#1 humor site on the 'net

Cell Phone Warning

New police traffic initiative

Cell Phone Warning thanks to Keith Blake

QuotaBills
Make crime pay. Become a lawyer. - Will Rogers

Not failure, but low aim, is crime. - J. R. Lowell

All people look better under arrest. - John Waters

Crime does not pay as well as politics. - Alfred E. Newman

Behind every great fortune there is a crime. - Honore de Balzac

A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door. - Unknown

Obviously crime pays, or there'd be no crime. - G. Gordon Liddy

The police must obey the law while enforcing the law. - Earl Warren

All mothers have intuition. The great ones have radar. - Cathy Guisewite

I think crime pays. The hours are good, and you travel a lot. - Woody Allen

Rape is the only crime in which the victim becomes the accused. - Freda Adler

Growth for the sake of growth is the ideology of the cancer cell. - Edward Abbey

Youth is a wonderful thing. What a crime to waste it on children. - George Bernard Shaw

I don't own a camera, so I travel with a police sketch artist. - George Carlin

The best car safety device is a rear-view mirror with a cop in it. - Dudley Moore

My loathings are simple: stupidity, oppression, crime, cruelty, soft music. - Vladimir Nabokov

Outside of the killings, D.C. has one of the lowest crime rates in the country. - Marion Barry

I am kind of paranoid in reverse. I suspect people of plotting to make me happy. - J.D. Salinger

If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent? - George Carlin

Never think that war, no matter how necessary, nor how justified, is not a crime. - Ernest Hemingway

It's a proven fact that capital punishment is a well-known detergent to crime. - Archie Bunker

The only medicine for suffering, crime, and all the other woes of mankind, is wisdom. - Thomas Huxley

I took a physical for some life insurance. All they would give me was fire and theft. - Milton Berle

A gorilla with a cellphone riding a bicycle is bound to generate some clever captions. - Steve Breen

Blind commitment to a theory is not an intellectual virtue: it is an intellectual crime. - Imre Lakatos

I'm the only woman who can walk in Central Park at night... and reduce the crime rate. - Phyllis Diller

The old believe everything, the middle-aged suspect everything, the young know everything. - Oscar Wilde

An idea not coupled with action will never get any bigger than the brain cell it occupied. - Arnold H. Glasow

If crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters fight? - George Carlin

There's only two people in your life you should lie to... the police and your girlfriend. - Jack Nicholson

My physician has become warden of my medically imprisoned body, pharmaceuticals the bars on my cell. - Grey E. Livingston

Any living cell carries within it the experiences of a billion years of experimentation by its ancestors. - Max Delbrook

Women are like the police. They could have all the evidence in the world, but they still want the confession. - Chris Rock

In school, every period ends with a bell. Every sentence ends with a period. Every crime ends with a sentence. - Steven Wright

A benefit of any job is laughter. It should never be a crime to have fun on the job. It may be a crime not to. - Terry Paulson

The crime problem in New York is getting really serious. The other day the Statue of Liberty had both hands up. - Jay Leno

For all of the fights I have had in my life, both on and off the ice, I have only been in the back of a cop car once. - Tie Domi

When I was a kid, one cop could have taken care of the whole neighborhood. Now, one cop wouldn't be safe in the neighborhood. - Mike Royko

Carry your courage in an easily accessible place, the way you do your cellphone or your wallet. Courage is the ultimate career move. - Anna Quindlen

Homosexuality in Russia is a crime and the punishment is seven years in prison, locked up with the other men. There is a three year waiting list. - Yakov Smirnoff


Frozen Fish Meal

Stork Exhaust

I 'Saw' An Accident

Protractor Cook

Street Genius

Rebar Walker

No Worries

Road To Success

Politician Training

Math in Africa

Customers Wanted

Sock Storage

Hung Out To Dry

Need More Horsepower?

Japanese Diving Platform

Water Taxi

Wrench Family

How To Burn Fat

Ghetto Boat

Car Surgeon

Just Blew It

His Dent

Cheat of the Year

Divorce Defined