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A Mother's Day Special

Don't ignore your gut feelings!

A Mother's Day Special thanks to Kyle Ziegler

QuotaBills
Necessity is the mother of attraction. - Luke McKissack

Television! Teacher, mother, secret lover! - Homer Simpson

Who has a bad wife, his hell begins on earth. - Dutch Proverb

Home cooking. Where many a man thinks his wife is. - Jimmy Durante

Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same. - Oscar Wilde

Food, love, mother and career: the four basic guilt groups. - Cathy Guisewite

Behind every successful man stands a surprised mother-in-law. - Hubert Humphrey

A husband's conjungal and a wife's convivial obligation - Archie Bunker

My wife is a sex object. Every time I ask for sex, she objects. - Les Dawson

A man's mother is his misfortune, but his wife is his fault. - Walter Begehot

I've never struck a woman in my life, not even my own mother. - WC Fields

Cooking certain dishes, like roast pork, reminds me of my mother. - Maya Angelou

Adam was the luckiest man in the world - he had no mother-in-law. - Sholom Aleichem

Behind every successful man is a woman.
Behind her is his wife. - Groucho Marx

If a deaf person swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap? - George Carlin

My wife likes the hockey smell because it's the smell of a warrior. - David Walton

The more I go through parenting, the more I say I owe my mother an apology. - Ray Romano

The only mothers it is safe to forget on Mother's Day are the good ones. - Mignon McLaughlin

There was never a child so lovely but his mother was glad to get him to sleep. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her. - Sacha Guitry

My mom used to say that Greek Easter was later because then you get stuff cheaper. - Amy Sedaris

Enthusiasm is the mother of effort, and without it nothing great was ever achieved. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

My wife likes to talk on the phone during sex. She called me from Chicago last night. - Rodney Dangerfield

My mother is Irish, my father is black and Venezuelan, and me - I'm tan, I guess. - Mariah Carey

My wife and I have a tradition of popcorn and videos with our kids on Friday evenings. - Ozwald Boateng

One of the most important things a father can do for his children is to love their mother. - Ray Chenoweth

Basically my wife was immature. I'd be in my bath, and she'd come in and sink my boats. - Woody Allen

A psychiatrist is a fellow who asks you a lot of expensive questions your wife asks for nothing. - Joey Adams

I married your mother because I wanted children.
Imagine my disappointment when you came along. - Groucho Marx

It is not until you become a mother that your judgment slowly turns to compassion and understanding. - Erma Bombeck

I wanted to do something nice so I bought my mother-in-law a chair. Now they won't let me plug it in. - Henny Youngman

I love those hockey moms. You know what they say the difference between a hockey mom and a pit bull is? Lipstick. - Sarah Palin

When I moved out of my mom's house at 18 I was almost as sad to leave her sewing machine behind as anything else. - Beth Ditto

In Hollywood, you play a mom, and the next thing you know, you're on The Golden Girls. They age you so fast. - Gabrielle Union

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man. - Lana Turner

One disadvantage of being a hog is that at any moment some blundering fool may try to make a silk purse out of your wife's ear. - J.B. Morton

Worrying is less work than doing something to fix the worry. Everybody wants to save the earth; nobody wants to help Mom with the dishes. - P.J. O'Rourke

Heard about the young deaf boy who used sign language?
One day he told his mother a dirty joke and she washed his hands out with soap. - Red Skelton

With my wife I don't get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to "the best woman a man ever had." The waiter joined me. - Rodney Dangerfield

Never play cards with a man called Doc, never eat at a place called Mom's, and never sleep with a woman whose troubles are worse than your own. - Nelson Algren


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