#1 humor site on the 'net

Ford Door Lock

How to close car doors that don't want to close

Ford Door Lock thanks to Wayne Nowazek

Bubba's hatchback car security alarm

I'm a Ford Not - it's Mitsubishi licensed Dodge, model 1984-88

QuotaBills
Chop your own path. Get off the car track. - A.Y. Jackson

Feminism is a wonderful idea until the car goes wrong. - Nicola Zweig

Auto racing began 5 minutes after the second car was built. - Henry Ford

There is no security in this life. There is only opportunity. - Douglas MacAurthur

You should never have more children than you have car windows. - Erma Bombeck

I had to stop driving my car for a while - the tires got dizzy. - Steven Wright

That Gerald Ford. He can't fart and chew gum at the same time. - Lyndon B. Johnson

To attract men, I wear a perfume called "New Car Interior". - Rita Rudner

The last mosquito that bit me had to check into the Betty Ford clinic. - Joanna Lumley

A private railroad car is not an acquired taste. One takes to it immediately. - Eleanor R. Belmont

Jerry Ford is a nice guy, but he played too much football with his helmet off. - Lyndon Baines Johnson

He prefers the security of known misery to the misery of unfamiliar insecurity. - Sheldon B. Kopp

You know you're a redneck if your home has wheels and your car doesn't. - Jeff Foxworthy

Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them? - George Carlin

When I was younger I used to lock myself in the bathroom and read in the dry tub. - Karen Russell

You don't have to carry a designer bag that costs more than a car to look cool. - Kesha

It is true greatness to have in one the frailty of a man and the security of a god. - Lucius Annaeus Seneca

The lead car is absolutely unique, except for the one behind it which is identical. - Murray Walker

Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys. - P.J. O'Rourke

I used to think that one of the great signs of security was the ability to just walk away. - Jack Nicholson

The dent in his car is hardly cold and he's coming over here to claim his pound of fish. - Archie Bunker

Yesterday I parked my car in a tow-away zone... when I came back the entire area was missing. - Steven Wright

I do not think there is any silver bullet to solving the technology side of the security equation. - John W. Thompson

The lead car is absolutely, truly unique, except for the one behind it which is exactly identical. - Murray Walker

I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights, so it looks like I'm the only one moving. - Steven Wright

When Henry Ford made cheap, reliable cars people said, 'Nah, what's wrong with a horse?' - Elon Musk

I'm going to the backseat of my car with the woman I love, and I won't be back for ten minutes. - Homer Simpson

Too many people are thinking of security instead of opportunity. They seem to be more afraid of life than death. - James F. Bymes

Life's golden age is when the children are too old to need babysitters and too young to borrow the family car. - Unknown

I do get scared of the dentist, so a drive-through dentist might make me feel more at home. If I got to stay in my car. - Jessica Pare

Lock up your libraries if you like; but there is no gate, no lock, no bolt that you can set upon the freedom of my mind. - Virginia Woolf

My kids always perceived the bathroom as a place where you wait it out until all the groceries are unloaded from the car. - Erma Bombeck

My heart to you is given:
Oh, do give yours to me;
We'll lock them up together,
And throw away the key. - Frederick Saunders

Is fuel efficiency really what we need most desperately? I say what we really need is a car that can be shot when it breaks down. - George Carlin

When I die, I want to go peacefully like my grandfather did, in his sleep. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car. - Unknown

I have an answering machine in my car. It says, "I'm home now. But leave a message and I'll call when I'm out." - Steven Wright

A man who has never gone to school may steal from a freight car; but if he has a university education, he may steal the whole railroad. - Theodore Roosevelt

A car hits a Jewish man. The paramedic rushes over and says, "Are you comfortable?" The guy says, "I make a good living." - Henny Youngman

My life is the land, the dogs, the car, the motorcycle, the pond, the canoe, going to pick up mail. It's just a rural retreat that I enjoy. - Burt Shavitz

When I get real bored, I like to drive downtown and get a great parking spot, then sit in my car and count how many people ask me if I'm leaving. - Steven Wright


Pocket Bunny

Colour Car

The Resurrection

What's In Easter?

Texas Easter Bunny

Easter Elephant Eggs

Ancient Shiloh

Easter Egg Hunt

Chocolate Easter Bunnies

Did You Say Happy Easter?

Taking No Chance with the Mother-In-Law

Easter Yolks

Easter Cats

Egg Hatch Breakfast

Happy Keester

Happy Easter, Big Guy

Easter Egg Drop-outs

Spring Sock Clearance

Kiss-ter Eggs

Easter Tree

Easter Identity Theft

Easter Preparation Down Under

Manitoba Spring

Easter Canceled