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Marry in haste, repent at leisure. - English Proverb

Our dog died from licking our wedding picture. - Phyllis Diller

In married life three is company and two is none. - Oscar Wilde

Marry me and I'll never look at another horse! - Groucho Marx

Some of us are becoming the men we wanted to marry. - Gloria Steinem

Sticking with a marriage. That's true grit, man. - Jeff Bridges

An Irish wedding is a tame thing to an Irish funeral. - Mary Deasy

Bride: A woman with a fine prospect of happiness behind her. - Ambrose Bierce

Before you marry keep both eyes open; after marriage shut one. - Jamaican Proverb

I'll never forget my wedding day... they threw vitamin pills. - Groucho Marx

He's the kind of man a woman would have to marry to get rid of. - Mae West

A man in love is incomplete until he is married. Then he is finished. - Zsa Zsa Gabor

I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always. - Red Skelton

Marriage requires a special talent like acting. Monogamy requires genius. - Warren Beatty

Marriage halves our griefs, doubles our joys, and quadruples our expenses. - G K Chesterton

The Pirate is surrealism and so, in a curious way, is Father of the Bride. - Vincente Minnelli

Marriage is very difficult. It's like a 5,000-piece jigsaw puzzle, all sky. - Cathy Ladman

No man is truly married until he understands every word his wife is NOT saying. - Unknown

A wedding is just like a funeral except that you get to smell your own flowers. - Grace Hansen

If men knew how women pass the time when they are alone, they'd never marry. - O. Henry

The world has grown suspicious of anything that looks like a happily married life. - Oscar Wilde

A long marriage is two people trying to dance a duet and two solos at the same time. - Anne Taylor Fleming

Men marry because they are tired, women because they are curious; both are disappointed. - Oscar Wilde

Our marriage vows: till death do us part, for better for worse, in secrets and in health. - Archie Bunker

Marriage is like putting your hand into a bag of snakes in the hope of pulling out an eel. - Leonardo da Vinci

Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age - as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight. - Phyllis Diller

Marriage has no guarantees. If that's what you're looking for, go live with a car battery. - Erma Bombeck

Marriage is the only known example of the happy meeting of the immovable object and the irresistible force. - Ogden Nash

Before I got married I had six theories about bringing up children; now I have six children and no theories. - John Wilmot

If your cousin Maude says one wrong word to me, we're gonna be leaving before the bride takes the shower. - Archie Bunker

There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage. - Sam Kinison

Marriage is like a cage; one sees the birds outside desperate to get in, and those inside desperate to get out. - Ogden Nash

I love being married. It's so great to find one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life. - Rita Rudner

Just because I have rice on my clothes doesn't mean I've been to a wedding. A Chinese man threw up on me. - Phyllis Diller

There is nothing in the world like the devotion of a married woman. It is a thing no married man knows anything about. - Oscar Wilde

For two people in a marriage to live together day after day is unquestionably the only miracle the Vatican has overlooked. - Bill Cosby

After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face each other, but still they stay together. - Sacha Guitry

If the marriage needs help, the answer almost always is have more fun. Drop your list of grievances and go ride a roller coaster. - Garrison Keillor

A wedding anniversary is the celebration of love, trust, partnership, tolerance and tenacity. The order varies for any given year. - Paul Sweeney

I should have suspected my husband was lazy. On our wedding day, his mother told me: "I'm not losing a son; I'm gaining a couch." - Phyllis Diller