#1 humor site on the 'net

No Swimming

Signs that the oasis might be closed

No Swimming thanks to Idske Mulder, The Netherlands

Few lifeguards were hired that year on the Arabian desert

QuotaBills
There are plenty more fish in the sea. - English Proverb

A smooth sea never made a skilled sailor. - Franklin D Roosevelt

If your ship doesn't come in, swim out to it. - Jonathan Winters

When I go to the beach, even the tide won't come in. - Phyllis Diller

This is the place to be - in the land of swimming pools. - David Hockney

The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard. - Steven Wright

There are 350 varieties of shark, not counting loan and pool. - L.M. Boyd

I'm walking backwards for Christmas Across the Irish Sea. - Spike Milligan

They who dive in the sea of affliction, bring up rare pearls. - Charles H. Spurgeon

No man drowns if he perseveres in praying to God, and can swim. - Russian Proverb

The magic of Hawaii comes from the stillness, the sea, the stars. - Joanne Harris

If you don't become the ocean you'll be seasick every day. - Leonard Cohen

The biggest sin in the world would be if I lost my love for the ocean. - Laird Hamilton

An entire ocean can't sink a ship unless it allows the water inside. - Donna Smith

A woman knows the face of the man she loves as a sailor knows the open sea. - Honore de Balzac

Life is like stepping onto a boat which is about to sail out to sea and sink. - Shunryi Suzuki-roshi

You can never cross the ocean until you have the courage to lose sight of the shore. - Christopher Columbus

People who drink to drown their sorrow should be told that sorrow knows how to swim. - Ann Landers

I have often wanted to drown my troubles, but I can't get my wife to go swimming. - Jimmy Carter

If I swim in the ocean, I have a shark thought. Not a bad one, but just a little one. - Tea Leoni

Is this chicken or is this fish? I know it's tuna but it says chicken of the sea. - Jessica Simpson

My wife and I went to a hotel where we got a waterbed. My wife called it the Dead Sea. - Henny Youngman

They are all discoverers that think there is no land, when they can see nothing but sea. - Francis Bacon

It's the Olympics. If you can't get up to swim early in the morning, don't go. - Michael Phelps

Language is our meeting place, the sea we live in…it is the common ground of our humanity. - Toby Wolfe

I guess you would say I'd be like the Michael Phelps of swimming if he wasn't there. - Ryan Lochte

No one would have ever crossed the ocean if they could have gotten off the ship in the storm. - Charles F. Ketterling

Writing criticism is to writing fiction and poetry as hugging the shore is to sailing in the open sea. - John Updike

How do we persevere when we're adrift at sea, severed from wherever or whomever is our 'home'? - Lois Anderson

If you are in the job for glamour, you're in for the shock of your life. The media is a huge shark pool. - Trisha Goddard

Old age is when you resent the swimsuit issue of Sports Illustrated because there are fewer articles to read. - George Burns

I don't trust the ocean, either; it would kill me as soon as not. It doesn't mean I'm afraid of it. - Maggie Stiefvater

My life amounts to no more than one drop in a limitless ocean. Yet what is any ocean, but a multitude of drops? - David Mitchell

Sea spaghetti looks like dark fettuccine and has a similar texture - you can get it in health food stores or online. - Yotam Ottolenghi

Sponges grow in the ocean. That just kills me. I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be if that didn't happen. - Steven Wright

Happiness consists in activity: such is the constitution of our nature; it is a running stream, and not a stagnant pool. - John M. Good

God moves in a mysterious way
His wonders to perform;
He plants His footsteps in the sea
And rides upon the storm. - William Cowper

A mere 40 years ago, beach volleyball was just beginning. No bureaucrat would have invented it, and that's what freedom is all about. - Newt Gingrich

I'll paddle board, swim in the ocean, roll in the sand, soak up the sun, eat good food, be with friends and family and go fishing with my dad. - Behati Prinsloo

Your surfing can get better on every turn, on every wave you catch. Learn to read the ocean better. A big part of my success has been wave knowledge. - Kelly Slater


World's Tallest Bus

Long Liquor Store

Happy Wood Pig

On Top Of Things

Anail Retention

Bat Flight

The No Brainer

Truck Bender

Bacon Balls

Fast Closure

Ukrainian Feast

1934 Modern Home

Fliptus

Copper Tubing Specialist

Bach Off Van

Boss Resume

Canadian Gun Shop

Hogwart's Other Bridge

Excalibutter

As The World Turns

Bird Condo

Legal Assistance For All

Chinese Law School

Do Not Stack