Looking Small

Think big thoughts but relish small pleasures. - H. Jackson Brown Jr.

Many people quit looking for work when they find a job. - Steven Wright

I'm always looking for meaningful one-night stands. - Dudley Moore

No act of kindness, no matter how small, is ever wasted. - Aesop

The secret to a happy marriage? Do what your wife tells you. - Denzel Washington

My wife made me join a bridge club. I jump off next Tuesday. - Rodney Dangerfield

A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong. - Rodney Dangerfield

This is one small step for a man, one giant leap for mankind. - Neil Armstrong

Illusion is the dust the devil throws in the eyes of the foolish. - Minna Antrim

In my house I'm the boss. My wife is just the decision maker. - Woody Allen

I'm having trouble managing the mansion. What I need is a wife. - Ella Grasso

Whenever you want to marry someone, go have lunch with his ex-wife. - Shelley Winters

My wife and I are getting remarried. Our divorce didn't work out. - Rodney Dangerfield

I met my wife on a ferry boat, and when we landed she gave me the slip. - Groucho Marx

I wouldn't be caught dead marrying a woman old enough to be my wife. - Tony Curtis

University politics are vicious precisely because the stakes are so small. - Henry Kissinger

No man is truly married until he understands every word his wife is NOT saying. - Unknown

An optimist is a fellow who believes a housefly is looking for a way to get out. - George Jean Nathan

Great minds discuss ideas. Average minds discuss events. Small minds discuss people. - Eleanor Roosevelt

The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place. - George Bernard Shaw

Let us now set forth one of the fundamental truths about marriage: the wife is in charge. - Bill Cosby

My uncle's dying wish was to have me sitting in his lap; he was in the electric chair. - Rodney Dangerfield

They went into my closets looking for skeletons, but thank God, all they found were shoes. - Imelda Marcos

I'm a very committed wife. I should be committed, too, for being married so many times. - Elizabeth Taylor

Valentine's Day - a nice holiday because it's the first day of the rest of your wife. - Milton Berle

During sex my wife always wants to talk to me. Just the other night she called me from a hotel. - Rodney Dangerfield

Ireland is a small but insuppressible island half an hour nearer the sunset than Great Britain. - Thomas Kettle

Yes, know thyself: in great concerns or small,
Be this thy care, for this, my friend, is all. - Juvenal

What if everything is an illusion and nothing exists? In that case, I definitely overpaid for my carpet. - Woody Allen

You can't deny laughter. When it comes, it plops down in your favorite chair and stays as long as it wants. - Stephen King

I gave my young nephew a book for Christmas. He's spent six months looking for where to put the batteries. - Milton Berle

A little House well fill'd, a little Field well till'd, and a little Wife well will'd, are great Riches. - Benjamin Franklin

A happy home is one in which each spouse grants the possibility that the other may be right, though neither believes it. - Don Fraser

I long to accomplish a great and noble task, but it is my chief duty to accomplish small tasks as if they were great and noble. - Helen Keller

Your marriage is in trouble if your wife says, 'You're only interested in one thing,' and you can't remember what it is. - Milton Berle

If one looks at the map of the world, it's difficult to find Iraq, and one would think it rather easy to subdue such a small country. - Vladimir Putin

Being with a woman all night never hurt no professional baseball player. It's staying up all night looking for a woman that does him in. - Casey Stengel

If you go out looking for friends, you're going to find they are very scarce. If you go out to be a friend, you'll find them everywhere. - Zig Ziglar

A three year old child is a being who gets almost as much fun out of a fifty-six dollar set of swings as it does out of finding a small green worm. - Bill Vaughan

When I hear of an 'equity' in a case like this, I am reminded of a blind man in a dark room - looking for a black cat - which isn't there. - Charles Bowen