#1 humor site on the 'net

Diet Swing

When you know it's time to go on a diet

Diet Swing thanks to Wayne Nowazek

Bubba lowers the bar

QuotaBills
Health food makes me sick. - Calvin Trillin

My diet is like Atkins, but with the carbs. - BJ Penn

Have a healthy disregard for the impossible. - Larry Page

Tears at times have all the weight of speech. - Ovid

I'm not gaining weight. I'm living large. - Unknown

In skating over thin ice our safety is in our speed. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

A balanced diet is a Cracker Jack cookie in each hand. - Joe-kster

If you ignore your health for long enough, it'll go away. - Unknown

Medicine sometimes snatches away health, sometimes gives it. - Ovid

There is no curing a sick man who believes himself to be in health. - Henri Amiel

My father would take me to the playground, and put me on mood swings. - Jay London

The right to swing my fist ends where the other man's nose begins. - Oliver Wendell Holmes

'Escargot' is French for 'fat crawling bag of phlegm'. - Dave Barry

My metabolism stinks. I can gain weight just listening to dinner music. - Ron Dentinger

The key to a healthy lawn is to take care of what happens below ground. - Mike Bechtle

I've been on a diet for two weeks and all I've lost is two weeks. - Totie Fields

The two kinds of people on earth are the people who lift and the people who lean. - Unknown

I recently became a Christian Scientist. It was the only health plan I could afford. - Betsy Salkind

Logic is the hygiene the mathematician practices to keep his ideas healthy and strong. - Hermann Weyl

"The Hunchback Of Notre Dame" had the big fat English actor, Charles Lawson. - Archie Bunker

Vegetables are a must on a diet. I suggest carrot cake, zucchini bread and pumpkin pie. - Jim Davis

The chief excitement in a woman's life is spotting women who are fatter than she is. - Helen Rowland

It's a strange world of language in which skating on thin ice can get you into hot water. - Franklin P. Jones

Health is the greatest gift, contentment the greatest wealth, faithfulness the best relationship. - Buddha

I have noted that the healthy release of emotion is frequently very unhealthy for those closest to you. - Mr Spock

Baloney is the unvarnished lie laid on so thick you hate it. Blarney is flattery laid on so thin you love it. - Fulton J Sheen

Art is made to disturb. Science reassures. There is only one valuable thin in art: the thing you cannot explain. - Georges Braque

Give a man health and a course to steer, and he'll never stop to trouble about whether he's happy or not. - George Bernard Shaw

Moderation. Small helpings. Sample a little bit of everything. These are the secrets of happiness and good health. - Julia Child

When wealth is lost, nothing is lost. When health is lost, something is lost. When character is lost, all is lost. - Rev. Billy Graham

America is a country where half the money is spent buying food, and the other half is spent trying to lose weight. - Unknown

Inside me there's a thin person struggling to get out, but I can usually sedate him with four or five cupcakes. - Bob Thaves

A dark-chocolate truffle melts in my mouth, and I forget about everything else... even the fact that I'm on a diet. - Barbara Brooke

The biggest seller is cookbooks and the second is diet books - how not to eat what you've just learned now to cook. - Andy Rooney

In all affairs it's a healthy thing now and then to hang a question mark on the things you have long taken for granted. - Bertrand Russell

I feel about airplanes the way I feel about diets. It seems to me that they are wonderful things for other people to go on. - Jean Kerr

I cannot but bless the memory of Julius Caesar, for the great esteem he expressed for fat men; and his aversion to lean ones. - David Hume

The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like, and do what you'd druther not. - Mark Twain

Maintaining healthy forests is essential to those who make a living from the land and for those of us who use them for recreational purposes. - Cathy M. Rodgers

Thank you... fat dude with giant headphones on the subway, for looking like what would've happened if Jabba the Hutt mated with Princess Leia. - Jimmy Fallon


Hogwart's Other Bridge

Excalibutter

As The World Turns

Bird Condo

Legal Assistance For All

Chinese Law School

Do Not Stack

Stairway Chute

Walkway Not

Pirate Vacation

How Not To Prop Start Your Plane

Redneck Spaghetti

Wild Game Nutrition Guide

Alaska Gas

Definition Of A Good Friend

Redneck Car Repair

Self-Propelled Rocket

Pole Clock

Donut Holes

Insect Food Fight

Living At C Level

Little Johnny Bath

Emergency Stops Only

Portable Balance Beam