest form of humor. - Alexander Pope

Wit is the epitaph of an emotion. - Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche

I'd rather be funny than wise. - Dennis Miller

A joke's a very serious thing. - Charles Churchill

When the age is in, the wit is out. - William Shakespeare

A rich man's joke is always funny. - Thomas Edward Brown

A day without laughter is a day wasted. - Charlie Chaplin

For every laugh there should be a tear. - Walt Disney

Humor is mankind's greatest blessing. - Mark Twain

When humor goes, there goes civilization. - Erma Bombeck

I would rather be called funny than pretty. - Nia Vardalos

The crisis of today is the joke of tomorrow. - H G Wells

Laughter would be bereaved if snobbery died. - Peter Ustinov

Make fun of menopause - laugh your flash off! - Kathy Cagney

Plant smiles
Grow laughter
Harvest love - Unknown

The funniest thing a comedian can do is not do it. - WC Fields

Humor is just another defense against the universe. - Mel Brooks

Angels can fly because they take themselves lightly. - G K Chesterton

Laughter is the closest distance between two people. - Victor Borge

Humour is emotional chaos remembered in tranquility. - James Thurber

God writes comedy but sometimes has a slow audience. - Garrison Keillor

The most wasted of all days is one without laughter. - e e cummings

The problem with political jokes is they get elected. - Henry Cate, VII

Laughter is brightest in the place where the food is. - Ireland Proverb

Mountains aren't just funny. They are hill areas. - Unknown

Men will let you abuse them only if you make them laugh. - Henry Ward Beecher

This is a feminist bookstore. There is no humour section. - John Callahan

There is nothing laughable about a clown in the moonlight. - Lon Chaney

You can't be funny if you don't have good material. - Matt LeBlanc

Tell me what you laugh at, and I'll tell you who you are. - Marcel Pagnol

I have a fine sense of the ridiculous, but no sense of humor. - Edward Albee

I hope life isn't a big joke, because I don't get it. - Jack Handey

The best way to ruin a comedy is to throw a lot of money at it. - Jay Leno

You grow up the day you have your first real laugh - at yourself. - Ethel Barrymore

The more I live, the more I think that humor is the saving sense. - Jacob Riis

Laugh and the world laughs with you;
Weep, and you weep alone. - Ella Wheeler Wilcox

Where there is laughter there is always more health than sickness. - Phyllis Bottome

Nothing lasts forever, so live it up, drink it down, laugh it off. - Unknown

All I know about humor is that I don't know anything about it. - Fred Allen

A humorist is a person who feels bad, but who feels good about it. - Don Herold

Life is a tragedy when seen in close-up, but a comedy in long-shot. - Charlie Chaplin

Bricks may make a house, but the laughter of children makes a home. - Irish Proverb

Forgiveness is a funny thing. It warms the heart and cools the sting. - William Arthur Ward

A pun is the lowest form of humor, unless you thought of it yourself. - Doug Larson

The scariest person in the world is the person with no sense of humor. - Michael J. Fox

All I need to make a comedy is a park, a policeman, and a pretty girl. - Charlie Chaplin

Life is a tragedy for those who feel, and a comedy for those who think. - La Bruyere

The best way to make your audience laugh is to start laughing yourself. - Oliver Goldsmith

The best ideas come as joe-ks. Make your thinking as funny as possibell. - Joe-kster

Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny? - George Carlin

If you are not allowed to laugh in heaven, I don't want to go there. - Martin Luther

I don't make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts. - Will Rogers

A man's got to take a lot of punishment to write a really funny book. - Ernest Hemingway

What a strange world this would be if we all had the same sense of humor. - Bernard Williams

A good laugh and a long sleep are the best cures in the Doctor's book. - Irish Proverb

I never stole a joke in my life. I just find them before they're lost. - Milton Berle

We do have a zeal for laughter in most situations, give or take a dentist. - Joseph Heller

The man who says his wife can't take a joke, forgets that she took him. - Oscar Wilde

Wit is a sword; it is meant to make people feel the point as well as see it. - G K Chesterton

No mind is thoroughly well organized that is deficient in a sense of humour. - Samuel Taylor Coleridge

It's hard to lead a cavalry charge if you think you look funny on a horse. - Adlai Stevenson

The secret source of humor is not joy but sorrow; there is no humor in Heaven. - Mark Twain

You are not angry with people when you laugh at them. Humor teaches tolerance. - W Somerset Maugham

