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Birth Control At Its Finest

Preventing back seat accidents

Birth Control At Its Finest thanks to Keith Blake

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Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman - Christopher Walken

Caring is the essence of nursing. - Jean Watson

Nurses are the hospitality of the hospital. - Carrie Latet

Panic plays no part in the training of a nurse. - Elizabeth Kenny

My doctor tells me I got a communications disease. - Archie Bunker

Raising kids is part joy and part guerrilla warfare. - Ed Asner

After two days in hospital I took a turn for the nurse. - WC Fields

The doctor is often more to be feared than the disease. - French Proverb

Man's main task in life is to give birth to himself. - Erich Fromm

My best birth control now is just to leave the lights on. - Joan Rivers

Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth. - Erma Bombeck

Kids are life's only guaranteed bona fide upside surprise. - Jack Nicholson

After your death, you will be what you were before your birth. - Arthur Schopenhauer

If pregnancy were a book, they would cut the last two chapters. - Nora Ephron

A smart mother makes often a better diagnosis than a poor doctor. - August Bier

My Birth Certificate is so old, it's written in Roman Numerals. - Bill Carter

The last mosquito that bit me had to check into the Betty Ford clinic. - Joanna Lumley

I quit therapy because my analyst was trying to help me behind my back. - Richard Lewis

The worst thing about medicine is that one kind makes another necessary. - Elbert Hubbard

A woman doctor is only good for women's problems - like your groinocology - Archie Bunker

All kids need is a little help, a little hope, and somebody who believes in them. - Earvin "Magic" Johnson

First the Doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me. - Steve Martin

No, Doctor, I don't want to grow young again. I just want to keep on growing old. - Madame de Rothschild

If we would listen to our kids, we'd discover that they are largely self-explanatory. - Robert Brault

I want to have a bunch of kids so I can open a factory and have free labor. Beat that, China! - Jarod Kintz

Medicine, the only profession that labours incessantly to destroy the reason for its own existence. - James Bryce

I do like to read in bed, but because I have two kids I'm often forced to read in the bathroom. - Eoin Colfer

The only equipment lack in the modern hospital? Somebody to meet you at the entrance with a handshake! - Martin H. Fischer

No matter how long we've been together Edith, you still, as the kids say, "turn me over." - Archie Bunker

There are some things in life where it's better to receive than to give, and massage is one of them. - Al Michaels

Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing is like shovelling the walk before it stops snowing. - Phyllis Diller

The Christian's Bible is a drug store. Its contents remain the same, but the medical practice changes. - Mark Twain

A certificate of live birth is not the same thing by any stretch of the imagination as a birth certificate. - Donald Trump

If my doctor told me I had only six minutes to live, I wouldn't brood, I'd just type a little faster. - Isaac Asimov

I told my doctor I get very tired when I go on a diet, so he gave me pep pills. Know what happened? I ate faster. - Joe E. Lewis

Despite all our toil and progress, the art of medicine still falls somewhere between trout casting and spook writing. - Ben Hecht

The doctor may also learn more about the illness from the way the patient tells the story than from the story itself. - James B. Herrick

There's no such thing as a soul. It's just something they made up to scare kids, like the bogeyman or Michael Jackson. - Bart Simpson

A man who cannot work without his hypodermic needle is a poor doctor. The amount of narcotic you use is inversely proportional to your skill. - Martin H. Fischer

Like all parents, my husband and I just do the best we can, and hold our breath and hope we've set aside enough money for our kids' therapy. - Michelle Pfeiffer


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