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Moses As A Lifeguard

Parting the waters ahead of his time

Moses As A Lifeguard thanks to Mel Hardman

First came Homer Simpson off the high diving platform

Moses As A Lifeguard thanks to Mel Hardman

... and the next casualty was the Joe-kster

QuotaBills
My true religion is Kindness. - Dalai Lama

Religion is the opiate of the masses. - Karl Marx

Welcome the coming, speed the parting guest. - Homer

The atheist religion don't believe in the bible. - Archie Bunker

True religion is the life we lead, not the creed we profess. - Louis Nizer

The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard. - Steven Wright

For the man who prays in his heart, the whole world is a church. - Sylvain of Athos

Science is a differential equation. Religion is a boundary condition. - Alan Turing

There is only one religion, though there are a hundred versions of it. - George Bernard Shaw

I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult. - Rita Rudner

There is a world of practical religion in simply being considerate of others. - Roger Babson

Italy is the home of art and swindling; home of religion and moral rottenness. - Mark Twain

Parting is such sweet sorrow,
That I shall say good night till it be morrow. - William Shakespeare

There's no better book with which to defend the Bible than the Bible itself. - Dwight L. Moody

To be religious is to have a life that flows with the presence of the extraordinary. - Ann Belford Ulanov

The church is close, but the road is icey. The tavern is far, but I will walk carefully. - Russian Proverb

I definitely want my son Brooklyn christened, but I don't know into what religion yet. - David Beckham

I don't see anywhere in the Bible where it says you shouldn't get breast implants. - Carrie Prejean

When I go from hence, let this be my parting word, that what I have seen is unsurpassable. - Rabindranath Tagore

While waiting for a Moses to lead us into the promised land, we have forgotten how to walk. - Wendell Johnson

I am the indoctrinated child of two lapsed Irish Catholics. Which is to say: I am not religious. - Meghan O'Rourke

Men will wrangle for religion; write for it; fight for it; die for it; anything but live for it. - Charles Caleb Colton

He was of the faith chiefly in the sense that the church he currently did not attend was Catholic. - Kingsley Amis

If I were ever prosecuted for my religion, I truly hope there would be enough evidence to convict me. - John Wooden

Your mother has this crazy idea that gambling is wrong, even though they say it's okay in the Bible. - Homer Simpson

The task of organized religion is not to prove that God was in the 1st century, but that he is in the 20th. - S.H. Miller

Family, religion, friendship... these are the three demons you must slay if you wish to succeed in business. - Mr. Burns

The whole religious complexion of the modern world is due to the absence from Jerusalem of a lunatic asylum. - Havelock Ellis

An angel is a spiritual creature created by God without a body for the service of Christendom and the church. - Leo Rosten

"I am who I am", said God to Moses regarding His name, because none was worth to be compared to His godhead. - Toba Beta

It ain't those parts of the Bible that I can't understand that bother me, it is the parts that I do understand. - Mark Twain

I have wondered at times what the Ten Commandments would have looked like if Moses had run them through the US Congress. - Ronald Reagan

Anyone who thinks sitting in church can make you a Christian must also think that sitting in a garage can make you a car. - Garrison Keillor

Some movie stars wear their sunglasses even in Church. They're afraid God might recognize them and ask for autographs. - Fred Allen

I went to a Catholic boys' school for a year, but that was to play hockey. Religion class was quite contentious for me. - Keanu Reeves

He who begins with Metaphysics will not only become confused in matters of religion, but will fall into complete infidelity. - Maimonides

Englishmen learn Christ's law best in English. Moses heard God's law in his own tongue; so did Christ's apostles. - John Wycliffe

People are so shocked when they find... out I am Protestant. I am Presbyterian. And I go to church, and I love God, and I love my church. - Donald Trump

I ain't got no respect for no religion where the head guy claims he can't make no mistakes. Like he's, waddya call, inflammable. - Archie Bunker

No matter how bad things are, they can always be worse. So what if my stroke left me with a speech impediment? Moses had one, and he did all right. - Kirk Douglas


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