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Chewing Gum Hazard

Government Health Warning - beware of 'Hemorrhoid Helper' workouts

Chewing Gum Hazard thanks to Wally Zatylny

Hemorrhoid Helper Class - Rectum? Darned near killed 'em!

QuotaBills
Health food makes me sick. - Calvin Trillin

Eat right, exercise regularly, die anyway. - Unknown

Didn't he take the exercise tax off cars? - Archie Bunker

Of all the 36 alternatives, running away is best. - Chinese Proverb

My favorite machine at the gym is the vending machine. - Caroline Rhea

Always chase your dreams instead of running from your fears. - Unknown

If you ignore your health for long enough, it'll go away. - Unknown

Maybe I oughta get one of them priests in to exercise with her. - Archie Bunker

Yoga is not just a workout - it's about working on yourself. - Mary Glover

Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint. - Mark Twain

Gossip is just news running ahead of itself in a red satin dress. - Liz Smith

That Gerald Ford. He can't fart and chew gum at the same time. - Lyndon B. Johnson

I get my exercise running to the funerals of my friends who exercise. - Barry Gray

He really is terribly heavy going. Like running up hill in roller skates. - Alan Ayckbourn

Risks must be taken because the greatest hazard in life is to risk nothing. - Leo Buscaglia

In nothing do men more nearly approach the gods than in giving health to men. - Cicero

One cannot spend one's entire life running into bathrooms when danger calls! - Reif Larsen

There is no exercise better for the heart than reaching down and lifting people up. - Unknown

I recently became a Christian Scientist. It was the only health plan I could afford. - Betsy Salkind

People don't trust private health insurance companies for all the right reasons. - Bernie Sanders

There are men running governments who shouldn't be allowed to play with matches. - Will Rogers

The reason I'm running for President is because I can't be Bruce Springsteen. - Barack Obama

If you fall out of that window and break both your legs, don't come running to me. - Groucho Marx

You can outdistance that which is running after you, but not what is running inside you. - Rwandan Proverb

Older people shouldn't eat health food, they need all the preservatives they can get. - Robert Orben

I exercise extreme self control. I never drink anything stronger than gin before breakfast. - WC Fields

My own prescription for health is less paperwork and more running barefoot through the grass. - Leslie Grimutter

We don't come to Canada for our health. We can think of other ways of enjoying ourselves. - Prince Philip

If you think health care is expensive now, wait until you see what it costs when it's free. - P.J. O'Rourke

Every leap year I like to jump. It’s a good way to get my daily exercise in every four years. - Jarod Kintz

Back in my rummy days, I would tremble and shake for hours upon arising. It was the only exercise I got. - WC Fields

When governments become large, voters cannot exercise close oversight, otherwise known as political power. - Maggie Gallagher

I don't know what that gas is made of, but it can't smell any worse than Ernie Johnson 's gym bag. - Charles Barkley

Sea spaghetti looks like dark fettuccine and has a similar texture - you can get it in health food stores or online. - Yotam Ottolenghi

Being President is a lot like running a cemetery. You've got a lot of people under you and nobody's listening. - Bill Clinton

My doctor recently told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I feel ten years older already. - Milton Berle

You end up as you deserve. In old age you must put up with the face, the friends, the health, and the children you have earned. - Fay Weldon

I've seen so many young men over the years who think they're running at other young men. They are not. They are running at me. - Markus Zusak

I worked in a health food store once. A guy came in and asked me, "If I melt dry ice, can I take a bath without getting wet?" - Steven Wright

Laughter is a form of internal jogging. It moves your internal organs around. It enhances respiration. It is an igniter of great expectation. - Norman Cousins


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