#1 humor site on the 'net

Maybe Shame Will Stop Her

Obedience training starts in the pantry

Maybe Shame Will Stop Her thanks to Keith Blake

QuotaBills
Love me, love my dog. - English Proverb

France is a dog-hole. - William Shakespeare

Every dog has his day. - Unknown

Let sleeping dogs lie. - French Proverb

Let fightin' dogs lie - Archie Bunker

Sleeping dogs bark the loudest. - Archie Bunker

A hard dog to keep on the porch. - Hillary Clinton

Dogs have masters. Cats have staff. - Unknown

A dog has the soul of a philosopher. - Plato

How much is that doggie in the window? - Bob Merrill

I am I because my little dog knows me. - Gertrude Stein

The view only changes for the lead dog. - Norman O. Brown

Dogs that bark at a distance never bite. - Unknown

A dog in desperation will leap over a wall. - Unknown

The more I see of men, the more I like dogs. - Madame de Stael

He who lies down with dogs, rises with fleas. - English Proverb

If you want a friend in Washington, get a dog. - Harry S Truman

Panic plays no part in the training of a nurse. - Elizabeth Kenny

Don't think to hunt two hares with one dog. - Benjamin Franklin

Anybody who hates dogs and babies can't be all bad. - Leo Rosten

Anyone who hates children and dogs can't be all bad. - WC Fields

I've been on so many blind dates, I should get a free dog. - Wendy Liebman

When a man's best friend is his dog, that dog has a problem. - Edward Abbey

If dogs could talk, it would take a lot of fun out of owning one. - Andrew A. Rooney

Dogs are getting bigger, according to a leading dog manufacturer. - Leo Rosten

It's a terrible shame that politics has become show business. - Sydney Pollack

Only a biker knows why a dog sticks his head out of a car window. - Unknown

Creative minds have been known to survive any sort of bad training. - Anna Freud

I had rather hear my dog bark at a crow, than a man swear he loves me. - William Shakespeare

Old age means realizing you will never own all the dogs you wanted to. - Joe Gores

It was a great interview process. They were fighting like cats and dogs. - Donald Trump

There's no psychiatrist in the world like a puppy licking your face. - Bernard Williams

To his dog, every man is Napoleon; hence the constant popularity of dogs. - Aldous Huxley

I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult. - Rita Rudner

I look like a real bag lady when I go to Starbucks with my dog and get my chai. - Shirley MacLaine

The more I see of the representatives of the people, the more I admire my dogs. - Alphonse de Lamartine

A dog is the only thing on this earth that loves you more than he loves himself. - Josh Billings

Cats are smarter than dogs. You can't get eight cats to pull a sled through snow. - Jeff Valdez

I got a simple rule about everybody. If you don’t treat me right – shame on you. - Louis Armstrong

Strengthen the female mind by enlarging it, and there will be an end to blind obedience. - Mary Wollstonecraft

Don't accept your dog's admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful. - Ann Landers

It's not the size of the dog in the fight - it's the size of the fight in the dog. - Mark Twain

Justice is the insurance we have on our lives, and obedience is the premium we pay for it. - William Penn

Somewhere in the world someone is training when you are not. When you race him, he will win. - Tom Fleming

Get a good idea and stay with it. Dog it, and work at it until it's done, and done right. - Walt Disney

Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea. - Robert A. Heinlein

I have to tell them that last night was a shameful train wreck filled with blind cuddly puppies. - Charlie Sheen

Don't make the mistake of treating your dogs like humans, or they'll treat you like dogs. - Martha Scott

Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend.
Inside of a dog it's too dark to read. - Groucho Marx

What a pity Hell's gates are not kept by O'Flynn
The surly old dog would let nobody in. - Patrick Ireland

If you don't want your dog to have bad breath, do what I do: pour a little Lavoris in the toilet. - Jay Leno

Asking a working writer what he thinks about critics is like asking a lamppost how it feels about dogs. - Christopher Hampton

Obama and his attack dogs have nothing but hate and anger in their hearts and spew it whenever possible. - Donald Trump

For us in Russia, communism is a dead dog, while, for many people in the West, it is still a living lion. - Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn

It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won't drink from my glass! - Rodney Dangerfield

Did you ever walk into a room and forget why you walked in? I think that's how dogs spend their lives. - Sue Murphy

There are two things in this world that don't last long: dogs chasing cars, and pros putting for pars. - Lee Travino

When a dog bites a man, that is not news, because it happens so often. But if a man bites a dog, that is news. - John B. Bogart

Yoga is really trying to liberate us from shame about our bodies. To love your body is a very important thing. - Rodney Yee

If you get to thinkin' you're a person of some influence, try orderin' somebody else's dog around. - Unknown

An actor is never so great as when he reminds you of an animal - falling like a cat, lying like a dog, moving like a fox. - Francois Truffaut

We do not need to attend classroom training programs for everything. Observation opens the windows of knowledge around us. - Sukant Ratnakar

Once in seven years I burn all my sermons; for it is a shame if I cannot write better sermons now than I did seven years ago. - John Wesley

In my many years I have come to a conclusion that one useless man is a shame, two is a law firm, and three or more is a congress. - John Adams

My husband and I are either going to buy a dog or have a child. We can't decide whether to ruin our carpet or ruin our lives. - Rita Rudner

I put contact lenses in my dog's eyes. They had little pictures of cats on them. Then I took one out and he ran around in circles. - Steven Wright

There's only one thing worse than training your staff and having them leave, and that's not training them and having them stay. - Zig Ziglar

Dogs laugh, but the laugh with their tails. What puts man in a higher state of evolution is that he has got his laugh on the right end. - Max Eastman

Among God's creatures two, the dog and the guitar, have taken all the sizes and all the shapes, in order not to be separated from the man. - Andres Segovia

Dogs display reluctance and wrath
If you try to give them a bath;
They bury bones in hideaways
And half the time they trot sideaways. - Ogden Nash


Pole Clock

Donut Holes

Insect Food Fight

Living At C Level

Little Johnny Bath

Emergency Stops Only

Portable Balance Beam

Fried Eggs - Military Style

Motorvation

Teenage Mutant Ninja Hay Bail

Driving Rain

Eddie Reward

Got Them All

Owlvis Presley

Motorcycle Limo

Runaway Tree

Human Explosion

Air Force Pilots

See You Later

Lunch Admirers

Loo View

Cell Phone Booth

Topless Kate Middleton

Skype Hype