#1 humor site on the 'net

Ear Chip

Her hearing's a byte better these days

Ear Chip thanks to Idske Mulder, The Netherlands

Japanese Diamond Earrings

QuotaBills
Speak silver, reply gold. - Swahili Proverb

Big girls need big diamonds. - Elizabeth Taylor

The name Pavlov rings a bell. - Unknown

Every cloud has a silver lining. - Proverb

Every crowd has a silver lining. - P.T. Barnum

He buries gold who hides the truth. - Pythagoras

Wisdom is better than gold or silver. - German Proverb

I'm not going to get into the ring with Tolstoy. - Ernest Hemingway

Character is a diamond that scratches every other stone. - Cyrus A. Bartol

Diamonds are only lumps of coal that stuck to their jobs. - Malcolm Forbes

A diamond is the only kind of ice that keeps a girl warm. - Elizabeth Taylor

I have never hated a man enough to give his diamonds back. - Zsa Zsa Gabor

It is better to have old second-hand diamonds than none at all. - Mark Twain

I'd rather have roses on my table than diamonds on my neck. - Emma Goldman

The sage wears rough clothing and holds the jewel in his heart. - Lao-Tzu

As every thread of gold is valuable, so is every moment of time. - J. Mason

Every tooth in a man's head is more valuable than a diamond. - Miguel de Cervantes

I do not want horses or diamonds - I am happy in possessing you. - Clara Schumann

I like gold because it is a stabilizer; it is an insurance policy. - Kevin O'Leary

He can't help it - he was born with a silver foot in his mouth. - George HW Bush

A diamond with a flaw is better than a common stone that is perfect. - Chinese Proverb

Invest in the human soul. Who knows, it might be a diamond in the rough. - Mary McLeod Bethune

Contentment, like a flawless diamond, is a valuable and scarce commodity. - Dennis Rainey

Happiness resides not in possessions, and not in gold, happiness dwells in the soul. - Democritus

That's the great thing about a tractor. You can't really hear the phone ring. - Jeff Foxworthy

I don't work out. If God wanted us to bend over, he'd put diamonds on the floor. - Joan Rivers

Suddenly you're like a pirate, you're 65 years old and you've got an earring. - Fred Willard

Why do dogs always race to the door when the doorbell rings? It's hardly ever for them. - Harry Hill

Let the rain beat upon your head with silver liquid drops - let the rain sing you a lullaby. - Langston Hughes

The most precious jewels you'll ever have around your neck are the arms of your children. - Unknown

I never worry about diets. The only carrots that interest me are the number you get in a diamond. - Mae West

Gonna be incrimated... they're gonna keep the ashes around the house in one of them silver urinals. - Archie Bunker

Inside of a ring or out, ain't nothing wrong with going down. It's staying down that's wrong. - Muhammad Ali

The next woman who gets hold of me is gonna light up like a pinball machine and pay off in silver dollars. - Jack Nicholson

Poverty is an anomaly to rich people. It is very difficult to make out why people who want dinner do not ring the bell. - Walter Bagehot

My dream is for people around the world to look up and to see Canada like a little jewel sitting at the top of the continent. - Tommy Douglas

The diamond may adorn royalty, regardless of personal worth; but jewels of thought render even poverty illustrious and sublime. - Gems for the Fireside

I had very good dentures once. Some magnificent gold work. It's the only form of jewelry a man can wear that women fully appreciate. - Graham Greene

With so much to be aware of, awareness bracelets have reverted to signifying nothing more than color itself. Idealism has devolved into fashion. - Timothy Noah

I formed a new group called Alcoholics-Unanimous. If you don't feel like a drink, you ring another member and he comes over to persuade you. - Richard Harris


Greatest Daughter

Sourtoe Cocktail

Ogre Tree

Dog Pot Nap

Shame On All You Hunters

Names of the Colours

Waterfront Dining

Chinese Take Away

Revenge of the Stallion

Learning To 'Fly'

Legal Grounds

New Deer Rifle

Sushi To Go

Guess the Beer

Gut Check

World's First Computer

Bird Plane

At Home Grave

Stern Warning - a Not Yacht

No Shooting

Does Your Dog Look Unusual?

Golf Like I Do

Surreal Cubist

Transparent Touch Calculator