#1 humor site on the 'net

Birth Control At Its Finest

Preventing back seat accidents

Birth Control At Its Finest thanks to Keith Blake

QuotaBills
Birth patrol pills. - Archie Bunker

No doctor is better than three. - German Proverb

Panic plays no part in the training of a nurse. - Elizabeth Kenny

My doctor tells me I got a communications disease. - Archie Bunker

Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died. - Erma Bombeck

Raising kids is part joy and part guerrilla warfare. - Ed Asner

With kids, the days are long, but the years are short. - John Leguizamo

Man's main task in life is to give birth to himself. - Erich Fromm

My best birth control now is just to leave the lights on. - Joan Rivers

There is no cure for birth and death, save to enjoy the interval. - George Santayana

A very small degree of hope is sufficient to cause the birth of love. - Stendhal

Joy is more divine than sorrow, for joy is bread and sorrow is medicine. - Henry Ward Beecher

The last thing my kids ever did to earn money was lose their baby teeth. - Phyllis Diller

The worst thing about medicine is that one kind makes another necessary. - Elbert Hubbard

Financial ruin from medical bills is almost exclusively an American disease. - Roul Turley

Faith and knowledge lean largely upon each other in the practice of medicine. - Peter Mere Latham

Oh, when I was a kid, I was ugly. When I was born, the doctor smacked my mother. - Rodney Dangerfield

The best doctors in the world are Doctor Diet, Doctor Quiet, and Doctor Merryman. - Jonathan Swift

I got the bill for my surgery. Now I know what those doctors were wearing masks for. - James H. Boren

Poisons and medicine are oftentimes the same substance given with different intents. - Peter Mere Latham

First the Doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me. - Steve Martin

If it weren't for baseball, many kids wouldn't know what a millionaire looked like. - Phyllis Diller

I wondher why ye can always read a doctor's bill an' ye niver can read his purscription. - Finley Peter Dunne

It's not uncommon to see kids on the school bus reading books and doing homework on the bus. - Anthony Amero

You might be a nurse if you firmly believe that "too stupid to live" should be a diagnosis. - Unknown

The Christian's Bible is a drug store. Its contents remain the same, but the medical practice changes. - Mark Twain

Kindness and a generous spirit go a long way. And a sense of humor. It's like medicine - very healing. - Max Irons

If my doctor told me I had only six minutes to live, I wouldn't brood, I'd just type a little faster. - Isaac Asimov

Even if the doctor does not give you a year ... make one brave push and see what can be accomplished in a week. - Robert Louis Stevenson

In the sick room, ten cents' worth of human understanding equals ten dollars' worth of medical science. - Martin H. Fischer

Recommending gastric bypass as a national solution for our diabetes epidemic is bad medicine and bad economics. - Mark Hyman

The best doctor in the world is a veterinarian. He can't ask his patients what is the matter - he's got to know. - Will Rogers

The circumstances of one's birth are irrelevant. It is what you do with the gift of life that determines who you are. - Mewtwo

Health is the state about which medicine has nothing to say; sanctity is the state about which theology has nothing to say. - W H Auden

There's no such thing as a soul. It's just something they made up to scare kids, like the bogeyman or Michael Jackson. - Bart Simpson

Babies are bits of stardust, blown from the hand of God. Lucky the woman who knows the pangs of birth, for she has held a star. - Larry Barratto

I've got a great doctor. He gave a guy six months to live. They couldn't pay his bill so he gave him another six months. - Henny Youngman

Let no one suppose that the words doctor and patient can disguise from the parties the fact that they are employer and employee. - George Bernard Shaw

If you want your kids to listen to you, don't yell at them. Whisper. Make them lean in. My kids taught me that. I do it with adults now. - Mario Batali

Without this playing with fantasy no creative work has ever yet come to birth. The debt we owe to the play of the imagination is incalculable. - Carl Jung


Student Food Strainer

Shark Circles

Topographic Sink

Rock Watcher

We Call It Lake

Single Men For Long-Term Commitment

Sitting Just Off Center

Dentist Bowling

Maybe Shame Will Stop Her

Penalty Shot

Puppy Taco

On The Edge

Laptop Cooler

Bruce Lee Coffee

Stealth Cat

Fish Hawg

Bee Beard

Titanic Trailer

Porsche Bird Droppings

Foosball Maze

Brain Logic

Kickback - England

Preschool Parking

Look Daddy - Baby Kittens!