#1 humor site on the 'net

Bird Melons

Some people thought that Teresa had the biggest melons at the fair

Bird Melons thanks to Keith Blake

Melons are members of the cucurbit family

Some Canada Geese overstay their welcome

QuotaBills
Abstain from beans. - Pythagoras

Tacos are the food of genius. - Heather Brewer

Pumpkin pie fixes everything. - Unknown

Food tastes better when you wear it. - Erin Dealey

It's okay to play with your food. - Emeril Lagasse

Then you add two forkfuls of cooking oil. - The French Chef

The best food is whatever fills the belly. - Arab Proverb

A proverb is to speech what salt is to food. - Arabic Proverb

Fame is a fickle food upon a shifting plate. - Emily Dickinson

Home cooking. Where many a man thinks his wife is. - Jimmy Durante

Bacon bits are like fairy dust of the food community. - Unknown

Laughter is brightest in the place where the food is. - Ireland Proverb

Trying to squash a rumor is like trying to unring a bell. - Shana Alexander

I was 32 when I started cooking; up until then, I just ate. - Julia Child

Only the knife knows what goes on in the heart of a pumpkin. - Simone Schwarz-Bart

Cooking certain dishes, like roast pork, reminds me of my mother. - Maya Angelou

Cooking Tip: Wrap turkey leftovers in aluminum foil and throw them out. - Nicole Hollander

Short of screaming-hot Thai food, everything can be suitable for kids too. - Guy Fieri

I will not eat oysters. I want my food dead. Not sick - not wounded - dead. - Woody Allen

Advice is like cooking - you should try it first before you feed it to others. - Unknown

I love you more than pumpkin spice latte but please don't make me prove it! - Unknown

The only time to eat diet food is while you're waiting for the steak to cook. - Julia Child

My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor. - Phyllis Diller

Now that food has replaced sex in my life, I can't even get into my own pants. - Unknown

On the Continent people have good food; in England people have good table manners. - George Mikes

I always thought that bagels and lox was my soul food, but it turns out it's sushi. - Sara Sheridan

I like spaghetti bolognese, I like baked beans on toast. I hate French food. I hate fancy food. - Simon Cowell

Chocolate symbolizes, as does no other food, luxury, comfort, sensuality, gratification, and love. - Karl Petzke

If fat people just gave skinny people more food, we could solve obesity and hunger at the same time. - Ashton Kutcher

Part of the secret of a success in life is to eat what you like and let the food fight it out inside. - Mark Twain

Everything is for sale in Hollywood; the fairy tale, the costume, the pumpkin, the footman and the mice. - Amanda Eliasch

I refuse to believe that trading recipes is silly. Tuna-fish casserole is at least as real as corporate stock. - Barbara Harrison

Sea spaghetti looks like dark fettuccine and has a similar texture - you can get it in health food stores or online. - Yotam Ottolenghi

An expert is like the bottom of a double boiler. It shoots off a lot of steam, but it never really knows what's cooking. - Unknown

If another one of my Whole Food friends says my wife should have a home birth, I am going to punch all the soy on the planet. - Patton Oswalt

I worked in a health food store once. A guy came in and asked me, "If I melt dry ice, can I take a bath without getting wet?" - Steven Wright

Two times a week, we go to a nice restaurant, have a little beverage, good food and companionship.
She goes on Tuesdays, I go on Fridays. - Red Skelton

Instead of doing cinnamon, nutmeg, and all those baking spices I'll have one spice that's for sweets, and that's pumpkin pie spice. - Sandra Lee

I love the scents of winter! For me, it's all about the feeling you get when you smell pumpkin spice, cinnamon, nutmeg, gingerbread and spruce. - Taylor Swift

The best way to lose weight is to close your mouth - something very difficult for a politician. Or watch your food - just watch it, don't eat it. - Edward I Kock


Mouth Candy

Nose Hair? She needs a Barb-hair

Window Washers at a Children's Hospital

Spaghetti Digest

Ready Soon

iPhone Charger

Tube Travel

Redneck Tree Fort

OCD Guy

World's Tallest Bus

Long Liquor Store

Happy Wood Pig

On Top Of Things

Anail Retention

Bat Flight

The No Brainer

Truck Bender

Bacon Balls

Fast Closure

Ukrainian Feast

1934 Modern Home

Fliptus

Copper Tubing Specialist

Bach Off Van