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Chewing Gum Hazard

Government Health Warning - beware of 'Hemorrhoid Helper' workouts

Chewing Gum Hazard thanks to Wally Zatylny

Hemorrhoid Helper Class - Rectum? Darned near killed 'em!

QuotaBills
Attention to health is life's greatest hindrance. - Plato

A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running. - Groucho Marx

Always chase your dreams instead of running from your fears. - Unknown

What is the use of running when we are not on the right road? - German Proverb

If you ignore your health for long enough, it'll go away. - Unknown

Maybe I oughta get one of them priests in to exercise with her. - Archie Bunker

If at first you don't succeed, you're running about average. - Unknown

Whenever I feel the need to exercise, I lie down until it goes away. - Paul Terry

I get my exercise running to the funerals of my friends who exercise. - Barry Gray

Running is an unnatural act, except from enemies and to the bathroom. - Unknown

The race is not always to the swift, but to those who keep on running. - Unknown

After exercising I always eat pizza... just kidding. I don't exercise. - Unknown

After I make a lot of money, I'll be able to afford running for office. - Christy Romano

Health is like money - we never have a true idea of its value until we lose it. - Josh Billings

The bird, the bee, the running child are all the same to the sliding glass door. - Demetri Martin

Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing. - Redd Foxx

There is no exercise better for the heart than reaching down and lifting people up. - Unknown

I recently became a Christian Scientist. It was the only health plan I could afford. - Betsy Salkind

Why are hemorrhoids called "hemorrhoids" instead of "assteroids"? - George Carlin

I have to exercise early in the morning before my brain figures out what I'm doing. - Marsha Doble

We waste a lot of time running after people we could have caught by just standing still. - Mignon McLaughlin

I exercise extreme self control. I never drink anything stronger than gin before breakfast. - WC Fields

All men should strive to learn before they die, what they are running from, and to, and why. - James Thurber

Look within. Within is the fountain of good, and it will ever bubble up if thou wilt ever dig. - Marcus Aurelius

What can be added to the happiness of man who is in health, out of debt, and has a clear conscience? - Adam Smith

I love running. I’m not into marathons, but I am into avoiding problems at an accelerated rate. - Jarod Kintz

Gratitude is a twofold love - love coming to visit us, and love running out to greet a welcome guest. - Henry Van Dyke

A life coach does for the rest of your life what a personal trainer does for your health and fitness. - Elaine MacDonald

It's useless to hold a person to anything he says when he's in love, drunk or running for office. - Shirley Maclaine

Television remote controls encourage couch potatoes to exercise their options while broadening their base. - William Arthur Ward

I don't know what that gas is made of, but it can't smell any worse than Ernie Johnson 's gym bag. - Charles Barkley

When wealth is lost, nothing is lost. When health is lost, something is lost. When character is lost, all is lost. - Rev. Billy Graham

Fantasy is an exercise bicycle for the mind. It might not take you anywhere, but it tones up the muscles that can. - Terry Pratchett

Sea spaghetti looks like dark fettuccine and has a similar texture - you can get it in health food stores or online. - Yotam Ottolenghi

Being President is a lot like running a cemetery. You've got a lot of people under you and nobody's listening. - Bill Clinton

Tarry a moment to watch the chaos of a playground, crayola-colored shirts of running children, all trying out their wings. - Dr. SunWolf

"Exercise" is such a dirty word in my household that whenever I even think of it, I wash my mouth out with chocolate. - Leonore Fleischer

You end up as you deserve. In old age you must put up with the face, the friends, the health, and the children you have earned. - Fay Weldon

I worked in a health food store once. A guy came in and asked me, "If I melt dry ice, can I take a bath without getting wet?" - Steven Wright

I've got this thing for spicy stuff. Now, if you give me hot chocolate with chili pepper, a book and a bubble bath, I'm a happy girl. - Shiloh Walker


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