#1 humor site on the 'net

Check This Out

Something exciting on the other side of the fence

Check This Out thanks to Ruth Weber

QuotaBills
France is a dog-hole. - William Shakespeare

Thank God kids never mean well. - Lily Tomlin

A hard dog to keep on the porch. - Hillary Clinton

Dogs never bite me. Just humans. - Marilyn Monroe

I go through life like a Karate Kid. - Britney Spears

A dog has the soul of a philosopher. - Plato

How much is that doggie in the window? - Bob Merrill

Dogs that bark at a distance never bite. - Unknown

I love shark week, all kids swim for free. - Josh Stern

A dog in desperation will leap over a wall. - Unknown

Our dog died from licking our wedding picture. - Phyllis Diller

Dogs got personality. Personality goes a long way. - Quentin Tarantino

Dogs can't operate an MRI machine but cats can. - Unknown

Raising kids is part joy and part guerrilla warfare. - Ed Asner

I love a dog. He does nothing for political reasons. - Will Rogers

Kids don't remember their best day of television. - Unknown

When I was a kid everyone used to call me pork 'n. - Michael Biehn

You know what's cool? My kids think I'm ordinary. - Michael J. Fox

A door is what a dog is perpetually on the wrong side of. - Ogden Nash

What do we need a psychiatrist for? We know our kid is nuts. - Homer Simpson

I've been on so many blind dates, I should get a free dog. - Wendy Liebman

On Halloween, the parents sent their kids out looking like me. - Rodney Dangerfield

The only fence against the world is a thorough knowledge of it. - John Locke

When a man's best friend is his dog, that dog has a problem. - Edward Abbey

Don't ever take a fence down until you know why it was put up. - Robert Frost

Raising kids make most people, including me, grow up at least a little. - Madonna

To his dog, every man is Napoleon; hence the constant popularity of dogs. - Aldous Huxley

Kids: they dance before they learn there is anything that isn't music. - William Stafford

Short of screaming-hot Thai food, everything can be suitable for kids too. - Guy Fieri

Why can't a woman be more like a dog, huh? So sweet, loving, attentive. - Kirk Douglas

Did you ever hear of a kid playing accountant - even if he wanted to be one? - Jackie Mason

Anytime you see a turtle up on top of a fence post, you know he had some help. - Alex Haley

I look like a real bag lady when I go to Starbucks with my dog and get my chai. - Shirley MacLaine

The more I see of the representatives of the people, the more I admire my dogs. - Alphonse de Lamartine

The most effective form of birth control I know is spending the day with my kids. - Jill Bensley

When I was a kid, I used to think pork chops and karate chops were the same thing. - Shane Koyczan

My wife and I have a tradition of popcorn and videos with our kids on Friday evenings. - Ozwald Boateng

When I was a kid, I always wanted to live in California because I liked skateboarding. - Demetri Martin

I am who I am: an Irish Catholic kid, working class from Long Island. And I made it big. - Bill O'Reilly

Hopefully, kids realize you can do anything you want. Skateboarding can be that gateway. - Ryan Sheckler

A rich person should leave his kids enough to do something, but not enough to do nothing. - Warren Buffet

I've gone from being bullied by jocks as a kid to being bullied by nerds as an adult. - Chris Hardwick

I love working in Canada. The ovation is great. It makes me feel like I'm the top dog. - Owen Hart

Why do dogs always race to the door when the doorbell rings? It's hardly ever for them. - Harry Hill

Get a good idea and stay with it. Dog it, and work at it until it's done, and done right. - Walt Disney

I have to tell them that last night was a shameful train wreck filled with blind cuddly puppies. - Charlie Sheen

You know how kids dream of being soccer players or actors? Well, my dream was to be a sushi chef. - Nobu Matsuhisa

Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend.
Inside of a dog it's too dark to read. - Groucho Marx

Winning depends on where you put your priorities. It's usually best to put them over the fence. - Jason Giambi

No kid is unsmart. Every kid's a genius at something. Our job is to find it. And then encourage it. - Robin Sharma

All kids are trouble, Edith. And I don't wanna spend my reclining years trying to raise another one. - Archie Bunker

You know what it's like having five kids? Imagine you're drowning. And someone hands you a baby. - Jim Gaffigan

Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing is like shovelling the walk before it stops snowing. - Phyllis Diller

Did you ever walk into a room and forget why you walked in? I think that's how dogs spend their lives. - Sue Murphy

There are two things in this world that don't last long: dogs chasing cars, and pros putting for pars. - Lee Travino

I was a huge bookworm as a kid, and you could usually find me reading something with a dragon on its cover. - Julie Kagawa

The legacy I want to leave is a child-care system that says no kid is going to be left alone or left unsafe. - Marian Wright Edelman

When a dog bites a man, that is not news, because it happens so often. But if a man bites a dog, that is news. - John B. Bogart

I love to go to a movie, get a Diet Coke and a barrel of popcorn, and sit there with my kids and watch a film. - William Shatner

As a kid, you looked forward to Charlie Brown during Halloween and you looked forward to Monday Night Football. - Nick Ferguson

If you get to thinkin' you're a person of some influence, try orderin' somebody else's dog around. - Unknown

My kids always perceived the bathroom as a place where you wait it out until all the groceries are unloaded from the car. - Erma Bombeck

To be a successful father... there's one absolute rule: when you have a kid, don't look at it for the first two years. - Ernest Hemingway

There's no such thing as a soul. It's just something they made up to scare kids, like the bogeyman or Michael Jackson. - Bart Simpson

I'm not a bad guy! I work hard, and I love my kids. So why should I spend half my Sunday hearing about how I'm going to hell? - Homer Simpson

Fang took the entire family out for coffee and donuts the other night. The kids enjoyed it. It was the first time they'd ever given blood. - Phyllis Diller

If animals could speak, the dog would be a blundering outspoken fellow; but the cat would have the rare grace of never saying a word too much. - Mark Twain

My life is the land, the dogs, the car, the motorcycle, the pond, the canoe, going to pick up mail. It's just a rural retreat that I enjoy. - Burt Shavitz

Like all parents, my husband and I just do the best we can, and hold our breath and hope we've set aside enough money for our kids' therapy. - Michelle Pfeiffer

Dogs display reluctance and wrath
If you try to give them a bath;
They bury bones in hideaways
And half the time they trot sideaways. - Ogden Nash


Walkway To Heaven

Groucho Marx and Jimmy Savile

Despicable Shoes

Prayer Conditioning

Lazy People Make Excellent Engineers

Spaghetti Western

Under The Weather

Backpack Barney

My Sweet Potato

Who Needs a Guard Dog?

My Next Life

Mouse Insider

Close Ups

Redneck Camera Phone

Mega Samurai Sudoku Puzzles

Redneck Cupboard

Homeless Signs

Floor Store

Mary Go Round

City Beach Castle

Rescue Pup

Your Meal Is Ready

Bicycle Water Bottle Holder

iHat