#1 humor site on the 'net

Baby Scan

New security concerns for small items at S’Canada customs

Baby Scan thanks to Idske Mulder, The Netherlands

QuotaBills
Burn rubber, not your soul, baby. - Craig Fernandez

A bambiraptor is a savage baby dear. - Alan Davies

A baby is an inestimable blessing and a bother. - Mark Twain

Ever notice how baby shampoo smells like spring? - Toni Sorenson

Every baby born into the world is a finer one than the last. - Charles Dickens

There is no security in this life. There is only opportunity. - Douglas MacAurthur

A baby is born with a need to be loved - and never outgrows it. - Frank A. Clark

I'm a New Wave baby, so I got very stimulated by foreign film. - Jack Nicholson

Having a baby is like trying to push a grand piano through a transom. - Alice Roosevelt Longworth

The big lesson in life, baby, is never be scared of anyone or anything. - Frank Sinatra

Baby: a loud noise at one end and no sense of responsibility at the other. - Ronald Knox

The conventional view serves to protect us from the painful job of thinking. - John Kenneth Galbraith

I just got back from a pleasure trip. I took my mother-in-law to the airport. - Henny Youngman

The only time a woman really succeeds in changing a man is when he's a baby. - Natalie Wood

If God had intended us to fly he would have made it easier to get to the airport. - Jonathan Winters

A memorandum isn't written to inform the receiver, but to protect the writer. - Dean Acheson

Having a baby is like falling in love again, both with your husband and your child. - Tina Brown

The only time a woman wishes she were a year older is when she is expecting a baby. - Mary Marsh

An ugly baby is a very nasty object, and the prettiest is frightful when undressed. - Queen Victoria

It is true greatness to have in one the frailty of a man and the security of a god. - Lucius Annaeus Seneca

Age does not protect you from love. But love, to some extent, protects you from age. - Unknown

The firsts go away - first love, first baby, first kiss. You have to create new ones. - Sarah Jessica Parker

A man's own good breeding is the best security against other people's ill manners. - Lord Chesterfield

I used to think that one of the great signs of security was the ability to just walk away. - Jack Nicholson

I do not think there is any silver bullet to solving the technology side of the security equation. - John W. Thompson

When I go home, I play with my baby dolls and strollers and diaper bags, and play with my sisters. - Dakota Fanning

I'm beginning to have morning sickness. I'm not having a baby, I'm just sick of morning. - Phyllis Diller

I was such an ugly baby. My mother never breast fed me. She told me that she only liked me as a friend. - Rodney Dangerfield

You know what it's like having five kids? Imagine you're drowning. And someone hands you a baby. - Jim Gaffigan

The baby bat
Screamed out in fright,
'Turn on the dark,
I'm afraid of the light.' - Shel Silverstein

I never used to like babies. I'd always thought if a baby were more like a chimpanzee, I'd have one. - Candice Bergen

My parents have been visiting me for a few days. I just dropped them off at the airport. They leave tomorrow. - Margaret Smith

Too many people are thinking of security instead of opportunity. They seem to be more afraid of life than death. - James F. Bymes

The only security men can have for their political liberty, consists in keeping their money in their own pockets. - Lysander Spooner

Airport screeners are now scanning holiday fruitcakes. Not even the scanners can tell what those little red things are. - David Letterman

Sensitive love letters are my specialty: "Dear Baby, Welcome to Dumpsville. Population: You. P.S. I'm gay." - Homer Simpson

Enthusiasm is the best protection in any situation. Wholeheartedness is contagious. Give yourself if you wish to get others. - David Seabury

No one ever wants to see his or her name linked to anything bad. Conscience is like a baby. It has to go to sleep before you can. - Harvey Mackay

Politics is the gentle art of getting votes from the poor and campaign funds from the rich, by promising to protect each from the other. - Oscar Ameringer

Social Security's not the hard one to solve. Medicare, that is the gorilla in the room, and you've got to put all of it on the table. - Joe Biden


Redneck Seafood Dinner

Emergency Bridge Repair Team

Balanced Meal

Canadian Car Crash

Florida Car Alarm

Dog Lookout

India Road Assistance

ZipHer

Samurai Sudoku Puzzles C

Lucky Calf

Moose Camouflage

Nail Polish Lookalilikes

Douglas Fir Log Home

Nutcracker Suite - Chinese Version

Clever Weather Billboard

Street Cheerleader

I'm So Old

Ear Chip

Big Basketball Fan

Dog Named Salesman

Mobile Phones

Making Music

Thumbs Up Strawberry

Jigsaw Sudoku Puzzles C