#1 humor site on the 'net

Beltometer

Waist not, want not!

Beltometer thanks to Diane Baugh

Belt buckle for weight loss

QuotaBills
Health food makes me sick. - Calvin Trillin

Diets are mainly food for thought. - N Wylie Jones

Americans like fat books and thin women. - Russell Baker

We don't see many fat men walking on stilts. - Bud Miller

Eat, drink and be merry, for tomorrow you may diet. - Unknown

Health insurance should be a given for every citizen. - Jesse Ventura

Medicine sometimes snatches away health, sometimes gives it. - Ovid

Healthy citizens are the greatest asset any country can have. - Winston Churchill

Our health is a voyage and every illness is an adventure story. - Margiad Evans

Whatsoever was the father of a disease, an ill diet was the mother. - George Herbert

Being in a good frame of mind helps one keep in the picture of health. - Unknown

'Escargot' is French for 'fat crawling bag of phlegm'. - Dave Barry

People with healthy self-esteem do not need to create pretend identities. - Unknown

A mother is not a person to lean on, but a person to make leaning unnecessary. - Dorothy Fisher

Health is like money - we never have a true idea of its value until we lose it. - Josh Billings

You can't lose weight by talking about it. You have to keep your mouth shut. - Old Farmer's Almanac

I've exercised with women so thin that buzzards followed them to their cars. - Erma Bombeck

To live is like to love - all reason is against it, and all healthy instinct for it. - Samuel Butler

But we have to pass the [health care] bill so that you can find out what's in it. - Nancy Pelosi

The way to deal with the devil of obesity and diabetes is literally one day at a time. - Stephen Furst

I'm a black belt in karate. I grew up on the outskirts of Paris, and it was rough. - Elodie Yung

Our marriage vows: till death do us part, for better for worse, in secrets and in health. - Archie Bunker

Coaching doesn't make sick people well - it helps healthy people become extra-ordinary. - Thomas Leonard

Mental health problems do not affect three or four out of every five persons but one out of one. - William Menninger

I never worry about diets. The only carrots that interest me are the number you get in a diamond. - Mae West

I'm on a strict liquid diet: Mimosas for breakfast, Margaritas for lunch, Martinis for dinner. - Unknown

I figure if I have my health, can pay the rent and I have my friends, I call it "content." - Lauren Bacall

What can be added to the happiness of man who is in health, out of debt, and has a clear conscience? - Adam Smith

Baloney is the unvarnished lie laid on so thick you hate it. Blarney is flattery laid on so thin you love it. - Fulton J Sheen

Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar, and fat. - Alex Levine

Art is made to disturb. Science reassures. There is only one valuable thin in art: the thing you cannot explain. - Georges Braque

When wealth is lost, nothing is lost. When health is lost, something is lost. When character is lost, all is lost. - Rev. Billy Graham

Inside me there's a thin person struggling to get out, but I can usually sedate him with four or five cupcakes. - Bob Thaves

Sea spaghetti looks like dark fettuccine and has a similar texture - you can get it in health food stores or online. - Yotam Ottolenghi

I love lean meats like chicken, turkey. I'm obsessed with sushi and fish in general. I eat a lot of veggies and hummus. - Shawn Johnson

Health is the state about which medicine has nothing to say; sanctity is the state about which theology has nothing to say. - W H Auden

Nobody ever wrote down a plan to be broke, fat, lazy, or stupid. Those things are what happen when you don't have a plan. - Larry Winget

I cannot but bless the memory of Julius Caesar, for the great esteem he expressed for fat men; and his aversion to lean ones. - David Hume

You end up as you deserve. In old age you must put up with the face, the friends, the health, and the children you have earned. - Fay Weldon

Thank you... fat dude with giant headphones on the subway, for looking like what would've happened if Jabba the Hutt mated with Princess Leia. - Jimmy Fallon


Costco Wine

Downer Parking

Baconurkey

Camel Herders of the 21st Century

Redneck Palm Pilot

Turkey Day Selfie

Spool Turkey

Meal Alert

Turkey Not

Thanksgiving Harvest Time

Turkey Wants You To Eat Pork

Going Cold Turkey

Bacon Turkey

Run, Turkey, Run

Biggest Turkeys

Turkish Architecture

Ghost Food

Turkey Weather Forecast

'Twas The Night Before Thanksgiving

Redneck Car Upgrade

Box Fill Overload

Hiding Horse

Traffic Jam Intersection

Re-Cycled Beef