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Welfare Dogs

Does your dog have what it takes?

Welfare Dogs thanks to Roy Taylor

This morning I went to sign my dogs up for welfare. At first the lady said, 'Dogs are not eligible to draw welfare.' So I explained to her that my dogs are mixed in colour, unemployed, lazy, can't speak English and have no friggin' clue who their Daddy's are. They expect me to feed them, provide them with housing and medical care. So she looked in her policy book to see what it takes to qualify. My dogs get their first checks on Friday. Damn, this is a great country!

QuotaBills
The dog is the god of frolic. - Henry Ward Beecher

Dogs never bite me. Just humans. - Marilyn Monroe

Dogs have masters. Cats have staff. - Unknown

A dog has the soul of a philosopher. - Plato

I am I because my little dog knows me. - Gertrude Stein

The view only changes for the lead dog. - Norman O. Brown

Dogs that bark at a distance never bite. - Unknown

A dog in desperation will leap over a wall. - Unknown

You can't teach a young dog old tricks. - Warren Buffet

Man is not free unless government is limited. - Ronald Reagan

Get the hanging dog expression off your face. - Archie Bunker

Our dog died from licking our wedding picture. - Phyllis Diller

Throw physic to the dogs; I'll none of it. - William Shakespeare

Dogs got personality. Personality goes a long way. - Quentin Tarantino

Dogs can't operate an MRI machine but cats can. - Unknown

I spilled spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone. - Steven Wright

Government is an endless pursuit of new ways to tax. - Unknown

Most bad government results from too much government. - Thomas Jefferson

What this country needs are more unemployed politicians. - Edward Langley

A door is what a dog is perpetually on the wrong side of. - Ogden Nash

My wife's such a bad cook, the dog begs for Alka-Seltzer. - Rodney Dangerfield

A society of sheep must in time beget a government of wolves. - Bertrand de Jouvenel

I've been on so many blind dates, I should get a free dog. - Wendy Liebman

We have the best government in the world... that money can buy. - Mark Twain

World War II was the last government program that really worked. - George Will

If dogs could talk, it would take a lot of fun out of owning one. - Andrew A. Rooney

Only a biker knows why a dog sticks his head out of a car window. - Unknown

For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program. - Bob Wells

I have nothing against dogs. I just hate rugs that go squish-squish. - Phyllis Diller

I wish the government would put a tax on pianos for the incompetent. - Edith Sitwell

I had rather hear my dog bark at a crow, than a man swear he loves me. - William Shakespeare

Anybody who doesn't know what soap tastes like never washed a dog. - Franklin P Jones

Old age means realizing you will never own all the dogs you wanted to. - Joe Gores

To his dog, every man is Napoleon; hence the constant popularity of dogs. - Aldous Huxley

Be thankful we're not getting all the government we're paying for. - Will Rogers

Government of the people, by the people, and for the pursuit of happiness. - Archie Bunker

Dogs come when they're called; cats take a message and get back to you. - Mary Bly

Government can't give us anything without depriving us of something else. - Henry Hazlitt

To lodge all power in one party and keep it there is to insure bad government. - Mark Twain

A dog is the only thing on this earth that loves you more than he loves himself. - Josh Billings

A government which robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend on the support of Paul. - George Bernard Shaw

Disbelief in magic can force a poor soul into believing in government and business. - Tom Robbins

Of all the tasks of government, the most basic is to protect its citizens from violence. - John Foster Dulles

Don't accept your dog's admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful. - Ann Landers

Get a good idea and stay with it. Dog it, and work at it until it's done, and done right. - Walt Disney

I think it's an absolute disaster that Australia, the government, allowed kangaroo culling. - Steve Irwin

I have to tell them that last night was a shameful train wreck filled with blind cuddly puppies. - Charlie Sheen

A little government and a little luck are necessary in life, but only a fool trusts either of them. - P.J. O'Rourke

If you don't want your dog to have bad breath, do what I do: pour a little Lavoris in the toilet. - Jay Leno

Asking a working writer what he thinks about critics is like asking a lamppost how it feels about dogs. - Christopher Hampton

Ex-Presidents of the United States get state subsidies. Not so in Russia. You get no government support. - Mikhail Gorbachev

It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won't drink from my glass! - Rodney Dangerfield

There are two things in this world that don't last long: dogs chasing cars, and pros putting for pars. - Lee Travino

One of the key problems today is that politics is such a disgrace, good people don't go into government. - Donald Trump

When a dog bites a man, that is not news, because it happens so often. But if a man bites a dog, that is news. - John B. Bogart

Only government can take perfectly good paper, cover it with perfectly good ink and make the combination worthless. - Milton Friedman

The business of government is to keep the government out of business - that is, unless business needs government aid. - Will Rogers

We've begun to long for the pitter-patter of little feet, so we bought a dog. It's cheaper and you get more feet. - Rita Rudner

An actor is never so great as when he reminds you of an animal - falling like a cat, lying like a dog, moving like a fox. - Francois Truffaut

If the government was as afraid of disturbing the consumer as it is of disturbing business, this would be some democracy. - Kin Hubbard

The punishment which the wise suffer who refuse to take part in the government, is to live under the government of worse men. - Plato

The workers' and peasants' government proposes to all warring peoples... negotiations leading to a just, democratic peace. - Lenin

In general, the art of government consists of taking as much money as possible from one party of the citizens to give to the other. - Voltaire

I put contact lenses in my dog's eyes. They had little pictures of cats on them. Then I took one out and he ran around in circles. - Steven Wright

Dogs laugh, but the laugh with their tails. What puts man in a higher state of evolution is that he has got his laugh on the right end. - Max Eastman

When one may pay out over two million dollars to presidential and Congressional campaigns, the U.S. government is virtually up for sale. - John W. Gardner

If animals could speak, the dog would be a blundering outspoken fellow; but the cat would have the rare grace of never saying a word too much. - Mark Twain

Any man who thinks he can be happy and prosperous by letting the Government take care of him, better take a closer look at the American Indian. - Henry Ford

Ever occur to you why some of us can be this much concerned with animals suffering? Because government is not. Why not? Animals don't vote. - Paul Harvey

My life is the land, the dogs, the car, the motorcycle, the pond, the canoe, going to pick up mail. It's just a rural retreat that I enjoy. - Burt Shavitz


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