#1 humor site on the 'net

Me First!

Fighting for the choice prize

Me First! thanks to Idske Mulder, The Netherlands

Playing cat-ch me while you can

QuotaBills
Curiosity killed the cat. - English Proverb

A meowing cat catches no mice. - Yiddish proverb

A married man is a caged bird. - Spanish Proverb

The early bird catches the worm. - English Proverb

All cats appear grey in the dark. - English Proverb

After dark, all cats are leopards. - Zuni Proverb

I want to paint the way a bird sings. - Claude Monet

A gun gives you the body, not the bird. - Henry David Thoreau

A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush. - English Proverb

Dogs can't operate an MRI machine but cats can. - Unknown

Intelligence without ambition is a bird without wings. - Salvador Dali

The kind man feeds his cat before sitting down to dinner. - Hebrew Proverb

The bird is powered by its own life and by its motivation. - Abdul Kalam

I never wanted to weigh more heavily on a man than a bird. - Coco Chanel

If one cannot catch the bird of paradise, better take a wet hen. - Nikita Krushchev

People that hate cats will come back as mice in their next life. - Faith Resnick

A dog is a man's best friend. A cat is a cat's best friend. - Robert J Vogel

The bird of paradise alights only upon the hand that does not grasp. - John Berry

Keep a green tree in your heart and perhaps a singing bird will come. - Chinese Proverb

The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese. - Steven Wright

The early bird would never catch the worm if the dumb worm slept late. - Milton Berle

It was a great interview process. They were fighting like cats and dogs. - Donald Trump

When rats infest the palace, a lame cat is better than the swiftest horse. - Chinese Proverb

The main difference between a cat and a lie is that a cat only has nine lives. - Mark Twain

I was such an ugly kid. When I played in the sandbox, the cat kept covering me up. - Rodney Dangerfield

Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier'n puttin' it back. - Will Rogers

It is better to be a mouse in a cat's mouth than a man in a lawyer's hands. - Spanish Proverb

If man could be crossed with the cat, it would improve man, but deteriorate the cat. - Mark Twain

Hold fast to dreams, for if dreams die, life is a broken winged bird that cannot fly. - Lanston Hughes

Cats are smarter than dogs. You can't get eight cats to pull a sled through snow. - Jeff Valdez

Without my Vulcan cat suit, Frankenstein wig and pointed ears, I don't get recognized. - Jolene Blalock

My husband, Fang, is so dumb I once said, "There's a dead bird." He looked up. - Phyllis Diller

A mathematician is a blind man in a dark room looking for a black cat which isn't there. - Charles Darwin

I think we consider too much the good luck of the early bird and not enough the bad luck of the early worm. - Franklin D Roosevelt

When witches go riding and black cats are seen,
The moon laughs and whispers, 'tis near Halloween. - Unknown

Just as the bird sings or the butterfly soars, because it is his natural characteristic, so the artist works. - Alma Gluck

You can't be suspicious of a tree, or accuse a bird or a squirrel of subversion or challenge the ideology of a violet. - Hal Borland

You are Mr. Owl. I am Ms. Hummingbird. We may come from different species but as long as you're a bird, I'm a bird too. - Glad Munaiseche

A male frigate bird blows up a wild red pouch on his neck. He can keep it puffed up for hours. It is his way of impressing the girls. - Julie Murphy

One of my biggest fears is that I'm going to die alone in my home, and my cats will eat me because I am too dead to open their food cans. - Kelli Jae Baeli


Super Size Mosquito

Perfectly In Tune With Nature

Crayola Keyboard

Turtle Leash

Beach Trick - Head's Up

Turbo Charged Computer

Redneck Neighborhood Watch

Time To Hang Up The Thong

Our Grate Lord

Vertical Roller Coaster Ride

Girl's Party

Sleep Driving

Portuguese Airport Runway

Nintendo Wedding Cake

Going Nowhere Mall

Skateboard Suit

Texas Truck

Tailgate Coyote

Montreal Canadian Fan

Canadian Man Cave

Puffin Walk

Wine Gum Lamp

Stepladder Bike

Prison Escapee's Not-Quite-Clean Escape