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Whose Problem

Who are you going to call - a plumber or electrician?

Whose Problem thanks to Wayne Nowazek

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An old man in a house is a good sign. - Benjamin Franklin

Oscar night at my house is called Passover. - Bob Hope

A road to a friend's house is never long. - Danish Proverb

With great power comes great electricity bill. - Unknown

At my house, Dust is a noun, not a verb. - Unknown

There are no elevators in the house of success. - H.H. Vreeland

Never invest emergency savings in the stock market. - Suze Orman

He that troubleth his own house shall inherit the wind. - The Bible

He taught me housekeeping; when I divorce I keep the house. - Zsa Zsa Gabor

I can't clean house and save the world at the same time. - Unknown

Not only is there no God, but try finding a plumber on Sunday. - Woody Allen

A house with old furniture has no need of ghosts to be haunted. - Hope Mirrlees

The shortest distance between two points is usually under repair. - Unknown

At worst, a house unkept cannot be so distressing as a life unlived. - Rose Macaulay

Don't talk about a rope in the house of someone whose father was hung. - Colin Farrell

When the snake is in the house, one need not discuss the matter at length. - African Saying

There is nothing so strong or safe in an emergency of life as the simple truth. - Charles Dickens

My friend Sam has one leg. I went to his house. I couldn't go up the stairs. - Steven Wright

The practice of medicine is a thinker's job, the practice of surgery a plumber's. - Martin H. Fischer

If you want to see me, come over anytime. If you want to see my house, make an appointment. - Unknown

People say satire is dead. It's not dead; it's alive and living in the White House. - Robin Williams

It's easier to build up a child than it is to repair an adult. Choose your words wisely. - Unknown

Maybe I'd like to run around the house in my drawers, and with her here, I felt inhabited. - Archie Bunker

I stayed up all night playing poker with tarot cards. I got a full house and four people died. - Steven Wright

If you're not paying for it through the health plan, you pay for it in the emergency room. - David Lehman

I want a house with a garden, but slap bang in the centre of London. Next door to a sushi bar. - Michelle Dockery

My mechanic told me, "I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder." - Steven Wright

Ah, the patter of little feet around the house. There's nothing like having a midget for a butler. - WC Fields

Fang can't stand to see trash & garbage lying around the house. He can't stand the competition. - Phyllis Diller

Enthusiasm is the electricity of life. How do you get it? You act enthusiastic until you make it a habit. - Gordon Parks

I have left orders to be awakened at any time in case of national emergency, even if I'm in a cabinet meeting. - Ronald Reagan

Having children is like living in a frat house - nobody sleeps, everything's broken and there's a lot of throwing up. - Ray Romano

My friend Sally is a nudist. I went to her house. The closets have no doors. The walls are covered with see-through wallpaper. - Steven Wright

One need not be a chamber to be haunted;
One need not be a house;
The brain has corridors surpassing
Material place. - Emily Dickinson

I was born by Caesarian section... but not so you'd notice. It's just that when I leave a house, I go out through the window. - Steven Wright

If your house is really a mess and a stranger comes to the door, greet him with, "Who could have done this? We have no enemies." - Phyllis Diller

At fifty, the madwoman in the attic breaks loose, stomps down the stairs, and sets fire to the house. She won't be imprisoned anymore. - Erica Jong

The best way to meet a woman is in an emergency situation - if you're in a shipwreck, or you find yourself behind enemy lines, or in a flood. - Mark Helprin

I went to the hardware store and bought some used paint. It was in the shape of a house. I also bought some batteries, but they weren't included. - Steven Wright

This is a honeydew day. That is when you get a day off and the wife says, "Honey, do this," and "Honey, do that" around the house. - Jim Lemon


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