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Bonus Baby

From Planned Parenthood to Surprise Parenthood

Bonus Baby thanks to Warren Ralston

Budgeting for two - affording twins

QuotaBills
Birth patrol pills. - Archie Bunker

Baby lying in the bassinoot. - Archie Bunker

Expect nothing. Live frugally on surprise. - Alice Walker

Babies are such a nice way to start people. - Don Herold

Infancy conforms to nobody; all conform to it. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Ever notice how baby shampoo smells like spring? - Toni Sorenson

Sometimes I drink water just to surprise my liver. - WC Fields

Very few people know this man was born an only twin. - Henny Youngman

Man's main task in life is to give birth to himself. - Erich Fromm

A baby is God's opinion that the world should go on. - Carl Sandburg

My best birth control now is just to leave the lights on. - Joan Rivers

Kids are life's only guaranteed bona fide upside surprise. - Jack Nicholson

One year they wanted to make me poster boy - for birth control. - Rodney Dangerfield

Neither fire nor wind, birth nor death can erase our good deeds. - Buddha

There is no cure for birth and death, save to enjoy the interval. - George Santayana

I'm a New Wave baby, so I got very stimulated by foreign film. - Jack Nicholson

Insomnia: a contagious disease often transmitted from babies to parents. - Shannon Fife

Baby: a loud noise at one end and no sense of responsibility at the other. - Ronald Knox

The four stages of man are infancy, childhood, adolescence, and obsolescence. - Art Linkletter

The only time a woman really succeeds in changing a man is when he's a baby. - Natalie Wood

The most effective form of birth control I know is spending the day with my kids. - Jill Bensley

Having a baby is like falling in love again, both with your husband and your child. - Tina Brown

The only time a woman wishes she were a year older is when she is expecting a baby. - Mary Marsh

The firsts go away - first love, first baby, first kiss. You have to create new ones. - Sarah Jessica Parker

The man who is ostentatious of his modesty is twin to the statue that wears a fig-leaf. - Mark Twain

If newborn babies could speak they would be the most intelligent beings on planet earth. - Jaden Smith

I'm beginning to have morning sickness. I'm not having a baby, I'm just sick of morning. - Phyllis Diller

When I was born the Doctor took one look at my face, turned me over and said, "Look, twins!" - Rodney Dangerfield

Every two months, I would get an email, 'Skeleton Twins update: still don't have the money!' - Bill Hader

You know what it's like having five kids? Imagine you're drowning. And someone hands you a baby. - Jim Gaffigan

Never tell people how to do things. Tell them what to do and they will surprise you with their ingenuity. - George S Patton

A certificate of live birth is not the same thing by any stretch of the imagination as a birth certificate. - Donald Trump

The baby bat
Screamed out in fright,
'Turn on the dark,
I'm afraid of the light.' - Shel Silverstein

There is not Communism or Marxism, but representative democracy and social justice in a well-planned economy. - Fidel Castro

Why is it that people rejoice at a birth and grieve at a funeral? It is because we are not the people involved. - Mark Twain

My illness is due to my doctor's insistence that I drink milk, a whitish fluid they force down helpless babies. - WC Fields

If another one of my Whole Food friends says my wife should have a home birth, I am going to punch all the soy on the planet. - Patton Oswalt

No one ever wants to see his or her name linked to anything bad. Conscience is like a baby. It has to go to sleep before you can. - Harvey Mackay

I think, at a child's birth, if a mother could ask a fairy godmother to endow it with the most useful gift, that gift should be curiosity. - Eleanor Roosevelt

Without this playing with fantasy no creative work has ever yet come to birth. The debt we owe to the play of the imagination is incalculable. - Carl Jung


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