#1 humor site on the 'net

Car-nage

Some cars are not meant to be drop-kicked

Car-nage thanks to Wayne Nowazek

QuotaBills
Didn't he take the exercise tax off cars? - Archie Bunker

Feminism is a wonderful idea until the car goes wrong. - Nicola Zweig

Auto racing began 5 minutes after the second car was built. - Henry Ford

You should never have more children than you have car windows. - Erma Bombeck

Is it wrong to drop drunks off at houses that aren't theirs? - Unknown

Living with a conscience is like driving a car with the brakes on. - Budd Schulberg

To attract men, I wear a perfume called "New Car Interior". - Rita Rudner

You know you're a redneck if your home has wheels and your car doesn't. - Jeff Foxworthy

I spent a lot of my money on booze, birds and fast cars... the rest I squandered. - George Best

When a man opens a car door for his wife, it's either a new car or a new wife. - Prince Philip

You don't have to carry a designer bag that costs more than a car to look cool. - Kesha

The lead car is absolutely unique, except for the one behind it which is identical. - Murray Walker

Drive-in banks were established so most of the cars today could see their real owners. - E. Joseph Crossman

I don't consider myself a heavy drinker, I often go hours without touching a drop. - Noel Coward

The dent in his car is hardly cold and he's coming over here to claim his pound of fish. - Archie Bunker

They say you only go around once, but with a muscle car you can go around two or three times. - Tim Allen

Yesterday I parked my car in a tow-away zone... when I came back the entire area was missing. - Steven Wright

It's hard to do nothing because you tend to do something and then you have to drop everything. - Jerry Seinfeld

Marriage has no guarantees. If that's what you're looking for, go live with a car battery. - Erma Bombeck

Some old women and men grow bitter with age. The more their teeth drop out, the more biting they get. - George D. Prentice

I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights, so it looks like I'm the only one moving. - Steven Wright

Cigarette sales would drop to zero overnight if the warning said, "Cigarettes contain fat." - Dave Barry

When Henry Ford made cheap, reliable cars people said, 'Nah, what's wrong with a horse?' - Elon Musk

I'm going to the backseat of my car with the woman I love, and I won't be back for ten minutes. - Homer Simpson

I don't think I'm a celebrity. I'm just a guy from east Texas who loves cars and airplanes. - Carroll Shelby

Women are like cars: we all want a Ferrari, sometimes want a pick-up truck, and end up with a station wagon. - Tim Allen

When walking, you see things that you miss in a motor car or on the train. You give your mind space to ponder. - Tom Hodgkinson

Life's golden age is when the children are too old to need babysitters and too young to borrow the family car. - Unknown

Drop the last year into the silent limbo of the past. Let it go, for it was imperfect, and thank God that it can go. - Brooks Atkinson

Competition can damage self-esteem, create anxiety, and lead to cheating and hurt feelings. But so can romantic love. - Mariah Burton Nelson

For all of the fights I have had in my life, both on and off the ice, I have only been in the back of a cop car once. - Tie Domi

I hooked up my accelerator pedal in my car to my brake lights. I hit the gas, people behind me stop, and I'm gone. - Steven Wright

The actual building of roads devoted to motor cars is not for the near future, in spite of many rumors to that effect. - Harper's Weekly

I do get scared of the dentist, so a drive-through dentist might make me feel more at home. If I got to stay in my car. - Jessica Pare

Anyone who thinks sitting in church can make you a Christian must also think that sitting in a garage can make you a car. - Garrison Keillor

My kids always perceived the bathroom as a place where you wait it out until all the groceries are unloaded from the car. - Erma Bombeck

Is fuel efficiency really what we need most desperately? I say what we really need is a car that can be shot when it breaks down. - George Carlin

When I die, I want to go peacefully like my grandfather did, in his sleep. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car. - Unknown

From a drop of water a logician could infer the possibility of an Atlantic or a Niagara without having seen or heard of one or the other. - Sir Arthur Conan Doyle

My life is the land, the dogs, the car, the motorcycle, the pond, the canoe, going to pick up mail. It's just a rural retreat that I enjoy. - Burt Shavitz


Letting Your Hair Down

Eagle Makeup

Everything Is OK

Knot Art

Zipper Scar Tattoo

Swiss Army Mega Tools

Law of Emotion

Eiffel Tower Modifications

Joyous Lawyers

Acupuncture Face

Star Wars Episode VIII

LiverPool

Digger Dog

You Guys Make Me Sick

Chu Your Food Well

Men's Wedding Photos

Wrench Dinosaur

Suddenly An Oven

Redneck Shower Head

Twin Dish

I Finally Know Why

Finally Got The Sink Fixed

Barred

Surprise Party At The Zoo