#1 humor site on the 'net

Baby's Off Day

Why does everything always happen to me?

Baby's Off Day thanks to Idske Mulder, The Netherlands

QuotaBills
Birth patrol pills. - Archie Bunker

No one vinces me, baby - Michael Grant

I don't like the crying. - Donald Trump

Surgery is the cry of defeat in medicine. - Martin H. Fischer

Babies are such a nice way to start people. - Don Herold

Ever notice how baby shampoo smells like spring? - Toni Sorenson

Crying is for plain women. Pretty women go shopping. - Oscar Wilde

Find a shoulder to cry on, but not just any shoulder. - Lewis Schiff

Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth. - Erma Bombeck

Don't cry because it's over; smile because it happened. - Dr. Seuss

It is now possible for a flight attendant to get a pilot pregnant. - Richard J. Ferris

My Birth Certificate is so old, it's written in Roman Numerals. - Bill Carter

A very small degree of hope is sufficient to cause the birth of love. - Stendhal

Too much homework can cause stress, depression and even lower grades. - Unknown

I love you like crazy, baby
'Cuz I'd go crazy without you. - Pixie Foudre

Symptoms, then are in reality nothing but the cry from suffering organs. - Jean-Martin Charcot

Stress is an important dragon to slay - or at least tame - in your life. - Marilu Henner

Insomnia: a contagious disease often transmitted from babies to parents. - Shannon Fife

Retirement means no pressure, no stress, no heartache... unless you play golf. - Gene Perret

The only time a woman really succeeds in changing a man is when he's a baby. - Natalie Wood

The only time a woman wishes she were a year older is when she is expecting a baby. - Mary Marsh

An ugly baby is a very nasty object, and the prettiest is frightful when undressed. - Queen Victoria

The firsts go away - first love, first baby, first kiss. You have to create new ones. - Sarah Jessica Parker

Aren't we forgetting the true meaning of Christmas? You know, the birth of Santa. - Bart Simpson

If newborn babies could speak they would be the most intelligent beings on planet earth. - Jaden Smith

Stress exacerbates any problem, whether it's diabetes, heart trouble, MS, or whatever. - Mary Ann Mobley

What is so real as the cry of a child? A rabbit's cry may be wilder but it has no soul. - Sylvia Plath

Laugh and the world laughs with you.
Cry, and you're probably watching the wrong channel. - Groucho Marx

I was such an ugly baby. My mother never breast fed me. She told me that she only liked me as a friend. - Rodney Dangerfield

This country has come to feel the same when Congress is in session as when the baby gets hold of a hammer. - Will Rogers

The baby bat
Screamed out in fright,
'Turn on the dark,
I'm afraid of the light.' - Shel Silverstein

My illness is due to my doctor's insistence that I drink milk, a whitish fluid they force down helpless babies. - WC Fields

Somewhere on this globe, every ten seconds, there is a woman giving birth to a child. She must be found and stopped. - Sam Levenson

Anyone can make you smile or cry, but it takes someone special to make you smile when you already have tears in your eyes. - Unknown

If another one of my Whole Food friends says my wife should have a home birth, I am going to punch all the soy on the planet. - Patton Oswalt

It's not easy to juggle a pregnant wife and a troubled child, but somehow I managed to squeeze in eight hours of TV a day. - Homer Simpson

The wise man is but a clever infant, spelling letters from a hieroglyphical prophetic book, the lexicon of which lies in eternity. - Thomas Carlyle

Religion is something left over from the infancy of our intelligence, it will fade away as we adopt reason and science as our guidelines. - Bertrand Russell

Without this playing with fantasy no creative work has ever yet come to birth. The debt we owe to the play of the imagination is incalculable. - Carl Jung

To be a champion, you have to learn to handle stress and pressure. But if you've prepared mentally and physically, you don't have to worry. - Harvey Mackay


Hokey Pokey Addict

Tired Of Snow

Moving Dot Illusion

Lehman Brothers Protest

Crowd Surfing - Expert Level

Pipeline Protesters

Live Long Street

Car Trolley Transportation

Gone To The Dogs

Inside Outside Thinking

German Efficiency

Cutting Trees Above Powerlines

Perfect Pizza

Fridge Support

Moose Pedestrian

Two Foot Steaks

Venice on a Shoestring Budget

German Forest

Late Package Delivery

Simple Surgery

Mega Samurai Puzzles E

Home Wine Delivery

Deer Hunter Tattoo

In Three Pictures