I imagine hell like this: Italian punctuality, German humour and English wine. - Peter Ustinov

My way of joe-king is telling the truth; that is the funniest joke in the world. - George Bernard Shaw

Humor is everywhere in that there's irony in just about anything a human does. - Bill Nye

Personally, I'm against political jokes. Too often they get elected to office. - Henny Youngman

Blessed is the man who can laugh at himself, for he will never cease to be amused. - Proverb

When a person can no longer laugh at himself, it is time for others to laugh at him. - Thomas Szasz

What other culture could have produced someone like Hemingway and not seen the joke? - Gore Vidal

Humor distorts nothing, and only false gods are laughed off their earthly pedestals. - Agnes Repplier

No dignity, no learning, no force of character, can make any stand against good wit. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

I've learned to have a sense of humor about myself. Lord knows everyone else does! - Debbie Gibson

It is the ability to take a joke, not make one, that proves you have a sense of humor. - Max Eastman

I want someone who can keep me on my toes, has a good sense of humor and a good heart. - Carmen Electra

Of puns it has been said that they who most dislike them are least able to utter them. - Edgar Allan Poe

The more you find out about the world, the more opportunities there are to laugh at it. - Bill Nye

I like to crack the jokes now and again, but it's only because I struggle with math. - Tina Fey

I will be posting telepathically today. So if you think of something funny, that was me. - joe-kster

The young man who has not wept is a savage, and the old man who will not laugh is a fool. - George Santayana

I think superheroes are heroes with flaws, and in their flaws, there is a sense of humor. - Peter Segal

The marvelous thing about a joke with a double meaning is that it can only mean one thing. - Ronnie Barker

Don't get your knickers in a knot. Nothing is solved and it just makes you walk funny. - Kathryn Carpenter

There is a thin line that separates laughter and pain, comedy and tragedy, humor and hurt. - Erma Bombeck

People always ask me, "Were you funny as a child?" Well, no, I was an accountant. - Ellen DeGeneres

I am on your Walk of Fame in Toronto. My sense of humour is Canadian. But I can't vote. - Donald Sutherland

When I first said I wanted to be a comedian, everyone laughed. They're not laughing now. - Bob Monkhouse

There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you. - Will Rogers

Blessed is he who has learned to laugh at himself, for he shall never cease to be entertained. - John Powell

Some people say my humor focuses too much on stereotypes. It doesn't. It focuses on facts. - Sarah Silverman

The joke was lost on the foreigner - guides cannot master the subtleties of the American joke. - Mark Twain

Those who don't know how to weep with their whole heart, don't know how to laugh either. - Golda Meir

You may not be able to change a situation, but with humor you can change your attitude about it. - Allen Klein

The highlight of my childhood was making my brother laugh so hard that food came out of his nose. - Garrison Keillor

Wit - the salt with which the American humorist spoils his intellectual cookery by leaving it out. - Ambrose Bierce

The Irish gave the bagpipes to the Scotts as a joke, but the Scotts haven't seen the joke yet. - Oliver Herford

The aim of a joke is not to degrade the human being, but to remind him that he is already degraded. - George Orwell

Companies need to lighten up and take themselves less seriously. They need to get a sense of humor. - Unknown

Humour is our way of defending ourselves from life's absurdities by thinking absurdly about them. - Lewis Mumford

Humor is what happens when we're told the truth quicker and more directly than we're used to. - George Saunders

A laugh is a surprise. And all humor is physical. I was always athletic, so that came naturally to me. - Chevy Chase

If you don't learn to laugh at trouble, you won't have anything to laugh at when you grow old. - Edgar Watson Howe

I think it's the duty of the comedian to find out where the line is drawn and cross it deliberately. - George Carlin

You have a choice in this world, I believe, about how to tell sad stories, and we made the funny choice. - John Green

Life does not cease to be funny when people die any more than it ceases to be serious when people laugh. - George Bernard Shaw

Kindness and a generous spirit go a long way. And a sense of humor. It's like medicine - very healing. - Max Irons

The problem with having a sense of humor is often that people you use it on aren't in a very good mood. - Lou Holtz

There seems to be no lengths to which humorless people will not go to analyze humor. It seems to worry them. - Robert Benchley

A well-developed sense of humor is the pole that adds balance to your steps as you walk the tightrope of life. - William Arthur Ward

A benefit of any job is laughter. It should never be a crime to have fun on the job. It may be a crime not to. - Terry Paulson

