#1 humor site on the 'net

Almost Floats On Water

Sinking feeling with your TV remote

Almost Floats On Water thanks to Barry McCartney

Maybe it would float on the Dead Sea

QuotaBills
Water rusts pipes. - WC Fields

If the phone doesn't ring it's me. - Jimmy Buffett

Friendship is a plant we must often water. - German Proverb

The water doesn't know how old you are. - Dara Torres

Water that does not move is always shallow. - Sami Proverb

I had to sink my yacht to make the guests go home. - F Scott Fitzgerald

Droughts are because god didn't pay his water bill. - Steven Wright

You can't cross the sea merely by staring at the water. - Rabindranath Tagore

Flattery is like cologne water, to be smelt, not swallowed. - Josh Billings

My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them. - Mitch Hedberg

You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink. - English Proverb

Well, if I called the wrong number, why did you answer the phone? - James Thurber

You can't trust water: Even a straight stick turns crooked in it. - WC Fields

I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it. - WC Fields

My wife's an earth sign. I'm a water sign. Together we make mud. - Henny Youngman

The most important thing in communication is hearing what isn't said. - Peter F Drucker

When in doubt as to the applicability of a disinfectant, use soap and water. - Martin H. Fischer

Don't throw away the old bucket until you know whether the new one holds water. - Swedish Proverb

That's the great thing about a tractor. You can't really hear the phone ring. - Jeff Foxworthy

When ya go out there in the water and ya start crossing your longirudes and lassitudes. - Archie Bunker

We should be as water, which is lower than all things yet stronger even than the rocks. - Sioux Proverb

Inaction will cause a man to sink into the slough of despond and vanish without a trace. - Farley Mowat

The miracle is not to fly in the air, or to walk on the water, but to walk on the earth. - Chinese Proverb

It's a strange world of language in which skating on thin ice can get you into hot water. - Franklin P. Jones

Most whale photos you see show whales in this beautiful blue water - it's almost like space. - Brian Skerry

Advice is like snow, the softer it falls the longer it dwells upon, and the deeper it sinks into the mind. - Samuel Taylor Coleridge

Like the old adverb, "you can lead a gift horse to the water but ya can't look in his mouth." - Archie Bunker

I keep looking for one more teacher, only to find that fish learn from the water and birds learn from the sky. - Mark Nepo

Be like a duck, paddling and working very hard inside the water, but what everyone sees is a smiling and calm face. - Manoj Arora

I love Canada. It makes a nice hat for America. When America runs out of water, it's the first place I'll go. - Ryan Reynolds

After all, when a stone is dropped into a pond, the water continues quivering even after the stone has sunk to the bottom. - Arthur Golden

How come if you mix flour and water together you get glue? And when you add eggs and sugar you get cake? Where does the glue go? - Rita Rudner

Menopause is thicker than water. When we talk and laugh about it, we learn and relax. It's a life transition, not a disease. - Unknown

Carry your courage in an easily accessible place, the way you do your cellphone or your wallet. Courage is the ultimate career move. - Anna Quindlen

Take a music bath once or twice a week for a few seasons, and you will find that it is to the soul what the water bath is to the body. - Oliver Wendell Holmes

A leader is not an administrator who loves to run others, but someone who carries water for his people, so that they can get on with their jobs. - Robert Townsend

Thirteen roadways lead through life
To thirteen doors of death,
Homeward from foolish fears and strife
We float on failing breath. - Tao

If one morning I walked on top of the water across the Potomac River, the headline that afternoon would read: "President Can't Swim." - Lyndon B. Johnson

Advice from a tree:
- Stand tall and proud
- Go out on a limb
- Remember your roots
- Drink plenty of water
- Enjoy the view - Unknown

This 'telephone' has too many shortcomings to be seriously considered as a means of communication. The device is inherently of no value to us. - Unknown


Welcome to our Ool

Super Size Mosquito

Perfectly In Tune With Nature

Crayola Keyboard

Turtle Leash

Beach Trick - Head's Up

Turbo Charged Computer

Redneck Neighborhood Watch

Time To Hang Up The Thong

Our Grate Lord

Vertical Roller Coaster Ride

Girl's Party

Sleep Driving

Portuguese Airport Runway

Nintendo Wedding Cake

Going Nowhere Mall

Skateboard Suit

Texas Truck

Tailgate Coyote

Montreal Canadian Fan

Canadian Man Cave

Puffin Walk

Wine Gum Lamp

Stepladder Bike