#1 humor site on the 'net

Someone Stole A Cracker

Going crackers on the kitchen table

Someone Stole A Cracker thanks to Idske Mulder, The Netherlands

Who, me?

QuotaBills
Zombies hate fast food. - Unknown

Health food makes me sick. - Calvin Trillin

The early worm gets caught. - John Igo

Fine words do not produce food. - Nigeria Proverb

The French: Germans with good food. - Fran Lebowitz

When the cat dies, the mice rejoice. - African saying

It's okay to play with your food. - Emeril Lagasse

The most dangerous food is wedding cake. - American Saying

Getting caught is the mother of invention. - Robert Byrne

Golf, like measles, should be caught young. - P G Wodehouse

Queuing tips for fans: wrap up and bring food! - Niall Horan

There is no love sincerer than the love of food. - George Bernard Shaw

Thou shalt not steal - only from other comedians. - WC Fields

Housekeeping is like being caught in a revolving door. - Marcelene Cox

The mouse that fears the trap has already been trapped. - Marty Rubin

Education is hanging around until you've caught on. - Robert Frost

I just love Chinese food. My favorite dish is number 27. - Clement Attlee

I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known. - Walt Disney

Before eating, always take a little time to thank the food. - Arapaho Proverb

That picture with Lon Chaney - "Of Mouse And Men." - Archie Bunker

I got food poisoning today. I don't know when I'll use it. - Steven Wright

Everything I did in my life that was worthwhile, I caught hell for. - Earl Warren

The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese. - Steven Wright

Short of screaming-hot Thai food, everything can be suitable for kids too. - Guy Fieri

It doesn't matter if a cat is black or white, so long as it catches mice. - Deng Xiaoping

It is better to be a mouse in a cat's mouth than a man in a lawyer's hands. - Spanish Proverb

I took a physical for some life insurance. All they would give me was fire and theft. - Milton Berle

An Englishman teaching an American about food is like the blind leading the one-eyed. - A.J. Liebling

If more of us cared about food and home above gold, this world would be a merrier place. - Bilbo Baggins

Older people shouldn't eat health food, they need all the preservatives they can get. - Robert Orben

So long as you have food in your mouth, you have solved all questions for the time being. - Franz Kafka

I like spaghetti bolognese, I like baked beans on toast. I hate French food. I hate fancy food. - Simon Cowell

Chocolate symbolizes, as does no other food, luxury, comfort, sensuality, gratification, and love. - Karl Petzke

If fat people just gave skinny people more food, we could solve obesity and hunger at the same time. - Ashton Kutcher

Number theorists are like lotus-eaters – having once tasted of this food they can never give it up. - Leopold Kronecker

I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness. - Emo Philips

America is a country where half the money is spent buying food, and the other half is spent trying to lose weight. - Unknown

The disparity between a restaurant's price and food quality rises in direct proportion to the size of the pepper mill. - Bryan Miller

I like simple food, seasoned with just salt, pepper, oil and vinegar. Complicated food and complicated lives are never good. - Sirio Maccioni

I worked in a health food store once. A guy came in and asked me, "If I melt dry ice, can I take a bath without getting wet?" - Steven Wright


Which Way To Go?

Happy ARRRRRRRHH!

Underground Parking

TV Conference

Chair Master

Killing Bugs

Alligator Ice

Dog Walker

Shanghai's Fullen Restaurant

Watts Wrong?

Beach Farmer

Facebook Wedding

Redneck Stealth Bomber

Lunch Anyone?

Coupon for Free Ride

How To Make A Deer Stand

Weather Forecast Toaster

Top-Heavy Truck with Afro Haircut

Hubcap Shine

Wooden Owl

One Way Repairs

Polar Breath

Nice Try, China

Enough Art Supplies