#1 humor site on the 'net

The Ass Family

Meet the members of the Ass family

The Ass Family thanks to Roy Taylor

QuotaBills
Position is nine-tenths of the law. - Archie Bunker

A wise man cares not for what he cannot have. - Unknown

It is a wise father that knows his own child. - William Shakespeare

Wise men make proverbs, but fools repeat them. - Samuel Palmer

So wise so young, they say, do never live long. - William Shakespeare

Nine-tenths of wisdom consists in being wise in time. - Theodore Roosevelt

Besmooch the family name in the eyes of the community. - Archie Bunker

Wise men don't need advice. Fools don't take it. - Benjamin Franklin

I was deaf and dumb and blind to all but me, myself and I. - Loretta Young

Wise people learn when they can.
Fools learn when they must. - Arthur Wellesley Wellington

We are all mortal until the first kiss and the second glass of wine. - Eduardo Galeano

Happiness is having a large, caring, close-knit family in another city. - George Burns

There is nothing more beautiful in this world than a healthy, wise old man. - Lin Yutang

As a child, my family's menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it. - Buddy Hackett

I don't have to look up my family tree, because I know that I'm the sap. - Fred Allen

The heart of a fool is in his mouth, but the mouth of a wise man is in his heart. - Benjamin Franklin

The wisdom of the wise and the experience of the ages are perpetuated by quoatations. - Benjamin Disraeli

A word to the wise ain't necessary - it's the stupid ones that need the advice. - Bill Cosby

Cabbage: A familiar kitchen-garden vegetable about as large and wise as a man's head. - Ambrose Bierce

Man who invented the hamburger was smart; man who invented the cheeseburger was a genius. - Matthew McConaughey

The Lord hath created medicines out of the earth; and he that is wise will not abhor them. - The Bible

may I be I is the only prayer - not may I be great or good or beautiful or wise or strong. - e e cummings

Even fools are thought wise if they keep silent, and discerning if they hold their tongue. - Old Testament

We are, in the comics, the last frontier of good, wholesome family humor and entertainment. - Bill Keane

I came from a big family. As a matter of fact, I never got to sleep alone until I was married. - Lewis Grizzard

She is very proud to have won, and now she is in a very tough position. She is extremely brave. - Donald Trump

Even a wise man knows doubt from time to time, it is the fool who allows it to rule his judgement. - Jennifer Hudock

You see a lot of smart guys with dumb women, but you hardly ever see a smart woman with a dumb guy. - Erica Jong

You learn how to be book smart in school, but you better not forget that you also need to be street smart. - Harvey Mackay

It is the passion that is in a kiss that gives to it its sweetness; it is the affection in a kiss that sanctifies it. - Christian Nestell Bovee

The practical importance of the preservation of our forests is augmented by their relations to climate, soil and streams. - John Muir

The family, that dear octopus from whose tentacles we never quite escape, nor in our innermost hearts never quite wish to. - Dodie Smith

A slave has but one master; an ambitious man has as many masters as there are people who may be useful in bettering his position. - Jean de La Bruyere

The wise man is but a clever infant, spelling letters from a hieroglyphical prophetic book, the lexicon of which lies in eternity. - Thomas Carlyle

When my time on Earth is gone and my activities here are past, I want that they should bury me upside down so my critics can kiss my ass. - Bobby Knight

Fang took the entire family out for coffee and donuts the other night. The kids enjoyed it. It was the first time they'd ever given blood. - Phyllis Diller

In a big family the first child is kind of like the first pancake. If it's not perfect, that's okay, there are a lot more coming along. - Antonin Scalia

Q: When is the perfect time?
A: Who can say, but probably somewhere between haste and delay - and it's usually most wise to start today. - Rasheed Ogunlaru

Wise sayings are not only for ornament, but for action and business, having a point or edge, whereby knots in business are pierced and discovered. - Lord Francis Bacon

I should have suspected my husband was lazy. On our wedding day, his mother told me: "I'm not losing a son; I'm gaining a couch." - Phyllis Diller


Lunch Admirers

Loo View

Cell Phone Booth

Topless Kate Middleton

Skype Hype

Almost Batman

Cadillac Bike

Donut Decadence

Manmade Beach in Japan

Bacon Bikes

Animal Taxi

Lego Key Holder

Mechanic Apprentice

Redneck Helicopter

Hairy Egg

Fork Door Handle

Making Hockey More Popular

Suitcase WorkPlace

One-Knight Stands

Stealth Cell Phone Tower

Holes of the World

Sunken Bed

Australian Wildfire Survivor

Rat Toys