Paper Scissors Cop

Make crime pay. Become a lawyer. - Will Rogers

All people look better under arrest. - John Waters

Crime does not pay as well as politics. - Alfred E. Newman

Well, all I know is what I read in the papers. - Will Rogers

Obviously crime pays, or there'd be no crime. - G. Gordon Liddy

If they give you ruled paper, write the other way. - Juan Ramon Jimenez

The police must obey the law while enforcing the law. - Earl Warren

All mothers have intuition. The great ones have radar. - Cathy Guisewite

Stop crime at its source - support planned parenthood. - Robert Byrne

Endangered forests are being slaughtered for toilet paper. - Daphne Zuniga

What the world really needs is more love and less paper work. - Pearl Bailey

Youth is a wonderful thing. What a crime to waste it on children. - George Bernard Shaw

My stockbroker asked me something important today: paper or plastic? - Jay Leno

My loathings are simple: stupidity, oppression, crime, cruelty, soft music. - Vladimir Nabokov

I wanted a man who wouldn't stray so I'm dating a guy on house arrest. - Kim Bove

A blank piece of paper is God's way of telling us how hard it is to be God. - Sidney Sheldon

Outside of the killings, D.C. has one of the lowest crime rates in the country. - Marion Barry

I am kind of paranoid in reverse. I suspect people of plotting to make me happy. - J.D. Salinger

If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent? - George Carlin

It's a proven fact that capital punishment is a well-known detergent to crime. - Archie Bunker

The only medicine for suffering, crime, and all the other woes of mankind, is wisdom. - Thomas Huxley

I took a physical for some life insurance. All they would give me was fire and theft. - Milton Berle

My aim is to put down on paper what I see and what I feel in the best and simplest way. - Ernest Hemingway

France is a country where the money falls apart but you can't tear the toilet paper. - Billy Wilder

I'm the only woman who can walk in Central Park at night... and reduce the crime rate. - Phyllis Diller

The old believe everything, the middle-aged suspect everything, the young know everything. - Oscar Wilde

Mathematics is the cheapest science. All one needs for mathematics is a pencil and a paper. - George Polya

If crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters fight? - George Carlin

Mathematics is a game played according to certain simple rules with meaningless marks on paper. - David Hilbert

We don't seem to be able to check crime, so why not legalize it and then tax it out of business. - Will Rogers

Women are like the police. They could have all the evidence in the world, but they still want the confession. - Chris Rock

A benefit of any job is laughter. It should never be a crime to have fun on the job. It may be a crime not to. - Terry Paulson

The crime problem in New York is getting really serious. The other day the Statue of Liberty had both hands up. - Jay Leno

Writing is easy: All you do is sit staring at a blank piece of paper until drops of blood form on your forehead. - Gene Fowler

Only government can take perfectly good paper, cover it with perfectly good ink and make the combination worthless. - Milton Friedman

For all of the fights I have had in my life, both on and off the ice, I have only been in the back of a cop car once. - Tie Domi

I'd learned some things. I knew you weren't supposed to hold a good wine at the top - the paper bag falls off. - Pat Paulsen

When I was a kid, one cop could have taken care of the whole neighborhood. Now, one cop wouldn't be safe in the neighborhood. - Mike Royko

Homosexuality in Russia is a crime and the punishment is seven years in prison, locked up with the other men. There is a three year waiting list. - Yakov Smirnoff

I'm readin' in the paper where the CIA is dopin' people up. Maybe somebody injected some of that LSD in the lady's cottage cheese. - Archie Bunker