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Chewing Gum Hazard

Government Health Warning - beware of 'Hemorrhoid Helper' workouts

Chewing Gum Hazard thanks to Wally Zatylny

Hemorrhoid Helper Class - Rectum? Darned near killed 'em!

QuotaBills
Health food makes me sick. - Calvin Trillin

My idea of exercise is a good brisk sit. - Phyllis Diller

I'm so unfamiliar with the gym I call it James. - Chi McBride

I am pushing sixty. That is enough exercise for me. - Mark Twain

Attention to health is life's greatest hindrance. - Plato

Health insurance should be a given for every citizen. - Jesse Ventura

A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running. - Groucho Marx

Happiness is nothing more than good health and a bad memory. - Albert Schweitzer

Our health is a voyage and every illness is an adventure story. - Margiad Evans

Where there is laughter there is always more health than sickness. - Phyllis Bottome

Sleep, riches, and health to be truly enjoyed must be interrupted. - Johann Paul Friedrich Richter

Motivation is the fuel, necessary to keep the human engine running. - Zig Ziglar

There is no curing a sick man who believes himself to be in health. - Henri Amiel

Whenever I feel the need to exercise, I lie down until it goes away. - Paul Terry

The race is not always to the swift, but to those who keep on running. - Unknown

He really is terribly heavy going. Like running up hill in roller skates. - Alan Ayckbourn

After exercising I always eat pizza... just kidding. I don't exercise. - Unknown

Exercise is king, nutrition is queen. Put them together and you have a kingdom. - Jack LaLanne

I was in the ROTC. Of course, ROTC stood for "Running off to Canada." - Jay Leno

The bird, the bee, the running child are all the same to the sliding glass door. - Demetri Martin

Google+ is the gym of social networking: we all join, but nobody actually uses it. - Unknown

There is no exercise better for the heart than reaching down and lifting people up. - Unknown

People don't trust private health insurance companies for all the right reasons. - Bernie Sanders

Why are hemorrhoids called "hemorrhoids" instead of "assteroids"? - George Carlin

The reason I'm running for President is because I can't be Bruce Springsteen. - Barack Obama

If you fall out of that window and break both your legs, don't come running to me. - Groucho Marx

I have to exercise early in the morning before my brain figures out what I'm doing. - Marsha Doble

We don't come to Canada for our health. We can think of other ways of enjoying ourselves. - Prince Philip

You haven't had enough coffee until you can thread a sewing machine while it's running. - Unknown

The test and the use of man's education is that he finds pleasure in the exercise of his mind. - Jacques Martin Barzun

What can be added to the happiness of man who is in health, out of debt, and has a clear conscience? - Adam Smith

Gratitude is a twofold love - love coming to visit us, and love running out to greet a welcome guest. - Henry Van Dyke

Give a man health and a course to steer, and he'll never stop to trouble about whether he's happy or not. - George Bernard Shaw

Being President is a lot like running a cemetery. You've got a lot of people under you and nobody's listening. - Bill Clinton

My doctor recently told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I feel ten years older already. - Milton Berle

Tarry a moment to watch the chaos of a playground, crayola-colored shirts of running children, all trying out their wings. - Dr. SunWolf

"Exercise" is such a dirty word in my household that whenever I even think of it, I wash my mouth out with chocolate. - Leonore Fleischer

Running! If there's any activity happier, more exhilarating, more nourishing to the imagination, I can't imagine what it might be. - Joyce Carol Oates

I've got this thing for spicy stuff. Now, if you give me hot chocolate with chili pepper, a book and a bubble bath, I'm a happy girl. - Shiloh Walker

Laughter is a form of internal jogging. It moves your internal organs around. It enhances respiration. It is an igniter of great expectation. - Norman Cousins


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