#1 humor site on the 'net

Texas Door Handle

How to shoot your way into a Redneck house

Texas Door Handle thanks to Mike King

Specialty door knobs to dress up your door panel

QuotaBills
You can't handle the truth. - Jack Nicholson

If you want the girl next door, go next door. - Joan Crawford

I never saw anything funnier than Texas politics. - Molly Ivins

Love flies out the door when money comes innuendo. - Groucho Marx

I got a garage door opener. It can't close. Just open. - Steven Wright

I am proud of the fact that I never invented weapons to kill. - Thomas Edison

All successful revolutions are the kicking in of a rotten door. - John Kenneth Galbraith

Texas is now a cornerstone of the electoral college for Republicans. - Ed Gillespie

The human race has one really effective weapon, and that is laughter. - Mark Twain

Follow your bliss and doors will open where there were no doors before. - Joseph Campbell

Happiness often sneaks in through a door you didn't know you left open. - John Barrymore

We also sleep in separate beds. Hers is in California and mine is in Texas. - Red Skelton

Your heaviest artillery will be your will to live. Keep that big gun going. - Norman Cousins

Don't spend time beating on a wall, hoping to transform it into a door. - Coco Chanel

Opportunity does not knock. It presents itself when you beat down the door. - Unknown

Leadership is intangible, and therefore no weapon ever designed can replace it. - Omar N. Bradley

Temptation usually comes in through a door that has been deliberately left open. - Arnold Glasgow

The bird, the bee, the running child are all the same to the sliding glass door. - Demetri Martin

When a man opens a car door for his wife, it's either a new car or a new wife. - Prince Philip

If you have a gun you can rob a bank, but if you have a bank you can rob everyone. - Unknown

The greatest weapon against stress is our ability to choose one thought over another. - William James

A gun is not a weapon, it’s a tool, like a hammer or a screwdriver or an alligator. - Homer Simpson

The present moment is the only moment available to us, and it is the door to all moments. - Thich Nhat Hanh

You know that I'm at death's door. But the trouble is that I'm afraid to knock. - W Somerset Maugham

Why do dogs always race to the door when the doorbell rings? It's hardly ever for them. - Harry Hill

Some folks look at me and see a certain swagger, which in Texas is called 'walking.' - George W. Bush

You can tell a man isn't handy when he asks the man next door how to get blood off a saw. - Milton Berle

I want a house with a garden, but slap bang in the centre of London. Next door to a sushi bar. - Michelle Dockery

I love Valentine's Day! I love it, I love it, I love it. I like having doors opened for me. - Ginnifer Goodwin

The definition of insanity in Texas is so insane that it's impossible to be insane in Texas. - Malcolm McDowell

The difference between a gun and a tree is a difference of tempo. The tree explodes every spring. - Ezra Pound

Happiness is something that comes into our lives through doors we don't even remember leaving open. - Rose Wilder Lane

You see I'm against hunting, in fact I'm a hunt saboteur. I go out the night before and shoot the fox. - Tim Vine

You can spend your precious energy beating down closed doors, or you can choose the doors that open when you knock. - Unknown

The only weapon with which the unconscious patient can immediately retaliate upon the incompetent surgeon is hemorrhage. - William Stewart Halsted

The Supreme Court's only armor is the cloak of public trust; its sole ammunition, the collective hopes of our society. - Irving R. Kaufman

I like to do things for my wife on Valentine's Day. I open the door for her when she puts laundry in the washing machine. - Milton Berle

Golf is a game whose aim is to hit a very small ball into an even smaller hole, with weapons singularly ill designed for the purpose. - Winston Churchill

I'd love to see Christ come back to crush the spirit of hate and make men put down their guns. I'd also like just one more hit single. - Tiny Tim

When one door of happiness closes, another opens, but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one that has been opened for us. - Helen Keller


Milking Time On The Farm

Chain Mail

Lunch Break

Wash Day On The Farm

High Tide Heels

Frozen Fish Meal

Stork Exhaust

I 'Saw' An Accident

Protractor Cook

Street Genius

Rebar Walker

No Worries

Road To Success

Politician Training

Math in Africa

Customers Wanted

Sock Storage

Hung Out To Dry

Need More Horsepower?

Japanese Diving Platform

Water Taxi

Wrench Family

How To Burn Fat

Ghetto Boat