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Every dog has his day. - Unknown

Let sleeping dogs lie. - French Proverb

Let fightin' dogs lie - Archie Bunker

Thank God kids never mean well. - Lily Tomlin

The view only changes for the lead dog. - Norman O. Brown

Dogs that bark at a distance never bite. - Unknown

A dog in desperation will leap over a wall. - Unknown

The more I see of men, the more I like dogs. - Madame de Stael

He who lies down with dogs, rises with fleas. - English Proverb

Our dog died from licking our wedding picture. - Phyllis Diller

If you want a friend in Washington, get a dog. - Harry S Truman

Dogs got personality. Personality goes a long way. - Quentin Tarantino

Flatterers looks like friends, as wolves like dogs. - George Chapman

I love a dog. He does nothing for political reasons. - Will Rogers

I spilled spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone. - Steven Wright

When I was a kid everyone used to call me pork 'n. - Michael Biehn

Anyone who hates children and dogs can't be all bad. - WC Fields

A door is what a dog is perpetually on the wrong side of. - Ogden Nash

Any kid will run any errand for you if you ask at bedtime. - Red Skelton

What do we need a psychiatrist for? We know our kid is nuts. - Homer Simpson

My wife's such a bad cook, the dog begs for Alka-Seltzer. - Rodney Dangerfield

Whenever I climb I am followed by a dog called "Ego". - Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche

We've had bad luck with our kids - they've all grown up. - Christopher Morley

Don't ever take a fence down until you know why it was put up. - Robert Frost

As a kid, I got three meals a day. Oatmeal, miss-a-meal and no meal. - Mr. T

Kids. They're not easy. But there has to be some penalty for sex. - Bill Maher

Anybody who doesn't know what soap tastes like never washed a dog. - Franklin P Jones

Raising kids make most people, including me, grow up at least a little. - Madonna

The last thing my kids ever did to earn money was lose their baby teeth. - Phyllis Diller

It was a great interview process. They were fighting like cats and dogs. - Donald Trump

There's no psychiatrist in the world like a puppy licking your face. - Bernard Williams

Silence is golden unless you have kids. Then silence is just suspicious. - Unknown

To his dog, every man is Napoleon; hence the constant popularity of dogs. - Aldous Huxley

Short of screaming-hot Thai food, everything can be suitable for kids too. - Guy Fieri

Dogs come when they're called; cats take a message and get back to you. - Mary Bly

I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult. - Rita Rudner

Oh my God! Space aliens! Don't eat me! I have a wife and kids. Eat them! - Homer Simpson

Anytime you see a turtle up on top of a fence post, you know he had some help. - Alex Haley

I look like a real bag lady when I go to Starbucks with my dog and get my chai. - Shirley MacLaine

Oh, when I was a kid, I was ugly. When I was born, the doctor smacked my mother. - Rodney Dangerfield

When I was a kid, I used to think pork chops and karate chops were the same thing. - Shane Koyczan

This is a Jewish cake - they give this to a Jewish kid before he gets circumscribed. - Archie Bunker

Life is like a dogsled team. If you ain't the lead dog, the scenery never changes. - Lewis Grizzard

When I was a kid, I always wanted to live in California because I liked skateboarding. - Demetri Martin

I can get motivated seeing a kid at my son's school overcome a learning disability. - Jason Alexander

It's not the size of the dog in the fight - it's the size of the fight in the dog. - Mark Twain

I love working in Canada. The ovation is great. It makes me feel like I'm the top dog. - Owen Hart

Get a good idea and stay with it. Dog it, and work at it until it's done, and done right. - Walt Disney

I want to have a bunch of kids so I can open a factory and have free labor. Beat that, China! - Jarod Kintz

A dog teaches a boy fidelity, perseverance, and to turn around three times before lying down. - Robert Benchley

I do like to read in bed, but because I have two kids I'm often forced to read in the bathroom. - Eoin Colfer

Apparently, as a kid, I used to eat spiders. Maybe there's some Freudian significance behind that. - Matt Smith

Obama and his attack dogs have nothing but hate and anger in their hearts and spew it whenever possible. - Donald Trump

There are two things in this world that don't last long: dogs chasing cars, and pros putting for pars. - Lee Travino

If you get to thinkin' you're a person of some influence, try orderin' somebody else's dog around. - Unknown

I want my kids to have the things in life that I never had when I was growing up. Things like beards and chest hair. - Jarod Kintz

In America you can go on the air and kid the politicians,
and the politicians can go on the air and kid the people. - Groucho Marx

I had plenty of pimples as a kid. One day I fell asleep in the library. When I woke up, a blind man was reading my face. - Rodney Dangerfield

We've begun to long for the pitter-patter of little feet, so we bought a dog. It's cheaper and you get more feet. - Rita Rudner

An actor is never so great as when he reminds you of an animal - falling like a cat, lying like a dog, moving like a fox. - Francois Truffaut

To be a successful father... there's one absolute rule: when you have a kid, don't look at it for the first two years. - Ernest Hemingway

There's no such thing as a soul. It's just something they made up to scare kids, like the bogeyman or Michael Jackson. - Bart Simpson

You know your kids are growing up when they stop asking you where they came from and refuse to tell you where they're going. - P.J. O'Rourke

My husband and I are either going to buy a dog or have a child. We can't decide whether to ruin our carpet or ruin our lives. - Rita Rudner

If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you. This is the principal difference between a dog and a man. - Mark Twain

Dogs laugh, but the laugh with their tails. What puts man in a higher state of evolution is that he has got his laugh on the right end. - Max Eastman

If animals could speak, the dog would be a blundering outspoken fellow; but the cat would have the rare grace of never saying a word too much. - Mark Twain

My life is the land, the dogs, the car, the motorcycle, the pond, the canoe, going to pick up mail. It's just a rural retreat that I enjoy. - Burt Shavitz

Like all parents, my husband and I just do the best we can, and hold our breath and hope we've set aside enough money for our kids' therapy. - Michelle Pfeiffer

Dogs display reluctance and wrath
If you try to give them a bath;
They bury bones in hideaways
And half the time they trot sideaways. - Ogden Nash


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