#1 humor site on the 'net

Poodle Security

Watchdog protection on a small budget

Poodle Security thanks to Roy Taylor

QuotaBills
A hard dog to keep on the porch. - Hillary Clinton

I am I because my little dog knows me. - Gertrude Stein

The view only changes for the lead dog. - Norman O. Brown

The best alarm clock is sunshine on chrome. - Unknown

Get the hanging dog expression off your face. - Archie Bunker

Our dog died from licking our wedding picture. - Phyllis Diller

If you want a friend in Washington, get a dog. - Harry S Truman

Don't think to hunt two hares with one dog. - Benjamin Franklin

I love a dog. He does nothing for political reasons. - Will Rogers

I spilled spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone. - Steven Wright

Feminism is a wonderful idea until the car goes wrong. - Nicola Zweig

My wife's such a bad cook, the dog begs for Alka-Seltzer. - Rodney Dangerfield

There is no security in this life. There is only opportunity. - Douglas MacAurthur

A hot dog at the ballpark is better than a steak at the Ritz. - Humphrey Bogart

Whenever I climb I am followed by a dog called "Ego". - Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche

I had to stop driving my car for a while - the tires got dizzy. - Steven Wright

When a man's best friend is his dog, that dog has a problem. - Edward Abbey

Only a biker knows why a dog sticks his head out of a car window. - Unknown

Anybody who doesn't know what soap tastes like never washed a dog. - Franklin P Jones

I look like a real bag lady when I go to Starbucks with my dog and get my chai. - Shirley MacLaine

When a man opens a car door for his wife, it's either a new car or a new wife. - Prince Philip

The dent in his car is hardly cold and he's coming over here to claim his pound of fish. - Archie Bunker

They say you only go around once, but with a muscle car you can go around two or three times. - Tim Allen

Yesterday I parked my car in a tow-away zone... when I came back the entire area was missing. - Steven Wright

The lead car is absolutely, truly unique, except for the one behind it which is exactly identical. - Murray Walker

Marriage has no guarantees. If that's what you're looking for, go live with a car battery. - Erma Bombeck

What a pity Hell's gates are not kept by O'Flynn
The surly old dog would let nobody in. - Patrick Ireland

I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights, so it looks like I'm the only one moving. - Steven Wright

I'm going to the backseat of my car with the woman I love, and I won't be back for ten minutes. - Homer Simpson

Already, companies that speak in the language of the pitch, the dog-and-pony show, are no longer speaking to anyone. - Unknown

I hooked up my accelerator pedal in my car to my brake lights. I hit the gas, people behind me stop, and I'm gone. - Steven Wright

I do get scared of the dentist, so a drive-through dentist might make me feel more at home. If I got to stay in my car. - Jessica Pare

We've begun to long for the pitter-patter of little feet, so we bought a dog. It's cheaper and you get more feet. - Rita Rudner

Anyone who thinks sitting in church can make you a Christian must also think that sitting in a garage can make you a car. - Garrison Keillor

I'm not just retiring from the company, I'm also retiring from my stress, my commute, my alarm clock, and my iron. - Hartman Jule

I'm not a car guy. The subway gets me where I need to go efficiently and cheaply, and I don't worry about traffic. - Joe Scarborough

When I die, I want to go peacefully like my grandfather did, in his sleep. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car. - Unknown

Tonight we'll be talking to a car designer who's crossed Toyota with Quasimodo and come up with the Hatchback of Notre Dame. - Ronnie Corbett

A man who has never gone to school may steal from a freight car; but if he has a university education, he may steal the whole railroad. - Theodore Roosevelt

Social Security's not the hard one to solve. Medicare, that is the gorilla in the room, and you've got to put all of it on the table. - Joe Biden


Bridge Uplift

Shark Steaks

Hippy Birthday

Heineken Meets Star Wars

Head Butt

Just Like Grandpa

High Heel Diver

Leading Edge Climber

Garden Gnome Soccer

Florence Time

Bird Trio

Chess Sudoku Puzzles C

I Want My Own Room

Fish Flops

Lip Gloss

Beer Pong

Canadian High Five

Kodak Moment

Third Fiddle

Clown Down

African Car Wash

Pointless

Hebrew Sudoku Puzzles A

Fowl Soccer Coach