I have seen what a laugh can do. It can transform almost unbearable tears into something bearable, even hopeful. - Bob Hope

When hungry, eat your rice; when tired, close your eyes. Fools may laugh at me, but wise men will know what I mean. - Lin-Chi

Men will confess to treason, murder, arson, false teeth, or a wig. How many of them will own up to a lack of humor? - Frank Colby

Humour is the weapon of unarmed people: it helps people who are oppressed to smile at the situation that pains them. - Simon Wiesenthal

When humor works, it works because it's clarifying what people already feel. It has to come from someplace real. - Tina Fey

You can go your whole life and not need math or physics for a minute, but the ability to tell a joke is always handy. - Garrison Keillor

There's nothing like a gleam of humor to reassure you that a fellow human being is ticking inside a strange face. - Eva Hoffman

I have never understood why it should be considered derogatory to the Creator to suppose that he has a sense of humor. - Ralph Inge

I love people who make me laugh. I honestly think it's the thing I like most, to laugh. It cures a multitude of ills. - Audrey Hepburn

Whatever you have read I have said is almost certainly untrue, except if it is funny, in which case I definitely said it. - Tallulah Bankhead

From New Year's on the outlook brightens; good humor lost in a mood of failure returns. I resolve to stop complaining. - Leonard Bernstein

God writes a lot of comedy... the trouble is, he's stuck with so many bad actors who don't know how to play funny. - Garrison Keillor

Women, as they grow older, rely more and more on cosmetics. Men, as they grow older, rely more and more on a sense of humor. - George Jean Nathan

Your joy is your sorrow unmasked. And the selfsame well from which your laughter rises was oftentimes filled with your tears. - Kahlil Gibran

Milton, for sixty years you've entertained us, and you've made us laugh, and we say to you, 'Milton, do it again. - Archbishop Fulton J. Sheen

The satirist shoots to kill while the humorist brings his prey back alive and eventually releases him again for another chance. - Peter De Vries

Menopause is thicker than water. When we talk and laugh about it, we learn and relax. It's a life transition, not a disease. - Unknown

She raised us with humor, and she raised us to understand that not everything was going to be great, but how to laugh through it. - Liza Minnelli

Common sense and a sense of humor are the same thing, moving at different speeds. A sense of humor is just common sense, dancing. - Clive James

The man with the real sense of humor is the man who can put himself in the spectator's place and laugh at his own misfortune. - Bert Williams

No one has timing like Milton Berle. He has absolutely the finest timing of any comedian in the business. There's no one like him. - Sid Caesar

Dogs laugh, but the laugh with their tails. What puts man in a higher state of evolution is that he has got his laugh on the right end. - Max Eastman

My mission in life is not merely to survive, but to thrive; and to do so with some passion, some compassion, some humor, and some style. - Maya Angelou

Heard about the young deaf boy who used sign language?
One day he told his mother a dirty joke and she washed his hands out with soap. - Red Skelton

There is not less wit, not less invention, in applying rightly a thought one finds in a book, than in being the first author of that book. - Pierre Boyle

A taste for irony has kept more hearts from breaking than a sense of humor, for it takes irony to appreciate the joke which is on oneself. - Jessamyn West

There's nothing more contagious than the laughter of young children; it doesn't even have to matter what they're laughing about. - Criss Jami

Laughter is a form of internal jogging. It moves your internal organs around. It enhances respiration. It is an igniter of great expectation. - Norman Cousins

Humor is richly rewarding to the person who employs it. It has some value in gaining and holding attention, but it has no persuasive value at all. - John Kenneth Galbraith

There was never yet an uninteresting life. Such a thing is an impossibility. Inside of the dullest exterior there is a drama, a comedy, and a tragedy. - Mark Twain

A woman with confidence is hypnotic. A smile is mesmerizing. Presence, openness, a sense of humor - these are all things that make a woman attractive. - Jessica Ortner


High Tide Heels

Frozen Fish Meal

Stork Exhaust

I 'Saw' An Accident

Protractor Cook

Street Genius

Rebar Walker

No Worries

Road To Success

Politician Training

Math in Africa

Customers Wanted

Sock Storage

Hung Out To Dry

Need More Horsepower?

Japanese Diving Platform

Water Taxi

Wrench Family

How To Burn Fat

Ghetto Boat

Car Surgeon

Just Blew It

His Dent

Cheat of the Year