#1 humor site on the 'net

Baby's Off Day

Why does everything always happen to me?

Baby's Off Day thanks to Idske Mulder, The Netherlands

QuotaBills
Birth patrol pills. - Archie Bunker

Baby lying in the bassinoot. - Archie Bunker

I don't like the crying. - Donald Trump

Infancy conforms to nobody; all conform to it. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Ever notice how baby shampoo smells like spring? - Toni Sorenson

Find a shoulder to cry on, but not just any shoulder. - Lewis Schiff

Man's main task in life is to give birth to himself. - Erich Fromm

Menopause: you have to laugh or you'll end up crying. - Missa Says

I'll cry at the end of the day, not with fresh makeup. - Kim Kardashian

Stress should be a powerful driving force, not an obstacle. - Bob Phillips

You take more pictures of your baby than NASA does of Mars. - Unknown

Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth. - Erma Bombeck

A baby is born with a need to be loved - and never outgrows it. - Frank A. Clark

Neither fire nor wind, birth nor death can erase our good deeds. - Buddha

There is no cure for birth and death, save to enjoy the interval. - George Santayana

It is now possible for a flight attendant to get a pilot pregnant. - Richard J. Ferris

Having a baby is like trying to push a grand piano through a transom. - Alice Roosevelt Longworth

A very small degree of hope is sufficient to cause the birth of love. - Stendhal

The big lesson in life, baby, is never be scared of anyone or anything. - Frank Sinatra

The last thing my kids ever did to earn money was lose their baby teeth. - Phyllis Diller

Stress is an important dragon to slay - or at least tame - in your life. - Marilu Henner

At the base and birth of every successful venture you will find an enthusiast. - Winston Churchill

The most effective form of birth control I know is spending the day with my kids. - Jill Bensley

The most important question in the world is, "Why is the child crying?" - Alice Walker

The only time a woman wishes she were a year older is when she is expecting a baby. - Mary Marsh

The firsts go away - first love, first baby, first kiss. You have to create new ones. - Sarah Jessica Parker

The Irish are the only men who know how to cry for the dirty polluted blood of all the world. - Norman Mailer

When I go home, I play with my baby dolls and strollers and diaper bags, and play with my sisters. - Dakota Fanning

I was such an ugly baby. My mother never breast fed me. She told me that she only liked me as a friend. - Rodney Dangerfield

Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will make me go in a corner and cry by myself for hours. - Eric Idle

This country has come to feel the same when Congress is in session as when the baby gets hold of a hammer. - Will Rogers

The baby bat
Screamed out in fright,
'Turn on the dark,
I'm afraid of the light.' - Shel Silverstein

Somewhere on this globe, every ten seconds, there is a woman giving birth to a child. She must be found and stopped. - Sam Levenson

Anyone can make you smile or cry, but it takes someone special to make you smile when you already have tears in your eyes. - Unknown

It's not easy to juggle a pregnant wife and a troubled child, but somehow I managed to squeeze in eight hours of TV a day. - Homer Simpson

No one ever wants to see his or her name linked to anything bad. Conscience is like a baby. It has to go to sleep before you can. - Harvey Mackay

The wise man is but a clever infant, spelling letters from a hieroglyphical prophetic book, the lexicon of which lies in eternity. - Thomas Carlyle

I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks so I wondered, what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks? - George Carlin

I think, at a child's birth, if a mother could ask a fairy godmother to endow it with the most useful gift, that gift should be curiosity. - Eleanor Roosevelt

Our babies are like penguins; penguin babies can't exist unless more than one person is taking care of them. They just can't keep going. - Alison Gopnik


Skateboarding Duck

Hospital Gown Insurance

Mobile Swamp Home

Spring Rolls

Circle Stroke Bikes

Sad TP

Concrete Guestrooms

Spiderman Face Cup

Tick, Tick Good Buddy

Waterfront Icons

Redneck Backhoe Operator

Shanty Town, New Zealand - Potty Pic

Modern Love Affair

Sleepmobile

Osoyoos Sasquatch

Wal-Mart Job Application

Wired Cars

Limit Of Two

Facebook Red Light

Suspended Bedroom

Boss Bird

Static Cat

Matching Receipt

Graffiti Removing Graffiti