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A Mother's Day Special

Don't ignore your gut feelings!

A Mother's Day Special thanks to Kyle Ziegler

QuotaBills
Take my wife - please! - Henny Youngman

Necessity is the mother of taking chances. - Mark Twain

Television! Teacher, mother, secret lover! - Homer Simpson

An ounce of mother is worth a pound of clergy. - Spanish Proverb

No man should plant more garden than his wife can hoe. - Old Saying

You're not famous until my mother has heard of you. - Jay Leno

His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork. - Mae West

Ireland is a fruitful mother of genius, but a barren nurse. - Unknown

The secret to a happy marriage? Do what your wife tells you. - Denzel Washington

A man's home is his castle, and his wife is the janitor. - Lucille Kallen

She's descended from a long line her mother listened to. - Gypsy Rose Lee

A mother's arms are more comforting than anyone else's. - Princess Diana

Her mother was a cultivated woman - she was born in a greenhouse. - Spike Milligan

I unapologetically and unabashedly am deeply biased toward my mother. - Chelsea Clinton

My wife likes the hockey smell because it's the smell of a warrior. - David Walton

My religious background is that my mother is a Christian Dior Scientist. - Robin Williams

My wife tells me that if I ever decide to leave, she's coming with me. - Jon Bon Jovi

The man who says his wife can't take a joke, forgets that she took him. - Oscar Wilde

I just got back from a pleasure trip. I took my mother-in-law to the airport. - Henny Youngman

No man is truly married until he understands every word his wife is NOT saying. - Unknown

Oh, when I was a kid, I was ugly. When I was born, the doctor smacked my mother. - Rodney Dangerfield

When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her. - Sacha Guitry

A son is a son till he takes him a wife, a daughter is a daughter all of her life. - Unknown

On Valentine's Day, I wired flowers for my mother-in-law, but she found the fuse. - Milton Berle

I have often wanted to drown my troubles, but I can't get my wife to go swimming. - Jimmy Carter

I just wasn't cut out to be a Chinese Tiger Mom. I'm more of an Irish Setter Dad. - P.J. O'Rourke

Basically my wife was immature. I'd be in my bath, and she'd come in and sink my boats. - Woody Allen

My wife is such a bad cook, if we leave dental floss in the kitchen the roaches hang themselves. - Rodney Dangerfield

Said the daughter: "I don't have to help my Mom with the housework. She knows how." - Unknown

Don't forget Mother's Day. Or as they call it in Beverly Hills, Dad's Third Wife Day. - Jay Leno

Your mother has this crazy idea that gambling is wrong, even though they say it's okay in the Bible. - Homer Simpson

If I have done anything in life worth attention, I feel sure that I inherited the disposition from my mother. - Booker T. Washington

Drunk Man: "I can't bear fools."
Dorothy Parker: "Apparently your mother could." - Dorothy Parker

When I moved out of my mom's house at 18 I was almost as sad to leave her sewing machine behind as anything else. - Beth Ditto

I tell ya, my wife and I, we don't think alike. She donates money to the homeless, and I donate money to the topless. - Rodney Dangerfield

My wife and I tried two or three times in the last 40 years to have breakfast together, but it was so disagreeable we had to stop. - Winston Churchill

My mother was a reader, and she read to us. She read us Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde when I was six and my brother was eight. I never forgot it. - Stephen King

How shall a man escape from his ancestors, or draw off from his veins the black drop which he drew from his father’s or mother's life? - Ralph Waldo Emerson

My wife was a make-up artist, and she's a total product junkie. Our bathroom is packed full of lotions and potions so I end up trying them out. - Robert Carlyle

My mother had a slender, small body, but a large heart - a heart so large that everybody's joys found welcome in it, and hospitable accommodation. - Mark Twain


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