#1 humor site on the 'net

Do Not Touch Sign

How to keep people away from the site

Do Not Touch Sign thanks to Howard Chapman

Shocking safety message

QuotaBills
Do not employ handsome servants. - Chinese Proverb

An old man in a house is a good sign. - Benjamin Franklin

I do not regret one moment of my life. - Lillie Langtry

The eyes have one language everywhere. - George Herbert

Do not go gentle into that good night. - Dylan Thomas

Do not let your fears choose your destiny. - Unknown

Never go on trips with anyone you do not love. - Ernest Hemingway

People do not retire. They are retired by others. - Duke Ellington

Language exerts hidden power, like a moon on the tides. - Rita Mae Brown

I do not like work, even when somebody else is doing it. - Mark Twain

I do not pray for a lighter load, but for a stronger back. - Philip Brookes

If we do not know about life, how can we know about death? - Confucius

Do not remove the ancient landmark that your ancestors set up. - Bible

Ideologies do not map the complete living processes of a World. - William Irwin Thompson

It does not matter how slowly you go as long as you do not stop. - Confucius

Do not forget small kindnesses and do not remember small faults. - Chinese Proverb

I certainly do not drink all the time. I have to sleep you know. - WC Fields

I do not approve of anything that tampers with natural ignorance. - Oscar Wilde

If you can't sleep do not count the sheep, worship the Shepherd. - Unknown

When you judge another, you do not define them, you define yourself. - Wayne W. Dyer

Do not judge a man until you have walked two moons in his moccasins. - Native American Proverb

Those who hammer their guns into plows will plow for those who do not. - Thomas Jefferson

A great many people think that polysyllables are a sign of intelligence. - Barbara Walters

Do not wait to strike till the iron is hot; but make it hot by striking. - William B. Sprague

People with healthy self-esteem do not need to create pretend identities. - Unknown

I'm always ready to learn, although I do not always like being taught. - Winston Churchill

A sign of celebrity is that his name is often worth more than his services. - Daniel J. Boorstin

Characters do not change. Opinions alter, but characters are only developed. - Benjamin Disraeli

It is often a sign of wit not to show it, and not to see that others want it. - Suzanne Necker

We do not inherit the earth from our parents. We borrow it from our children. - Unknown

Do not seek to follow in the footsteps of the men of old; seek what they sought. - Matsuo Basho

The most beautiful words in the English language are "cheque enclosed". - Dorothy Parker

You do not lead by hitting people over the head; that is assault, not leadership. - Dwight D Eisenhower

If we do not plant knowledge when young, it will give us no shade when we are old. - Lord Chesterfield

If you do not tell the truth about yourself you cannot tell it about other people. - Virginia Woolf

I personally think we developed language because of our deep inner need to complain. - Jane Wagner

Do not anticipate trouble, or worry about what may never happen. Keep in the sunlight. - Benjamin Franklin

I do not try to dance better than anyone else. I only try to dance better than myself. - Mihkail Baryshnikov

Contradiction is not a sign of falsity, nor the lack of contradiction a sign of truth. - Blaise Pascal

Never explain. Your friends do not need it and your enemies will not believe it anyway. - Elbert Hubbard

Do not go where the path may lead, go instead where there is no path and leave a trail. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Never make fun of someone who speaks broken English. It means they know another language. - H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

I used to think that one of the great signs of security was the ability to just walk away. - Jack Nicholson

I have only one eye, I have a right to be blind sometimes... I really do not see the signal! - Horatio Nelson

It's a strange world of language in which skating on thin ice can get you into hot water. - Franklin P. Jones

Call to me, and I will answer you, and show you great and mighty things, which you do not know. - Jeremiah 33:30

There are many things we do not want in this world. Let us not just mourn them; let us change them. - Ferdinand Marcos

The heights charm us, but the steps do not; with the mountain in our view we love to walk the plains. - Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

We read that we ought to forgive our enemies; but we do not read that we ought to forgive our friends. - Cosimo de Medici

Since the mathematicians have invaded the theory of relativity, I do not understand it myself any more. - Albert Einstein

Some of these people need ten years of therapy - ten sentences of mine do not equal ten years of therapy. - Oscar Wilde

The names of colors are at the edge, between where language fails and where it's at its most powerful. - A.S. Byatt

If you're not failing every now and again, it's a sign you're not doing anything very innovative. - Woody Allen

Men of genius do not excel in any profession because they labor in it, but they labor in it because they excel. - William Hazlitt

Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. - Matthew 6:34

The natural idealism of youth is an idealism, alas, for which we do not always provide as many outlets as we should. - Sargent Shriver

Life is one big road with lots of signs. So when you're riding through the ruts, don't complicate your mind. - Bob Marley

If the English language made any sense, 'lackadaisical' would have something to do with a shortage of flowers. - Doug Larson

I do not see how a man can work on the frontiers of physics and write poetry at the same time. They are in opposition. - Paul Dirac

Who is apt, on occasion, to assign a multitude of reasons when one will do? This is a sure sign of weakness in argument. - Harriet Martineau

Prayer gives a man the opportunity of getting to know a gentleman he hardly ever meets. I do not mean his maker, but himself. - William R Inge

The greatest sign of success for a teacher is to be able to say, "The children are now working as if I did not exist." - Maria Montessori

Most people do not really want freedom, because freedom involves responsibility, and most people are frightened of responsibility. - Sigmund Freud

Do not attempt to do a thing unless you are sure of yourself, but do not relinquish it simply because someone else is not sure of you. - Stewart E. White

"I am" is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that "I do" is the longest sentence? - George Carlin

Do not spoil what you have by desiring what you have not; but remember that what you now have was once among the things you only hoped for. - Epicurus

I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use. - Galileo Galilei

NASA's robot Curiosity landed on Mars. Early pictures show no signs of ESPN or beer. This makes it very clear that men are not from Mars. - Unknown

Do not be afraid of those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul. Rather, be afraid of the One who can destroy both soul and body in hell. - Bible

When you are called to a sick man, be sure you know what the matter is — if you do not know, nature can do a great deal better than you can guess. - Nicholas de Belleville


What Goes Round Comes Round

Mistaken Door

Cleanup

Leave Toes Outside

Google Age

Meat Loaf

Heavy Sleeper

So Close

Economy Flight

StandOut Island

Poor Fishing Day

Is Your Diaper Full?

Lunch Break on a Hot Day

Moving Level Pro

Plain Plane School

Wireframe Dog

SUV Sinkhole

Wireless Doorbells Sitting On Their Chargers

Smoke Coolant

Front Row Seats

A Frayed Knot

Roof Ride

Lego Haircut

Kitchen Time Out