#1 humor site on the 'net

Frozen Apple Blossoms

Growing winter fruit in the Moist West Territories

Frozen Apple Blossoms thanks to Wayne Nowazek

Frozen Apple Blossoms thanks to Wayne Nowazek

QuotaBills
I was so cold I almost got married. - Shelley Winters

Revenge is a dish best served cold. - Italian Proverb

Never underestimate the value of cold cash. - Gregory Nunn

If I melt dry ice, can I swim without getting wet? - Steven Wright

She tells enough white lies to ice a wedding cake. - Margot Asquith

In skating over thin ice our safety is in our speed. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Without ice cream there would be darkness and chaos. - Don Kardong

Some say the world will end in fire, some say in ice. - Robert Frost

What good is warmth without cold to give it sweetness? - John Steinbeck

A diamond is the only kind of ice that keeps a girl warm. - Elizabeth Taylor

I don't jog. It makes the ice jump right out of my glass. - David Lee Roth

I used to jog but the ice cubes kept falling out of my glass. - David Lee Roth

Ice Water? Get some Onions - that'll make your eyes water! - Groucho Marx

Millions saw the apple fall, but Newton was the one who asked why. - Bernard Baruch

If you're already walking on thin ice, you might as well dance. - Proverb

Sadness is more or less like a head cold - with patience, it passes. - Barbara Kingsolver

If it weren't for my adam's apple, I'd have no shape at all. - Phyllis Diller

I love Halloween: the cold air, the spooky dangers lurking around the corner. - Evan Peters

Whiskey is by far the most popular of all remedies that won't cure a cold. - Jerry Vale

When it gets hot like this, you know what I do? I keep my undies in the ice box. - Marilyn Monroe

If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe. - Carl Sagan

I came from Canada, where it's freezing cold for seven months out of the year. - Rachelle Lefevre

In Hollywood, the women are all peaches. It makes one long for an apple occasionally. - W Somerset Maugham

A cold wind was blowing from the north, and it made the trees rustle like living things. - George R.R. Martin

You call this a party? The beer is warm, the women cold and I'm hot under the collar. - Groucho Marx

The dent in his car is hardly cold and he's coming over here to claim his pound of fish. - Archie Bunker

Even if I knew that tomorrow the world would go to pieces, I would still plant my apple tree. - Martin Luther

It's a strange world of language in which skating on thin ice can get you into hot water. - Franklin P. Jones

I like ice hockey. No one is ever going to ask me to write about that as a metaphor for life. - Steven Pinker

A statistician can have his head in the oven and his feet in ice, and on average he feels fine. - Unknown

We all get the same amount of ice. The rich get it in the summer. The poor get it in the winter. - Bat Masterson

Every thought is a seed. If you plant crab apples, don't count on harvesting Golden Delicious. - Bill Meyer

I believe Ronald Reagan can make this country what it once was... a large Arctic region covered with ice. - Robin Williams

When I was in boy scouts, I slipped on the ice and hurt my ankle. A little old lady had to help me across the street. - Steven Wright

In any world menu, Canada must be considered the vichyssoise of nations - it's cold, half-French, and difficult to stir. - Stuart Keate

Everyone knows that ice cream is worth the trouble of being cold. Like all things virtuous, you have to suffer to gain the reward. - Brandon Sanderson

My advice to you is not to inquire why or whither, but just enjoy your ice cream while it's on your plate - that's my philosophy. - Thornton Wilder

I put my air conditioner in backwards. It got cold outside. The weatherman on TV was confused. "It was supposed to be hot today." - Steven Wright

Iron rusts from disuse; stagnant water loses its purity and in cold weather becomes frozen; even so does inaction sap the vigor of the mind. - Leonardo da Vinci

NBC News just called it "The Great Freeze" - coldest weather in years. Is our country still spending money on the global warming hoax? - Donald Trump


Hooking Penalty

Zebra Bus Stop

Best Friend Theft

Chewie, We're Home

Police Rides

Bird Smoker

Hot Mexican Deals

Coffin Escape

African Airlines

Who Let The Dogs Out?

Autographed Copy

Fresh Air Computing

Porpoise Pilots

Sorry Employees

Sidecar

Middle East Play House

Cadillac Clearance

Don't Believe Everything You Read

Bee Prepared

Stolen Car

Paper Face

End Of The Line

Glass World - Where Plumbers Buy

Sheep in Wool Clothing