Marital Rating Chart - Wife

Marriage is the chief cause of divorce. - Groucho Marx

One does not marry art. One ravishes it. - Edgar Degas

To marry the Irish is to look for poverty. - J.P. Donleavy

Don't marry for money, you can borrow it cheaper. - Scottish Saying

Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows - marriage does. - Groucho Marx

Before you marry keep both eyes open; after marriage shut one. - Jamaican Proverb

The key to success? Work hard, stay focused and marry a Kennedy. - Arnold Schwarzenegger

I'll never forget my wedding day... they threw vitamin pills. - Groucho Marx

All men make mistakes, but married men find out about them sooner. - Red Skelton

He's the kind of man a woman would have to marry to get rid of. - Mae West

Whenever you want to marry someone, go have lunch with his ex-wife. - Shelley Winters

A man in love is incomplete until he is married. Then he is finished. - Zsa Zsa Gabor

One should always be in love. That is the reason one should never marry. - Oscar Wilde

If you have a boat and a happy marriage, you don't need another thing. - Ed McMahon

Marriage halves our griefs, doubles our joys, and quadruples our expenses. - G K Chesterton

College is a place to keep warm between high school and an early marriage. - George Gobel

I think gay marriage is something that should be between a man and a woman. - Arnold Schwarzenegger

Will you marry me? Do you have any money?
Answer the second question first. - Groucho Marx

A wedding is just like a funeral except that you get to smell your own flowers. - Grace Hansen

I don't follow trends. I make each cake for a particular wedding, or event. - Ron Ben-Israel

In marriage, being the right person is as important as finding the right person. - Wilbert Donald Gough

Sir, it is your duty to get married. You can't be always living for pleasure. - Oscar Wilde

A long marriage is two people trying to dance a duet and two solos at the same time. - Anne Taylor Fleming

Marriage is wonderful institution... if, of course, you like living in an institution. - Groucho Marx

I believe in tying the marriage knot, as long as it's around the woman's neck. - WC Fields

Let us now set forth one of the fundamental truths about marriage: the wife is in charge. - Bill Cosby

We seldom give each other advice - I think that's the success of 25 years of marriage. - Laura Bush

I've been married to a communist and a fascist, and neither would take out the garbage. - Zsa Zsa Gabor

I believe in the institution of marriage, and I intend to keep trying until I get it right. - Richard Pryor

I came from a big family. As a matter of fact, I never got to sleep alone until I was married. - Lewis Grizzard

Marriage has no guarantees. If that's what you're looking for, go live with a car battery. - Erma Bombeck

Rituals are important. Nowadays it's hip not to be married. I'm not interested in being hip. - John Lennon

Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman I don't like and just give her a house. - Rod Stewart

The most happy marriage I can picture or imagine to myself would be the union of a deaf man to a blind woman. - Samuel Taylor Coleridge

Marriage is like a beleaguered fortress: those who are outside want to get in, and those inside want to get out. - French Proverb

I've never been married, but I tell people I'm divorced so they won't think something is wrong with me. - Elayne Boosler

Why does a woman work ten years to change a man's habits and then complain that he's not the man she married? - Barbara Streisand

There is nothing in the world like the devotion of a married woman. It is a thing no married man knows anything about. - Oscar Wilde

Camping is not a date; it's an endurance test. If you can survive camping with someone, you should marry them on the way home. - Yvonne Prinz

I should have suspected my husband was lazy. On our wedding day, his mother told me: "I'm not losing a son; I'm gaining a couch." - Phyllis Diller