#1 humor site on the 'net

Marital Rating Chart - Wife

1939 marriage expectations - Calculate your wife's raw score

Marital Rating Chart - Wife thanks to Cherei McCarter

QuotaBills
Marriage is heaven and hell. - German Proverb

Marry in haste, repent at leisure. - English Proverb

A really good detective never gets married. - Raymond Chandler

Our dog died from licking our wedding picture. - Phyllis Diller

Love is blind, but marriage restores its sight. - Georg C. Lichtenberg

In married life, three is company and two none. - Oscar Wilde

Love is blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener. - Paula Deen

In married life three is company and two is none. - Oscar Wilde

Getting married is an incredible act of hopefulness. - Ashley Judd

There is nothing so difficult to marry as a large nose. - Oscar Wilde

The proper basis for marriage is mutual misunderstanding. - Oscar Wilde

Now a soft kiss; Aye, by that kiss, I vow an endless bliss. - John Keats

I want a girl just like the girl that married dear old Dad. - Oedipus Rex

I would rather be a beggar and single than a queen and married. - Queen Elizabeth I

All men make mistakes, but married men find out about them sooner. - Red Skelton

The general rule is that people who enjoy life also enjoy marriage. - Phyllis Battelle

He's the kind of man a woman would have to marry to get rid of. - Mae West

Whenever you want to marry someone, go have lunch with his ex-wife. - Shelley Winters

Marriage, like a submarine, is only safe if you get all the way inside. - Frank Pittman

Never marry anyone you could not sit next to during a three-day bus trip. - Roger Ebert

College is a place to keep warm between high school and an early marriage. - George Gobel

Will you marry me? Do you have any money?
Answer the second question first. - Groucho Marx

I wanted to study to be a dental hygienist, marry a rich dentist, and hang it up. - Vicki Lawrence

Sir, it is your duty to get married. You can't be always living for pleasure. - Oscar Wilde

A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person. - Mignon McLaughlin

Marriage is like putting your hand into a bag of snakes in the hope of pulling out an eel. - Leonardo da Vinci

If you meet someone who can cook and do housework, don't hesitate a minute - marry him! - Rita Rudner

I'm a very committed wife. I should be committed, too, for being married so many times. - Elizabeth Taylor

The trouble with some women is that they get all excited about nothing - and then marry him. - Cher

The key to a long and healthy marriage is that, honestly, there's nothing worth fighting about. - Jay Leno

I love being married. I was single for a long time, and I just got so sick of finishing my own sentences. - Brian Kiley

The most happy marriage I can picture or imagine to myself would be the union of a deaf man to a blind woman. - Samuel Taylor Coleridge

Always get married in the morning. That way if it doesn't work out, you haven't wasted the whole day. - Mickey Rooney

The Irish Catholic side was married to the life of an actor and I found out acting could be a form of prayer. - Liam Neeson

Marriage always demands the greatest understanding of the art of insincerity possible between two human beings. - Vicki Baum

Marriage is like a cage; one sees the birds outside desperate to get in, and those inside desperate to get out. - Ogden Nash

If the marriage needs help, the answer almost always is have more fun. Drop your list of grievances and go ride a roller coaster. - Garrison Keillor

Getting married is easy. Staying married is more difficult. Staying happily married for a lifetime should rank among the fine arts. - Roberta Flack

Marriage is an alliance entered into by a man who cannot sleep with the window shut, and a woman who cannot sleep with the window open. - George Bernard Shaw

Don't over-analyze your marriage; it's like yanking up a fragile indoor plant every 20 minutes to see how its roots are growing. - Ogden Nash


Which Way To Go?

Happy ARRRRRRRHH!

Underground Parking

TV Conference

Chair Master

Killing Bugs

Alligator Ice

Dog Walker

Shanghai's Fullen Restaurant

Watts Wrong?

Beach Farmer

Facebook Wedding

Redneck Stealth Bomber

Lunch Anyone?

Coupon for Free Ride

How To Make A Deer Stand

Weather Forecast Toaster

Top-Heavy Truck with Afro Haircut

Hubcap Shine

Wooden Owl

One Way Repairs

Polar Breath

Nice Try, China

Enough Art Supplies