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The secret to humor is surprise. - Aristotle

Illusion is the first of all pleasures. - Oscar Wilde

Time is an illusion. Lunchtime doubly so. - Douglas Adams

Expect nothing. Live frugally on surprise. - Alice Walker

Sometimes I drink water just to surprise my liver. - WC Fields

The greatest thing you can do is surprise yourself. - Steve Martin

e looks about as happy as a penguin in a microwave. - Sid Waddell

The backbone of surprise is fusing speed with secrecy. - Von Clausewitz

Losing an illusion makes you wiser than finding a truth. - Ludwig Borne

What a strange illusion to suppose that beauty is goodness. - Leo Tolstoy

Love is the child of illusion and the parent of disillusion. - Miguel de Unamuno

Kids are life's only guaranteed bona fide upside surprise. - Jack Nicholson

Illusion is the dust the devil throws in the eyes of the foolish. - Minna Antrim

Some of my best friends are illusions. Been sustaining me for years. - Sheila Ballantyne

It's practically impossible to look at a penguin and feel angry. - Joe Moore

I would love to voice an animated penguin or platypus at some point. - Jack Falahee

Our separation from each other is an optical illusion of consciousness. - Albert Einstein

A man loses his illusions first, his teeth second, and his follies last. - Helen Rowland

Normal is an illusion. What is normal for the spider is chaos for the fly. - Morticia Addams

Like the cosmetics industry, the securities business is engaged in selling illusion. - Paul Samuelson

The greatest obstacle to discovery is not ignorance - it is the illusion of knowledge. - Daniel J. Boorstin

Free will is an illusion. People always choose the perceived path of greatest pleasure. - Scott Adams

Wishes and fears are illusions, Dil Bahadur, not realities. You must practice detachment. - Isabel Allende

It's great to be a blonde. With low expectations it's very easy to surprise people. - Pamela Anderson

We live in a fantasy world, a world of illusion. The great task in life is to find reality. - Irish Murdoch

The illusion that the times that were are better than those that are has probably pervaded all ages. - Horace Greeley

A laugh is a surprise. And all humor is physical. I was always athletic, so that came naturally to me. - Chevy Chase

That the Pearl Harbor attack should have succeeded in achieving surprise seems a blessing from heaven. - Hideki Tojo

What a surprise to find you could shift the contents of your head like rearranging furniture in a room. - Lisa Alther

Don't part with your illusions. When they are gone you may still exist but you have ceased to live. - Mark Twain

What if everything is an illusion and nothing exists? In that case, I definitely overpaid for my carpet. - Woody Allen

Never tell people how to do things. Tell them what to do and they will surprise you with their ingenuity. - George S Patton

Dreams or illusions, call them what you will, they lift us from the commonplace of life to better things. - Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

Attachment is the great fabricator of illusions; reality can be attained only by someone who is detached. - Simone Weil

No tears in the writer, no tears in the reader.
No surprise in the writer, no surprise in the reader. - Robert Frost

I walk like a duck: very straight up and down. Or like a penguin. It's a dead giveaway that I'm a dancer. - David Hallberg

I'm into all that sappy stuff - a surprise picnic, nice dinner, or traveling. I'm kind of an old romantic. - Will Estes

I felt I'd earned the Good Housekeeping Seal when I designed an oval-shaped spaghetti pot, because spaghetti is long. - Rachael Ray

We would rather be ruined than changed. We would rather die in our dread than climb the cross of the moment and let our illusions die. - W H Auden

What's the two things they tell you are healthiest to eat? Chicken and fish. You know what you should do? Combine them, eat a penguin. - Dave Attell


2019 Hooters Owl & Birds of Prey Calendars (3)

THIRTEEN

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