Fedorable Platypuses

The Child is father of the Man. - William Wordsworth

A child is a curly dimpled lunatic. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

My best birth control now is just to leave the lights on. - Joan Rivers

You take more pictures of your baby than NASA does of Mars. - Unknown

Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth. - Erma Bombeck

If pregnancy were a book, they would cut the last two chapters. - Nora Ephron

If you can give your child only one gift, let it be enthusiasm. - Bruce Barton

There is never a problem child; there is only a problem parent. - A.S. Neill

There is no cure for birth and death, save to enjoy the interval. - George Santayana

I'm contributing to the, waddya call, on the loosincy of a child. - Archie Bunker

A very small degree of hope is sufficient to cause the birth of love. - Stendhal

I love you like crazy, baby
'Cuz I'd go crazy without you. - Pixie Foudre

There's only one pretty child in the world, and every mother has it. - English Proverb

Baby: a loud noise at one end and no sense of responsibility at the other. - Ronald Knox

Nothing's as mean as giving a little child something useful for Christmas. - Kin Hubbard

As a child, my family's menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it. - Buddy Hackett

The bird, the bee, the running child are all the same to the sliding glass door. - Demetri Martin

Who is more foolish, the child afraid of the dark or the man afraid of the light? - Maurice Freehill

Aren't we forgetting the true meaning of Christmas? You know, the birth of Santa. - Bart Simpson

Anyone who thinks the art of conversation is dead ought to tell a child to go to bed. - Robert Gallagher

If newborn babies could speak they would be the most intelligent beings on planet earth. - Jaden Smith

What is so real as the cry of a child? A rabbit's cry may be wilder but it has no soul. - Sylvia Plath

Having a child is surely the most beautifully irrational act that two people in love can commit. - Bill Cosby

When I go home, I play with my baby dolls and strollers and diaper bags, and play with my sisters. - Dakota Fanning

When I was a little kid we had a sand box. It was a quicksand box. I was an only child... eventually. - Steven Wright

It is an act of love to say, "I believe in you as my child, and you don't need my help." - Peter Buffett

Every child should have an occasional pat on the back as long as it is applied low enough and hard enough. - Bishop Fulton J. Sheen

This country has come to feel the same when Congress is in session as when the baby gets hold of a hammer. - Will Rogers

Why is it that people rejoice at a birth and grieve at a funeral? It is because we are not the people involved. - Mark Twain

Play is a vital learning medium for a child. In a sense play is his work. And he discovers knowledge for himself. - Raymond Moore

The only way we can ever teach a child to say "I'm sorry" is for him to hear it from our lips first. - Kevin Leman

Somewhere on this globe, every ten seconds, there is a woman giving birth to a child. She must be found and stopped. - Sam Levenson

The vivacity of children is always charming, because it is always sincere. A grave child is a rose without fragrance. - Unknown

Children are smarter than any of us. Know how I know that? I don't know one child with a full time job and children. - Bill Hicks

Remember the days when you let your child have some chocolate if he finished his cereal? Now, chocolate is one of the cereals. - Robert Orben

I was not a child prodigy, because a child prodigy is a child who knows as much when it is a child as it does when it grows up. - Will Rogers

No one ever wants to see his or her name linked to anything bad. Conscience is like a baby. It has to go to sleep before you can. - Harvey Mackay

Religion is something left over from the infancy of our intelligence, it will fade away as we adopt reason and science as our guidelines. - Bertrand Russell

Without this playing with fantasy no creative work has ever yet come to birth. The debt we owe to the play of the imagination is incalculable. - Carl Jung

A three year old child is a being who gets almost as much fun out of a fifty-six dollar set of swings as it does out of finding a small green worm. - Bill Vaughan