Racial Profiling Starts Early

Thank God kids never mean well. - Lily Tomlin

Inspiration and genius - one and the same. - Victor Hugo

Raising kids is part joy and part guerrilla warfare. - Ed Asner

The police must obey the law while enforcing the law. - Earl Warren

Kids don't remember their best day of television. - Unknown

When inspiration does not come to me, I go halfway to meet it. - Sigmund Freud

On Halloween, the parents sent their kids out looking like me. - Rodney Dangerfield

We've had bad luck with our kids - they've all grown up. - Christopher Morley

No one was ever great without some portion of divine inspiration. - Cicero

I don't own a camera, so I travel with a police sketch artist. - George Carlin

Raising kids make most people, including me, grow up at least a little. - Madonna

You can't wait for inspiration. You have to go after it with a club. - Jack London

Silence is golden unless you have kids. Then silence is just suspicious. - Unknown

Kids: they dance before they learn there is anything that isn't music. - William Stafford

Short of screaming-hot Thai food, everything can be suitable for kids too. - Guy Fieri

The hardest job kids face today is learning good manners without seeing any. - Fred Astaire

Oh my God! Space aliens! Don't eat me! I have a wife and kids. Eat them! - Homer Simpson

If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent? - George Carlin

Enthusiasm is excitement with inspiration, motivation, and a pinch of creativity. - Bo Bennett

My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor. - Phyllis Diller

My wife and I have a tradition of popcorn and videos with our kids on Friday evenings. - Ozwald Boateng

A rich person should leave his kids enough to do something, but not enough to do nothing. - Warren Buffet

The most beautiful thing in the world is, precisely, the conjunction of learning and inspiration. - Wanda Landowska

You know how kids dream of being soccer players or actors? Well, my dream was to be a sushi chef. - Nobu Matsuhisa

Success is the good fortune that comes from aspiration, desperation, perspiration and inspiration. - Evan Esar

I do like to read in bed, but because I have two kids I'm often forced to read in the bathroom. - Eoin Colfer

All kids are trouble, Edith. And I don't wanna spend my reclining years trying to raise another one. - Archie Bunker

Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing is like shovelling the walk before it stops snowing. - Phyllis Diller

One in four kids have either pre-diabetes or diabetes - what I like to call diabesity. How did this happen? - Mark Hyman

Women are like the police. They could have all the evidence in the world, but they still want the confession. - Chris Rock

Inspiration comes unawares, from unaccountable sources that have nothing to do with planning or intelligence. - Maurice Chevalier

I love to go to a movie, get a Diet Coke and a barrel of popcorn, and sit there with my kids and watch a film. - William Shatner

I want my kids to have the things in life that I never had when I was growing up. Things like beards and chest hair. - Jarod Kintz

My kids always perceived the bathroom as a place where you wait it out until all the groceries are unloaded from the car. - Erma Bombeck

You know your kids are growing up when they stop asking you where they came from and refuse to tell you where they're going. - P.J. O'Rourke

It is amazing how quickly the kids learn to drive a car, yet are unable to understand the lawn mower, snowblower and vacuum cleaner. - Ben Bergor

The more difficulties one has to encounter, within and without, the more significant and the higher in inspiration his life will be. - Horace Bushnell

If you want your kids to listen to you, don't yell at them. Whisper. Make them lean in. My kids taught me that. I do it with adults now. - Mario Batali

When I know that, if I have no inspiration whatsoever, when I come and I just feel empty, I have nothing, I know that I can still play the scene. - Christopher Walken

Like all parents, my husband and I just do the best we can, and hold our breath and hope we've set aside enough money for our kids' therapy. - Michelle Pfeiffer