#1 humor site on the 'net

Open Position

Mom thinks someone's missing in this relationship

Open Position thanks to Roy Taylor

Expecting someone new in the family?

QuotaBills
My store is open to all. - Harry Gordon Selfridge

Something bad has befelt the family. - Archie Bunker

A happy family is but an earlier heaven. - Sir John Bowring

Is it a bigger crime to rob a bank or to open one? - Ted Allan

There's no such thing as fun for the whole family. - Jerry Seinfeld

Besmooch the family name in the eyes of the community. - Archie Bunker

Minds are like parachutes, they only function when open. - Thomas Dewar

Before you marry keep both eyes open; after marriage shut one. - Jamaican Proverb

Remember as far as anyone knows, we're a nice normal family. - Homer Simpson

The door of opportunity won't open unless you do some pushing. - Unknown

What can you do to promote world peace? Go home and love your family. - Mother Teresa

We are in the extreme centre, the radical middle. That is our position. - Pierre Trudeau

Follow your bliss and doors will open where there were no doors before. - Joseph Campbell

A fishing rod is a stick with a hook at one end and a fool at the other. - Samuel Johnson

Now there's a man with an open mind - you can feel the breeze from here. - Groucho Marx

Live so you won't be ashamed to sell the family parrot to the town gossip. - Will Rogers

As a child, my family's menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it. - Buddy Hackett

Menopause is our chance to say, "I am woman - open a freaking window." - Unknown

Southerners are so devoted to genealogy that we see a family tree under every bush. - Florence King

Your family is depending on you. No better reason to bring all your game all the time. - Grant Cardone

There's no road map on how to raise a family: it's always an enormous negotiation. - Meryl Streep

I want to have a bunch of kids so I can open a factory and have free labor. Beat that, China! - Jarod Kintz

I came from a big family. As a matter of fact, I never got to sleep alone until I was married. - Lewis Grizzard

It is best to keep your mouth shut and be presumed ignorant than to open it and remove all doubt. - Mark Twain

The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his checkbook open. - Groucho Marx

There's a lot of baggage that comes along with our family, but it's Louis Vuitton baggage. - Kim Kardashian

When you start about family, about lineage and ancestry, you are talking about every person on earth. - Alex Haley

Writing criticism is to writing fiction and poetry as hugging the shore is to sailing in the open sea. - John Updike

Why pay money to have your family tree traced; go into politics and your opponents will do it for you. - Unknown

Congratulations, you have a sense of humor. And to those who didn't: Go stick your head in the mud. - Jesse Ventura

My family was so poor that if I hadn't been born a boy, I wouldn't of had anything to play with. - Rodney Dangerfield

Love is like quicksilver in the hand. Leave the fingers open, and it stays. Clutch it, and it darts away. - Dorothy Parker

Humility before the flower at the timber line is the gate which gives access to the path up the open fell. - Dag Hammarskjold

A family is a unit composed not only of children but of men, women, an occasional animal, and the common cold. - Ogden Nash

Hello. I don't believe we have been introduced. R2-D2? A pleasure to meet you. I am C-3PO, Human-Cyborg Relations. - C-3PO

The practical importance of the preservation of our forests is augmented by their relations to climate, soil and streams. - John Muir

Men have trouble dealing with a woman in a position of authority. I've never had trouble with a woman in any position. - Sam Malone

The greatest thing in family life is to take a hint when a hint is intended - and not to take a hint when a hint isn't intended. - Robert Frost

I do not love to work out, but if I stick to exercising every day and put the right things in my mouth, then my diabetes just stays in check. - Halle Berry

Fang took the entire family out for coffee and donuts the other night. The kids enjoyed it. It was the first time they'd ever given blood. - Phyllis Diller


OCD Guy

World's Tallest Bus

Long Liquor Store

Happy Wood Pig

On Top Of Things

Anail Retention

Bat Flight

The No Brainer

Truck Bender

Bacon Balls

Fast Closure

Ukrainian Feast

1934 Modern Home

Fliptus

Copper Tubing Specialist

Bach Off Van

Boss Resume

Canadian Gun Shop

Hogwart's Other Bridge

Excalibutter

As The World Turns

Bird Condo

Legal Assistance For All

Chinese Law School